Skin Deep
by nightwishspark
Summary: CloudReno Yaoi Two years after his life was destroyed Cloud finds a man that resembles a love assumed to be dead. Emotions conflict, identities are unclear, and the past catches up with him. Will Cloud ever find the one he's looking for? Will become an AU
1. Artificial Memory

**I've been dead for quiet some time so I thought Id come back with something a little different. Be kind with it and please review because I love them and I know you all are so helpful at heart. Enjoy**

**Warning: Does contain yaoi aka: boyonboy action so if its not your thing I suggest you turn away before your little eyes are burnt beyond repair. CloudReno with some LeonCloud on the side. **

**Skin Deep**

_By: Cloudy-chan_

_Crimson red and inky black; two things that seemed to blend so fluidly in one moment. They both sifted through Cloud's hands with ease as tears bit at the back of his stinging eyes. He cradled Reno's body as tightly as the swirling maelstrom would allow. The Turks green eyes were still alert and through everything there was still a trace of a smile on his bloody lips. _

"_Reno…" Cloud near shouted, the roar of their world's destruction swallowing his voice as well. _

_There was no answer, not that he was really expecting one. _

_He squeezed the red-head tighter, earning a small yelp from the broken boy, regretting the selfish act as he saw more blood spurt from the wound on his chest. _

_This couldn't be happening! Everything was just settling down and now all the things that kept him stable was being ripped away again. _

_His happiness, his love, his life was dying in his arms and he was helpless to do anything. Cloud Strife would always be a failure no matter what he did there was always something that plagued the ex-mercenaries mind; the thought that at any moment the peace that had finally settled in his life would shatter. And indeed it had been, gutted and taken away selfishly. When would fate lend him some mercy and take his life instead of making him watch as it took everyone he loved. _

_Black rushed around the couple, licking and stinging the blonde's face. _

"_Strife," Reno choked out, blood running down that beautiful pale skin. "Don't give up on me." The words were sharp and echoy in his ears and he cringed tears rolling down his face. _

"_I love you."_

_The fiery haired boy's arms looped around Cloud's trembling frame pushing himself up to the blonde's lips, pressing a light kiss to them. _

"_I love you too, Cloud Strife." The whisper was harsh and those slimy black tendrils overtook the Turk's bloody lanky form, erasing him completely from the ex-soldiers arms before swallowing him completely as well. _

_Traces of the kiss were still on Cloud's lips as Reno faded away into the waiting oblivion._

"**When a strong hearted person gets turned into a heartless, the empty shell left behind becomes a Nobody."**

Mako blue orbs snapped open hurriedly, cold sweat pouring off the blonde's clammy skin. His body was cold and shivering, almost numb like the black tendrils were taking him again, spilling Reno's blood all over him a second time.

His surroundings finally started to sink in after a few moments of pained and panicked breathing. The lights were low but not off, leaving a faint orange tint to the room's creamy white walls. The blonde's eyes blurred, almost wanting to go back to the nightmare, at least there he wasn't alone.

He held his throbbing head in his hands, tugging at the roots of his golden spikes. At times he just wanted to forget that his world was gone, destroyed by then nameless shadows he now recognized as heartless. Forget his time in the darkness alone and cold where hate and anger fueled his actions. Back then he would've done anything to keep hope alive in his fading heart but now he wasn't really alone anymore but on night like this he couldn't feel a difference.

Cloud shuffled underneath the sheets, swallowing hard to wet his dry throat. He didn't know what to do with himself at the moment so he jumped slightly when an unexpected knock came at the door.

"Come in." He muttered softly, not really knowing or caring if the person on the other side heard or not.

The door creaked open and belts jingled though the other side. He should've known Leon would come check on him.

The brunette's eyes seemed glazed and tired but the stormy depths were still laced with concern.

"Are you alright? I heard you having another nightmare."

Cloud bit back a glare and the urge to snap at the younger man. He wasn't alright, hadn't been for two years but he wasn't going to let anyone know that, Leon had problems of his own and who was he to burden him with his. But it wasn't like he asked for the stoic boy's affections.

"I'm sorry I woke you." He scooted around what Leon had to say. He glanced at the clock instead of meeting his eyes. 2:45… just great.

"You didn't wake me. And you didn't answer me question." Leon moved thoughtfully over to the bed and Cloud's lids fluttered shut, anticipating what was going to happen next.

There was a shift on the mattress and warm hands laced their fingers in his.

"So what was it about this time?" Leon brushed a lock of hair out of Cloud's face, hoping to get an honest answer from the frustrated youth.

Cloud was beginning to think that Leon just loved to pry into him. Ironic because Cloud could almost never do the same without a snide remark or a roll of the eyes.

"Reno again?" It made the blonde cringe to hear the ex-SeeD say the deceased Turk's name. No matter how long he'd known Leon there was a hurt that just wouldn't leave.

He shook his head solemnly, his glowing eyes meeting with Leon's for a moment. There was so much swirling there just below the surface and his eyes really weren't as icy as everyone thought, or maybe it was just him making things up again. He couldn't even tell what the brunette felt for him most of the time.

There was a certain amount of bitterness mixed into what Cloud felt; sometimes he didn't want Leon's love, he didn't want someone to get close to again but there was something about the stoic brunette that couldn't be ignored. He'd taken Cloud in and cared for him no matter how obstinate he'd been and they'd grown closer, eventually bonding here in Hollow Bastion, a world he was now forced to call home. All his memories weren't bad though, after all he had met back up with Cid, Yuffie, and Aries and they helped lift the burden on his soul a little bit.

Calloused fingers traced his jaw line, pushing his angry thoughts back for a moment. It was then he felt his body shaking harder, so wrapped up in memories again and wishing he could let parts of his past go.

But there were always going to be certain feelings and memories he could never erase or forget. And he didn't want to, either. Why forget a time when you were happy.

Leon placed a short chaste kiss on his lips, soft and special just like they always were, and Cloud cringed at the pang of guilt that surged within him.

Sure he had strong feelings for the brunette, but his old love had never died in his heart and part of him was still lusting after the possibility of Reno's survival. And if he was alive? Well, how would he own up to what he'd been doing all this time, with another man?

Yet at the same time, how was that fair to Leon? Pushing him away because of an old but still burning flame even when he knew that they both needed each other? He couldn't explain it though. Getting close to someone else felt dangerous, and it probably was, but he didn't want to be alone and needed the comfort Leon offered.

He didn't want to believe he was using the younger boy because there really were feelings there.

He'd just never been good when it came to dealing with them.

Cloud blinked up into Leon's icy pools of warmth and smiled. A bandage in the form of a kiss was all he needed to remind him he wasn't isolated. Part of him wanted Leon to crack a small joke, a wisecrack he could roll his eyes at – he even waited for it.

"You gonna be able to get back to sleep?" The brunette asked tenderly, hand cupping his face. Cloud sighed, shoulders slumping, concern was just a flattering.

The blonde nodded, yes, but opened his mouth anyway.

"Maybe you should stay with me."

There was a small silence and Cloud could see a small smile form on Leon's lips.

"You want me too?" Leon arched a thin eyebrow. Usually Cloud wanted his time to himself after having an episode. But maybe things were looking up after all.

"Yeah…I do."

The stoic boy felt like he was pushing his luck by asking the blonde but Leon had realized that Cloud needed help when it came to asking for it. He'd been the same way.

Since when had he become the warmer one?

Cloud's golden head hit the pillow and the brunette followed, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy's chilly frame. Throwing the blanket over top of them Leon lightly kissed his lover neck, hopefully calming his still shaky nerves.

The ex-mercenary twisted around in Leon's arm, brushing noses and letting his eager tongue lap at his lower lip. A needy kiss followed, messy and lust-filled.

"I'm sorry." Cloud breathed out, puffing the strands of deep brown out of Leon's face.

"For what?" Leon moved back in with his soft lips and placing a kiss on Cloud's slightly damp cheek.

"For causing problems and being needy." That was something he could've never seen himself saying.

But then again everything stopped when his world shattered. Leon was the only semblance of normalcy he's had.

Was it really normal though? Cuddling with another man when he was almost certain that his old love had died. He guessed that was his problem; he was never certain that Reno had died, after all, _he'd_ been swallowed by the darkness and _he_ wasn't dead.

"You're not a problem." Cloud wanted to smile at the warm concern he could feel slipping though the nonchalance in Leon's voice. But he still felt empty and he was eagerly inclined to fill that hole with lust. Lips met lips again and Cloud fed what he felt was a selfish urge.

Leon pulled away slowly and Cloud buried his head in the brunette's soft shirt, bare skin still a little clammy from his nightmare.

"You're still a little rattled from that dream, aren't you?" Fingers racked though his soft spikes, trying to sooth away all the blonde's ailments.

"They always rattle me, I can't help it." Cloud gurgled, wanting to just pacify Leon so he could escape.

"I'm not asking you to stop thinking about him if that's what you're thinking."

"I'm tired of all this, Squall!" There was only so much prodding that the ex-soldier could take. Why was the ex-SeeD being so pushy about this? The brunette drew back his arms, giving the blonde a sudden cold look, not pushing him away but chilling him none the less.

He never knew why Leon wanted to completely erase his past. Squall Leonhart was his rightful identity no matter how much he wanted to deny it. The mako-eyed boy was sure there was something in Squall's past that he wanted to remember but far be it from him to push the issue. Maybe that's why he was getting frustrated? Because he never pushed Leon to tell him things, he never tried to push and pry him open and he thought that Leon of all people would understand that. Or maybe he did know and he really was just trying to help.

Who knew – after all, the stoic brunette was good at covering his motives when he wanted to.

"Why do you push me away?" Leon's voice was hesitant like he's never asked anyone that question before.

"You have no room to talk." He pushed back shortly.

Was this what it was like to be put in a corner? It was ironic how all the roles had been switched. He had always tried to make Reno open up, share the little bit of warmth he had with him. It was odd, Leon had taken his role and mysteriously he'd taken Reno's. Life back home was mocking him even when it didn't exist anymore.

"If you're going to keep this up then I can't help you Cloud." Leon almost threw the blankets across the room in his short burst of anger. He was fed up and the blonde knew this but still did nothing to stop the angered boy from leaving.

"Come find me when you're not so wound up." The door shut firmly behind the stoic boy leaving Cloud alone again.

The mako-eyed youth gripped the sheets tightly in his fists. He didn't know weather to be sad or angry. Pushing Leon away wasn't right and he knew that but it wasn't right to give the boy his heart when it was still split in two either.

"Reno…"Cloud whispered harshly through clenched teeth.

The ex-soldier moved quickly from the bed, throwing on a loose pair of pants and a plain tee-shirt. Lacing up his boots lazily he headed toward the door. It may have been the middle of the night but he needed to think. It was time he stop using Leon as just a replacement for Reno and actually sort out his feelings.

Thoughts of the angry brunette coursed through his mind as he walked silently in the castle corridors of Hollow Bastion. He had become familiar with them, mostly thanks to Leon. These dark halls actually gave him some solace; one of the only things that did.

He wanted his mind to be empty for once, be free of the horrible memories that plagued him. At the moment he was sure he would be willing to even give up his good memories to start over with a clean slate.

He knew he was talking crazy, and at times it felt like he was. After the night he and Leon had shared a kiss for the first time, he sat in his room the rest of the night just willing the darkness to go away.

Cloud felt truly pathetic. The former savior of his world now couldn't save anyone to save his own life. Thinking was too hard and he just needed an escape, whether it be lustful sex with Leon or his old way of escaping…his motorcycle.

When he had first gotten to Hollow Bastion, Cid and some Moogles had teamed up to build him a new bike, just like Fenrir…only problem was that it wasn't _his _precious bike.

But he was thankful for it in times he needed to get away, like now.

The roar of the engine starting almost sounded the way he remembered, and he took off, pillowing dust behind him and hoping Leon would be able to forgive him.

Wind rushed past him, thunder to his ears as it stung his face. He already had the area memorized enough to ride idly, not really watching where he went but knowing where to go.

And he knew his surroundings well, which was why the sudden retreating shadow caught his attention. On instinct he skidded his wheels to turn and chase after the dark figure.

He raced after it, agile and swift as 'it' was, coming close enough to identify it as a cloaked figure, probably male. Rearing the bike back, he sped up, past the figure cutting him off.

The black hooded cloak skidded to a halt and stood there, even as Cloud stepped off his bike and stared into the hood shrouded in black, unable to make out features—or even a face.

"Who are you?" Cloud pressed quickly, already suspicious, an unidentifiable feeling in his gut.

"You're being pretty rude, don't you think?" The voice came, striking Cloud cold. That voice…maybe he was going crazy in missing his lover and maybe his mind was playing tricks on him but…he knew that voice.

But was it even possible?

He'd seen the blood, Reno's blood on his hands, felt the warmth of it and the chill of his skin, enveloped in darkness until…

Cloud shook his head and took a step forward; the cloak stepped back but didn't attempt to run. He would not run – Cloud could feel it.

"Hey maybe you can help me out," the voice proposed when the blonde remained silent. "I'm looking for someone. On the short side, Blonde hair, spiky, blue eyes. Somewhat of a thinker," the cloak pointed to his head.

Cloud blinked. He fit that description. A faint hope told him that Reno was searching for him and maybe…

Silently, Cloud stepped forward and took hold of the hood veiling this mystery. Gently he started to push it back but the figure stopped him.

"I haven't even gotten an answer out of you and you want me to show off the goods?"

Cloud's heart thumped – he knew how to deal with this kind of attitude, and it gave him hope and despair in one full swing.

"Let me see your face and then I'll answer," the blonde offered, hands still clutched to the hood. Silence followed and Cloud took the invite.

"Please," he muttered, though he wasn't sure to whom or why and gently once again pushed the material back.

Red – beautiful red – flashed before him, then a brilliant blue-green. His hands shook as they drooped to his sides.

Marks under the eyes, flaming locks, eyes bright but not glowing. Cloud had to laugh at himself.

Because it wasn't Reno.

And why would it be? Irony was too cruel, but in a sense he only had himself to blame. The stranger shared his curious stare, but the blonde shrugged it off.

He clenched his fists as an angry disappointed reflex. He could feel the darkness bubbling up in his chest. He didn't know how many more let downs he could take.

"You happy now?" The stranger questioned voice still familiar and snide, like not everyone had the privilege to see him un-hooded within moments of meeting.

Cloud ignored the new red-head's questions, pushing past him heading back towards the new Fenrir. He heard a short "Tch" from behind him and in the blink of an eye, black whips were coiling in front of him and the stranger materialized.

His blue orbs stung when he recognized the stranger was using as the same darkness that created the heartless. Did that mean the stranger was part of that same darkness?

"I showed you my face. So now the least you can do is answer my damn question."

Cloud remembered just how aggravated he could become with this sort of attitude. His tolerance for it had faded over the years.

"I thought you were someone one I knew. Sorry." The blonde said more then a little tersely, putting a leg over his bike.

"You looking for somebody too, blondie?"

"Don't call me that!" Cloud hissed sharply.

"Ouch," The stranger mocked "Did I touch a nerve?" The black rain drop shaped marks rose slightly as he smirked and it made Cloud's stomach lurch.

The ex-soldier pursed his lips into a grim line, fingers now itching for the sword he'd left behind.

"I don't need this right now." His mako eyes sharpened while starting up the engine of his bike, hoping that it would intimidate the cloaked smartass.

"You're not going anywhere." A clammy cold hand wrapped itself around his wrist and his body was plunged into blackness.

"What the hell is going on?" Cloud couldn't help the outburst. His mind was jumbled and his skin was cold, freezing like death itself.

So he'd made a mistake. This man wasn't Reno, although the attributes were eerily similar. He wasn't about to go out snooping though. Look where a simple question had gotten him. Right in the middle of nothingness like he'd been when his world got destroyed. A chord suddenly struck in the blondes head. If this happened to be the same place that lost souls went when traveling between words then maybe this man would know exactly what happened to the people who weren't so 'lucky' to make it out alive.

"I'm looking for someone, and by the looks of it you are too." Cloud's expression turned sourer after the comment. "So why not help me out? I'm sure you know what it feels like to miss someone." The stranger kept prodding, running a hand through his overly spiky hair.

"You don't know me!" The blonde pushed back.

"Calm down there…" The confused organization member blurted out. "I didn't do a damn thing to you."

"Just let me out of here. I can't tell you what you want to know. I'm the only one that matches your description on this world."

"See that's all you would've had to say kid, and I would've left it alone." Another smirk and another twist of the ex-mercenaries gut.

"What's your name?" The cloaked ones voice was suddenly demanding, sharp in the way it struck Cloud's ears.

Instead of answering, Cloud just stood there and swallowed the lump in his throat.

He felt he would've collapsed into the overwhelming ebony if it wasn't for the fingers coiled securely around his wrist. Obediently he followed after the leading organization member, though he wondered how this mockery of his lover knew where he was going.

When he had finally settled with the darkness, growing braver with every step, he yanked his hand free and met this man with a ready glare when he turned around. Those sea-green orbs flared sharply at him in a familiar way that made Cloud's stomach wrench. Weather or not there was a connection or this stubborn stranger knew anything…the similarities were too intense to ignore.

Clenching his fists at his sides, he readied himself.

"Reno…" It came out airy and strained, catching the redhead's attention. The cloaked stranger gave a look… the name struck something but at the same time rang no bells.

"Excuse me?" He asked, features animated in his inquiry.

Cloud met the eyes of green and tried again.

"Reno…you're just like him."

"Huh?" he was getting frustrated. The blonde was leaving too many blanks for him to fully understand.

"Red…red like Reno." the blonde muttered, voice growing gradually in volume. "You have his eyes…and you're cheeks, they—"

"So I guess it's safe to assume that you ARE looking for someone," the taller boy commented. "Reno, huh?"

He placed a thoughtful finger to his perfect chin and pondered, tasting the name and staring into those blue depths. Rapidly he blinked a throbbing taking place in his head.

"_Dammit--! Were you trying to kill me?" _

"_Shut up and sit still already." Spiky blonde hair and blue eyes look at him sternly. "Either this cut, or that fucker would have cut your throat." _

"_Yeah, yeah. That sword of yours is a real kicker…" _

_Soft hands touched a newborn scar upon his shoulder, and he hissed. _

The stranger reflexively took a hold of his left shoulder, wondering if he was just imagining the small sting.

"Give me a name," he pleaded in a tone that radiated authority, though for the most part was a bluff to get what he wanted.

"…Cloud. I'm looking for someone named Reno, and—"

"Sorry kid, I don't know any Reno."

Cloud bit his lip, frustration starting to boil again.

"What's your name then?" Cloud asked, trying to stifle the shake in his voice.

"Axel…" the red-head shook his head.

"How do I get out of here?" Cloud rushed the phrase; if Axel couldn't help him then he'd just have to find out himself.

"Your not going anywhere." The rebel organization member's head throbbed from the odd flash of pictures. The empty place in his chest surged with pain for one moment and was gone the next. How strange…

"What more could you possibly want to know?"

"You make me feel strange, you know that?" Axel confessed, trying to let the feelings sink in to identify them but it wasn't possible.

"I don't know what your talking about so just let me leave." Cloud hated to sound even marginally pathetic but it was almost as if he couldn't help it.

"Now that you mention it, you do look a lot like Roxas." Axel smirked at Cloud's confused expression.

"I'll tell you what," he continued voice getting a little more mischievous. "You tell me if you ever find anyone named Roxas wandering around on this world and I'll tell you if I ever come across this Reno of yours." Axel thought himself clever for the proposition he'd just made to the blonde. Too bad Cloud didn't see it the same way.

"No." It was short and simple and somehow the odd tone of the blonde's soft voice sent shivers though Axel's hollow body.

"What do you mean _no_?" The redhead had been caught off guard. How could that plan have sounded bad to the brooding warrior?

"Exactly what it sounds like," Cloud crossed his arms in a familiar stern stance. He wasn't being tricked again, especially not by someone he'd just met.

"Are you hardheaded or just stupid!" Axel's already short fuse was getting shorter by the second. He gave Cloud a pitiful look, one brow lifted in an expression the blonde knew well.

Annoyed by the attitude he was receiving, as well as confused by it, Axel took a hold of Cloud's arm. He wanted to find his friend, right?

"Worlds are colliding, even now. If you're looking for someone, then you're going to need all the help you can get."

The troubled blonde yanked his arm free. So this Axel had a point. Even so, he'd never seen any 'Roxas' running around, or anyone that supposedly looked like him.

"Why are you looking for him?" Cloud questioned suspiciously, not really caring if he was annoying this mockery of his lover. This memory teaser.

Axel rolled his false mako pools and threw his hands into the air before clapping them heavily against his sides. He wasn't expecting 20 questions.

"Depends," the fiery-haired boy said carefully, not willing to push all his chips in the pile only to be gambling on nothing. "If I tell you, will you change your mind?"

Cloud gave it honest thought. He didn't know why he was being so stubborn. Stranger or no, this guy was offering help to find someone he wanted so badly to see again. And though this willowy cloaked figure seemed crafty, he couldn't see anything that could backfire and slap him in the face. In short, help one another look for a missing person.

No catch, right?

His decision was made as soon as he saw the redhead smirk.

Axel was nearly taken back when Cloud responded.

"Maybe."

The taller man raised his posture. It was better then a 'no'.

"The guy thinks he can run off without being noticed. I'm just looking to drag him back."

For a moment Cloud wondered if maybe the kid ran away to get _away_ from Axel. But he decided it was best to keep his mouth shut, probably for the better.

"What about you? You're in the same boat, aren't you?" the redhead pressed.

Cloud blinked. Axel was looking for a runaway, _he_ was looking for a lost loved one. It wasn't the same.

"I don't need a reason to want to find someone. You don't understand."

"Ah, the mellow-dramatic type." Axel groaned. Cloud would have hit him if the phrase wasn't so Reno-like. In fact if it wasn't for the similarities he wouldn't have been here at all. "Let's skip this little side-show. Do we have a deal or no, 'coz if not, then you're wasting my time."

Axel held out a hand, hoping the blonde would take it and that he didn't just blow his chance for extra help. To both his surprise and relief, their hands were clasped in a sturdy handshake.

"Deal," Cloud confirmed, holding the man's hand tighter as he added; "Don't double-cross me."

Frankly – Axel inwardly scoffed – he had no reason to.


	2. Darkness Coils

Sorry for the delay on the second chapter " im a slow typer and im lazy to boot. Hope you all like this next intallment its got a little bit of goodness for everybody. Thanks goes out to my best friend and beta Crimson Vixen without her this chapter wouldnt of been possible. Enjoy and review please!

"_W-why are we doing this?" Soft ruby tendrils tickled his skin as the red-head tucked his head to Cloud's body. Both of their chests were exposed and warmly pressed to one another. _

_Cloud sighed though his nose and tucked some of the Turk's hair behind his ear, only for the stubborn locks to spring back into place. He looked into the green cat-like eyes, infused with a semi-bluish mako glow._

"_I really…" Cloud whispered, a little scared of where he was and what he was doing… who he was with. "Don't know…" _

"_This is bad," Reno murmured. "I think you might be growing on me…" _

Once again, he woke up with a start, in near the same way he had the night before. He put a hand to his head and let his thumping heart settle.

How long could this keep up?

Looking over to his side, Leon lay snoozing beside him, and Cloud was tickled with an uncomfortable guilt. He slid off the bed and padded over to the mirror to stare deeply into his own mako-pools.

Well, technically, the mako glow was hardly noticeable anymore, ever since he had arrived on this world. Now they were just… blue.

Blue eyes, blonde hair… There were lots of people that fit that description. How was he supposed to find this Roxas person with only that description to go on? It felt silly to go looking for himself…

Before he knew what he was doing, or before he even comprehended that he'd moved, his hand was on the door, already pushing it ajar.

"Cloud…" a voice tore his hand off the handle and it retracted back to his side. The blonde turned.

"Leon."

"Where are you going? It's the middle of the night."

Cloud pondered. He wasn't sure where he was going. He wanted to find Reno, wanted to find Roxas, wanted to find everyone, like he felt a responsibility to it. Hell, he wouldn't even mind running into that Axel character again. He wanted to believe that there was no particular reason for that but deep down he was pretty sure he knew why.

"I don't know," He gave the vague answer because it was the only thing he had.

His fingers teetered along the door handle again. He wanted to leave but his conscious was digging at him not to leave Leon again.

Cloud ripped them away again, moving back to the bed and Leon's still sleepy form.

"You gotta stop leaving in the middle of the night," The brunette stated bluntly. Like it was just that damn easy to stop thinking and let everything go.

"I would if I could," He bit his bottom lip and stared blankly at his partner.

The ex-Seed knew what the blonde was going through. He'd been sheltered, put up those thick concrete walls to block everything, but he was past that now and ready to accept that life was cruel and sometimes you didn't always get what you wanted.

Cloud's soul may have been tortured but there was no reason to sit there and wallow in all that sorrow. And if it truly couldn't be helped then why do it alone?

That was something they both had in common. They both hated being alone; he knew it about himself and he recognized the same thing in the blonde.

He'd lost things and people just like the blue-eyed boy, and it had festered in him for too long and he'd just let it go.

That's what Cloud needed to do, Leon decided. He needed to let go but it couldn't be done simply because someone willed it.

Like a scared child being offered a place in bed next to his parents, the blonde's arms fell to his sides and slowly he trudged towards the bed. Leon was waiting with open arms and wrapped them around Cloud when he crawled onto the sheets.

The brunette wasn't so sure when he'd learned such affections or when he's started practicing them, but it seemed to be working. Maybe he'd learned it from someone else?

Cloud pushed himself into Leon's hold, and thin but strong arms coiled around him protectively. He inhaled the scent of storms and mist. His hair was soft, as was his skin, and Cloud pulled away to look into Leon's fogged irises.

Without even thinking, the blonde stroked Leon's cheekbones with his thumbs, just under the eyes. The faintest wisps of red flashed in his vision and Cloud shook his head.

This was part of the reason he felt guilty, because subconscious or not, he imagined Reno there with him.

"I…" The words trailed off when he clamped his mouth shut. He was going to offer Leon an apology, but for what he really didn't know.

"What, Cloud?" The brunette stroked the soft skin just at the ex-mercenaries temple, planting a light kiss there as if it was going to be some sort of encouragement.

"I want to stop thinking, and if I have to leave to do it, I will." Cloud's words felt heavy and selfish and the sting of tears beginning to gush didn't help his mood. He'd never felt this pathetic before.

"That's not going to help anything. You left before and came back even more empty handed. Did you see something out there or something?"

Well if that didn't hit the nail right on the head…

But there was no way Leon could know, so Cloud let his shoulders sag a little. Still, perhaps the brunette had a right to know. Cloud inwardly laughed, of course he did.

"Axel," he blurted suddenly, before any thinking could be done. Axel; yeah, real informative.

Leon gave a confused look.

"What?"

"He's this guy I ran into the other night," the blonde breathed hesitantly. He licked his dry lips trying to choose his words carefully. "He's looking for… someone, too. I told him I'd help him and in return he's going to help…"

He trailed off airily, unsure how to finish. Leon was already giving him that look, eyes locking onto him in a way he couldn't escape.

"Don't tell me that you actually think he's still alive," Leon's tone felt mocking, as if he wished and wished for something but the hope had just burnt out somewhere along the line.

The way that he just left out Reno's name…well there was something to be said for that, too.

"Why wouldn't I?" The golden haired youth snapped back. Leon was beginning to burn his short fuse again. It seemed to be happening more often.

The younger man scoffed and ran a hand though his shaggy hair.

"Because he's dead. You told me that yourself, yet you still cling onto some misguided hope. It's not possible for everyone to survive a heartless invasion. The weaker someone's heart is, the more likely it is to be devoured."

"What do you mean weaker?" Cloud felt something snap inside him. There were limits that were pushed on a daily basis when it came to Reno, like how intimate he got with Leon or how much he wanted to forget. But there was one thing Cloud knew in his heart, no matter how empty it felt, that Reno was not weak! If it was anyone's fault that Reno had gotten swept away by the darkness it was his.

"You have no idea what you're talking about Leon!" The blonde's voice was filled with venom, and he wasn't about to stop there.

What in the hell would posses Leon to say something like that? He would never even dream of saying anything that cruel to the ex-Seed.

"If you believe what you're saying then why are you still fighting a so called ghost for my attention?"

"Can't you see that you're just dwelling on the past."

"Would you rather I forget everything? Is that what you want?"

"Listen Cloud," the brunette took a firm hold on the blonde's shoulders and stared deep into his depths. "All I'm saying is not everyone can come out of a heartless invasion scathe-free. It's been two years, Cloud!"

"You don't understand, he's – "

"He's gone, Cloud. Why can't you see that?"

The words reverberated thickly in his head. Was Leon right? It was his fault Reno was gone he'd somehow felt that all along. Leon was just rubbing it in.

Was it all that cruel anymore? Not when it was the truth.

Cloud took a step back, no longer seeing Leon but looking past him, body growing unexplainably cold.

He'd… let Reno die. Just like Aries and just like Zack.

"So," he spoke softly, hollow. "Is that what you've always thought? That he's been dead this whole time and it's because he wasn't strong enough?"

As harsh as Leon's words had sounded to his ears, hope still resided within him, and he wasn't going to let it go. For anyone.

"Cloud, don't do this." Leon spoke to the blonde as if he were trying to prevent a small child from having a temper tantrum.

"Reno died because I wasn't strong enough!"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what did you mean? Just because you would rather erase everything doesn't mean I should too, Squall."

Saying Leon's real name was a method he picked up when the subject of the past became intense like this, Leon picked up the new name to separate himself from the life he had before the heartless destroyed it.

"I was his strength," Cloud went on, not as loud but just as firm. "So when you talk about a weak heart you're talking about me. I don't go blaming you for your past, or what I know of it. So don't tell me you don't think about the people that got left behind."

It felt strange to say so much so fast, but red flashed behind his lids, and when he saw red, he had a habit of holding his ground in an argument.

"You can't be there to save everyone all the time"

"Is that the excuse you use to make yourself feel better about everything?" Cloud recognized Leon's angry glare and he could feel those eyes again.

"Hope is faint and usually not real. It can deceive you and tear you away from something that's actually there."

"Is that what this is about?" The ex-mercenary felt dumb asking because he already knew the truth.

"You don't want me to have hope because you're afraid that if I think Reno is still alive then I'll leave you."

He may have been assuming a lot but he had a right.

"No, as a matter of fact that's not it," Leon's tone took on a defensive note. "Believe it or not I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to stop this before it comes back to… you know what? Never mind."

"No, tell me what you want to say," It was almost like he was trying to bet Reno to talk all over again. There he went again, comparing.

"Let's say I let you go, let's say I let you believe that he's out there," he says _he _with a strange inflection. "And later on you find out he's been dead all this time. What then? You'll be better off just accepting it now, instead of getting you're hopes up."

Actually hearing the word 'dead' and how it was referring to Reno twisted the knife in his gut.

Cloud scowled. Was Leon right? Maybe he was trying to protect him. But didn't he deserve to find out for himself, regardless of what he would find?

The whole fight was pointless just like all the others they had. He'd usually leave right about now, fed up with Leon's hypocrisy but tonight… he was tired and wanted to sleep. So he'd let Leon think he'd won and tomorrow go searching on his own. For Roxas, for Reno, for Axel.

Cloud's eyes became glazed with tears and he practically collapsed onto the bed. Limbs too tired to do anything else.

Leon watched him do this and joined him, letting the flame of their argument fade. He hated seeing Cloud like this. He hated causing it even more. But Cloud didn't need a letdown like finding proof that the one he'd been looking for for two years wasn't coming back.

Without another word, Cloud pulled the covers over himself and for the first time in a long time, did not want to be held. He wanted it all to go away, even temporarily. But Leon didn't crack jokes, or make idle comments about little things.

He wondered if Leon thought him strange but a second later, he didn't care. He felt the brunette's hand on his shoulder and had to resist the urge to push it off.

Leon was apologizing, and he knew it. But he never voiced his acceptance of it—wasn't sure if he did.

At least he understood these moments well enough to stop trying to get him to talk.

He pulled the covers tighter around himself. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore, or what he believed. Leon joined him in bed in an awkward silence, and Cloud's thoughts hammered him until it knocked him into a restless sleep.

The room was still dark when he cracked his eyes open for the last time. He was still warm and somewhat comfortable but there was a sizable empty spot in the bed next to him… Leon was gone.

He shifted his body and stretched his muscles. He's probably out thinking again, he assumed. That's fine; he needed to get out, too. He never changed last night so there was no reason to get dressed. Instead he just up and left.

As soon as he stepped out, the feeling hit him like a tidal wave. That overwhelming darkness, undeniable in its presence. The very one that always succumbed to the shadows, and still showed up whenever he felt ready to wreak a little havoc.

It was creeping into his heart again and he didn't know why. The name that harbored the shadow was on the tip of his tongue, although he didn't want to believe it. He just kept coming back again and again, mostly because of that same evil. Sephiroth had somehow embraced the darkness and even if Reno had somehow done the same thing… Reno already had a somewhat cynical side to him. He didn't want to see the red-head with that side taking over, though. Cloud suppressed a shudder.

Sephiroth was close, he could feel it. As if he didn't have enough to worry about, now his nemesis was here to mock him. But if a man always shrouded in darkness could come back, then why couldn't Reno? Or anyone else for that matter?

Something thumped hard in his chest and he had to stop to catch his breath. It had never been this bad before. Only when Sephiroth was trying to call out to him did he ever feel this way.

But why the hell would he be trying to do that? Maybe he didn't have any other reason then to do it. That was bad.

A strange part of him wanted to ask Sephiroth, if he saw him, about the darkness. If it could be overcome, if Reno had a chance…

But that was silly. To Sephiroth, his way was the only way, and would only try to force it upon him should he bring it up.

That pang in his chest struck hard again. Why!

There was no time to tell anyone. The harder the pain struck in his chest the closer Sephiroth was and he knew he was the only one that could sense the man presence. He needed to find the ex-general and soon.

The blonde knew there was no reason other then his aching curiosity that drove him to seek out his darkness. However they used to be in the past, died in the past. The silver-haired general would always be part of his dearest memories, but that's where he wanted him to stay.

But there was something there. Whether Sephiroth's reason for returning was justified or not, a good reason or not, Sephiroth had a reason, and he was looking for him.

And even though darkness followed the man like a shadow, Cloud felt it in his heart, like a duty to go see the man. Or more like something inside of him was pulling him.

One thing was for sure… he'd see Sephiroth soon.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and the dark feelings in his chest. His eyes fell onto Leon, who wasn't out wondering like he first thought, but instead pacing the marketplace. The most noticeable thing however, was that the brunette looked very troubled.

Cloud quickly closed the distance between them.

"Leon-"

"He's coming back."

"What?" the blonde blinked rapidly. Did Leon know about Sephiroth? Feel him? That wasn't possible.

"Sora. I just know it," Leon clarified. "I almost forgot. He was in the back of my mind."

Sora? He knew a Sora. Way back when he first got thrown into a new world, at the coliseum. The same boy who saved all worlds from complete and utter blackness.

"He's coming here?" Cloud asked, sort of confused by the sudden change of events.

Was that why Sephiroth was calling out to him? Because he wanted Cloud to bring him Sora?

The young keyblade master had always struck some odd interest in the ex-general. The darkness had even willed Cloud to try and kill the boy.

"Yes. I can feel him somewhere near."

Since when could Leon 'feel' things? Lightlessness was usually the only thing that surged within people. He hoped to Gaia that Leon wasn't getting pulses from the heartless as well.

Not that Sora represented darkness, or anything close to it. In fact, maybe Sora could bring some source of light to this place.

"How can you be so sure?" Cloud pressed. If he could feel Sephiroth and Leon could feel Sora… something was certainly up.

"I'm sure." Leon looked to the blonde, not wanting to be questioned.

"Then it's probably important that you know I can sense…" he was cut off when Leon's eyes darted away to catch a glimpse of Yuffie who was bouncing her way over to them.

"Leon!" She yelled, as if his name was the most important thing at the moment. Both men looked at her. "Leon! You're never going to guess who showed up!"

She stopped just short of them and waited for one of them to take a shot. When neither offered one, she pouted but it quickly blossomed back into a smile.

"Sora! Sora, Donald, and Goofy—they're back!" she spouted. Leon gave Cloud a knowing look. "Come on!"

The young ninja and the brooding lion went off, but Cloud's legs didn't budge.

If Aeris, Sephiroth, and Sora could all some back, then…

"Cloud? Aren't you coming?" Yuffie's voice sounded a little urgent but Cloud just shrugged it off. Sure Sora would be a sight for sore eyes but there were more important things at the moment.

"Where do you plan on going?"

"I've got some things to do, I'll catch up with Sora later." The ex-soldier waved a hand to shrug the tenseness off. He needed to go where the tug on his heart would guide him.

Like an overwhelming dizziness a surge of something unnatural rose within him and before he could stop it, words that were not his own came spilling out of his mouth.

"Tell the keyblade wielder that the darkness is never far behind him."

"What?" Leon gave a concerned look. Yuffie had gone on ahead, but Leon was still trying to make him move.

Cloud shook his head.

"N-Nothing, sorry," he stuttered, swaying. "I… don't know where that came from."

Even though it was a lie, he hoped Leon would buy it.

"You don't look so good," the brunette calmly mentioned, trying to look into Clouds eyes. He only got a blank stare back.

"I have to go." Cloud swallowed hard, stumbling forward as he tried to get further away from Leon.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Let me take you home."

"No." The blonde warrior's eyes rolled back into his head and he toppled backwards, hitting the ground before Leon had the chance to catch him.

The boy was by his side in the next instant and, arm looping under his and pulling him into a sitting position.

"I'm taking you home," Leon said assertively, dragging Cloud to his feet and supporting him.

Cloud gurgled deep in his throat. He didn't want the help but he needed it and his head hesitantly nodded.

"Here…" the taller boy offered, taking slow steps with Cloud to there place, leading the blonde all the way to the bed. He watched worriedly as Cloud put a hand to his head.

"Are you going to be ok here?" Leon sounded honestly concerned and Cloud had no doubt that the brunette would stay with him if he asked him too.

"Yeah…" his tone was unsure and Leon knew it.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Leon kissed Cloud's forehead tenderly, somewhat tucking the weary blonde in.

Cloud felt like a helpless little kid all over again, even as he nodded his head to the brunette. He could see hesitation in Leon's eyes.

"Go," the ex-mercenary urged. "I'll be fine."

Leon didn't like it, and he was worried, but he nodded tersely and left, leaving Cloud in his own isolation. Once the dizziness passed, he got to his feet, letting the heavy pull on his heart guide him.

"Sephiroth," he growled. "What are you trying to do?"

He walked like a zombie and he could feel the information the darkness carried swirl in his head. He focused on the words to try and figure out what was being pumped through his body.

"_The heartless are amassing again. Only this time, they want to hearts of their own. They're waiting for something." _He could hear Sephiroths words reverberate smoothly in his mind.

Cloud felt helpless because he couldn't speak back to the voice at the moment. And there was so much he wanted to say, wanted to ask.

His feet shuffled aimlessly, yet had a destination. He just wished he knew where that was.

"_You know. You can feel it, cant you?" _

Cloud did his best to ignore the voice, hard as it was. But it was like the harder he tired, the louder it rang in his skull.

"_Cloud, I want you to let go and come to me. You want an escape? The darkness can give you that."_

Cloud shut his eyes and squeezed hard. The tone of Sephiroth's voice was gentle and all knowing; he wanted him to join him in the darkness.

"I can't…" Cloud rasped out, not sure why.

"_You can, you're more than capable," _the deep voice rumbled. _"I can sense the part of you that wants out. Try to let it take control and you won't have to worry." _

"Shut up," Cloud seethed.

"_But Cloud. The darkness holds all escape. All answers. It knows what you're looking for." _

Blue eyes sprang wide. Sephiroth always toyed with him, but why was he…?

"Just shut up!" he hollered.

"_I'll find you Cloud, and it will be so easy to crush all the irritating light in you." _

Light? Cloud wasn't sure what the sinister man meant by that. He was sure there wasn't much light in his life.

"Nobody can give me back what I want!"

"_Feeling bitter, I see," _Sephiroth's voice took a tone that sent Cloud's spine crawling. _"That's good." _

Cloud felt his lip bleeding from biting it so hard. It was all he had to keep himself from screaming.

"Stop trying to pull me down to your level," the blonde rasped, growing heavier.

He wasn't sure what he was doing or why. Maybe he was just trying to defend himself the only way he could at the moment.

"_And ignorant too. That's what got you in the state your in now." _

"No."

"_No? Don't fool yourself Cloud. You've been hiding all your life. Let something help you for once. Let me help you find your true self." _

"Don't give me that bull-shit. I'm smarter then I was back then. I know the games you play." Cloud did know now and he didn't have gaps in his memory anymore to make him wonder.

A low chuckle arose in the back of his skull.

"_So the darkness holds nothing for you?" _Another chuckle. _"What if I told you that I have answers, the very ones you seek."_

Cloud tensed. There was no way Sephiroth could know about…

"_You'll have to come to me first; however, I'll be waiting…Cloud."_

His head throbbed and he fell to his knees. Soon the world started to fade into the very blackness Cloud was desperately running away from.


	3. A New Threat

(Well heres the newest chapter of Skin Deep! Sorry it took so long I have a bad habit of not typing things up on time . Anyways I hope you all enjoy and review and know that I own none of the charaters...And thanks to my beta I couldnt have done it without you!)

"_Come on, get up!" _

Cloud had to find the strength to pry his heavy eyes open, but even then, it was hard to see.

"_Wake up already-geez! Sleep like a log!" _

That impatient voice rattled something inside his brain and he opened his eyes fully. All he saw was a red blob surrounded by blinding white. White nothingness.

Soon the red started to clear, and he could make out a long rattail and glowing green eyes.

"_Rise and shine already blondie!"_ came the voice again, deep and smooth to his ears.

"…Reno…?" the name was raw in his throat, but it flowed so naturally. Cloud pushed himself into a sitting position and blinked heavily. Reno, he was there.

Right, there. Just as beautiful and sloppy as Cloud remembered him. Instinctively, he reached a hand out to touch that soft skin, but as close as Reno appeared, he was just out of reach.

"_It's about time!"_ Reno piped. _"That's just like you." _

"Wha…"

"_Always keeping me waiting." _

Cloud reached out again, and this time he was able to touch the face. But it didn't feel right. The face started to contort and the blinding whiteness turned into surroundings that he recognized.

"Reno?"

"I already told you, I didn't find him." Cloud shook his head and was shot back into reality. Axel was just above him, and Cloud had to retract back when he realized he was thinking about kissing the wrong man.

"What?"

"Cant find him. Sorry."

The blonde came to the conclusion that he's been asleep, and he'd woken up to a nightmare where he was no closer to finding the one he'd been dreaming about every night.

"Well then," Cloud pulled out of Axel's supporting arms and stood, dusting himself off. "Why are you here?"

Axel stood as well, giving a rather casual look that bothered the blonde.

"I'm here to tell you that the deals off."

"What!?" this was sudden. "What about… Roxas?" he tried to change the redhead's mind on impulse.

"Found him. Doesn't remember me," he added sadly. "But I found him."

"So… that's it. You got what you wanted so you're done." It was then that Cloud realized that he's been screwed again. He didn't think that such a plan could backfire but here he was, empty handed, losing what little help he's just gained.

"Newsflash. He doesn't remember me. How is that getting what I wanted?"

"That still doesn't change the fact that you're up and ready to screw me."

Axel didn't look the least bit offended by the comment. Probably because he couldn't even feel the scathing bite behind it.

"I don't know what to tell you. Unless you can somehow get Roxas's memories back there is no deal."

"I can't even find the person I'm looking for and you want me to get someone's memories back?"

"I guess this means you're not going to thank me for picking you up and dragging you back here." Axel tried to change the subject.

Cloud's lips twisted into something tight. Axel didn't necessarily stab him in the back, but he was playing a rather cruel joke he was all to familiar with: Getting what he wanted in an agreement and then cutting it short so he wouldn't have to commit. He'd lectured Reno about it plenty times.

"No, I'm not. I'm not asking anything big of you, I'm not asking you to bring him back to me," as nice as that sounded to the blonde. "Just keep an eye out for him. Is that really so much to ask?"

The redhead gave it some thought.

"Lemme ask you something," he proposed. "How sure are you that this Reno is wandering around somewhere?"

"I can feel him," Cloud answered instinctively.

"You can feel him," Axel echoed, crossing his arms. "You mean have no actual proof he's…"

He stopped, a new concept creeping into his mind. Maybe this Reno character didn't look like the blonde remembered. Maybe he'd been turned into something else. After all, there were countless heartless and nobodies, so, maybe?

"Who's to say that he's still how you remember him?" Axel stated his thoughts aloud. He was an organization member after all so it wasn't like he didn't know what was building here. The thoughts made him shiver slightly, he wasn't exactly sure he liked what the organization was planning but it was his duty to carry out his orders…right?

"What are you saying?" The blonde was more then aware that the darkness could change people's appearances but he's never even thought that Reno had somehow melted in with the rest of the darkness.

The thought struck his heart cold. If Reno had become a heartless then who was to say that he hadn't already been slaughtered, perhaps by Cloud himself.

"Now don't go thinking that he's already dead." Axel interrupted the morbid train of thought that his mind was wandering down. "If you can feel him I'd trust that instinct." The redhead wasn't quite sure why he was encouraging the sullen blonde's futile search. He guessed that there was just something in him that didn't like to see people's hopes get dashed.

"How can I not? Every time I think I have something it gets ripped away." Cloud slumped heavily on the bed. There was no way this was helping. If anything, it was just creating more frustration.

…In a way he knew all to well.

But as frustrating as it was, the sliver of hope inside of him grew at the thought of someone else mentioning Reno's possible survival. That if he felt it, then nothing should stop him from denying that feeling. There was one feeling though that was still pulling at him, a question he had yet to ask Axel.

"How do you know about the darkness?"

It was a valid question, this Axel knew, but there was no way in hell that he was going to reveal that he was part of the reason why all the heartless were amassing, and by the looks of it Cloud didn't have the slightest idea what Nobodies even were and that was the way that it should probably stay.

"I only know as much as the average person, pal." He tried to wave it off.

"Nice try." The blonde monotoned.

"Can't pull one over on you can I?" Axel sneered, not liking that fact that Cloud could see right thought his very thin visage.

"No, you're just a terrible liar,"

Axel shrugged: ok, fair enough.

"Tell me," the blonde suddenly piped.

"What?" Axel crossed his thin arms again.

"Anything…everything…What you know and I don't, because I know there's something different about you."

True, Cloud wasn't quite sure what he meant by different, but he knew what he felt.

For supposedly not having a heart, Axel felt an unexplainable pang smack his chest. Those deep blue eyes were irresistible when they wanted answers, and the redhead could practically feel himself being pulled into their questioning depths.

When the organization member took too long in his silence, Cloud took a step forward.

"Please," he asked unexpectedly. Axel hated begging, and hoped that wasn't where the blonde was heading.

"Don't." The redhead warned. "Don't ask me questions I can't answer."

Cloud quirked an eyebrow at Axel's resistance. "Is there someone keeping you from giving me the information I want? I don't see a gun to your head."

Axel smirked and scratched his head.

"You're right. I don't. Wouldn't matter if I did anyway."

You could harm the shell but it wasn't like killing a person. All he would do is fade into darkness where he probably belonged. Maybe he would regain his heart there?

What an interesting thought. A life after this empty one? There was no way.

When he turned back to the confused blonde, Axel was taken aback. The boy's eyes were not only filled to the rim with questions, but they were also shimmering with threatening tears.

"…Does he really mean that much to you?"

"Did Roxas mean anything to you?"

Ah, fire with fire. He liked that. The cloaked redhead put a thoughtful finger to his chin. This Cloud character seemed determined-an admiral trait-and willing.

Well, he'd always been somewhat of a black sheep when it came to the organization. He broke and bent more rules then he'd admit, a little more…soft, if you will.

"I'd be toast if anyone found out about this, if that's even possible." He drawled carefully. Cloud still couldn't get over the identical tone, the rise and fall of that voice. "So this stays between you and me, alright spiky?" And I'm not saying that this is the case, it's just a theory."

"I'll keep my mouth shut. Just tell me what you know."

"I know you have plenty of experience with the heartless," the redhead moved in closer like he was afraid that there were going to be people listening to their conversation if he wasn't careful. "But have you ever heard of creatures called nobodies?"

Cloud's eyes narrowed. Nobodies? There was so much that he didn't know. But maybe talking with Axel would subtract talking with Sephiroth?

"What are they?" It sounded silly but Axel was hesitating and he was tired of watching; he wanted answers now.

"…your world…was it destroyed by the heartless?" Axel tested. Cloud slowly nodded. "And Reno…what happened to him?"

Silence overtook them both. But Cloud wanted to know so he had to get them in the only way Axel knew how. He'd have to know what transpired, whether he was there when it happened, what kind of person Reno was---the strength of his heart.

"Reno was hurt when I found him. There was a gash across his chest and no way to close it. I tried to save him, take him someplace safe but we were both taken by the darkness. When I woke up…Reno was gone." Cloud vaguely wondered why he was suddenly so open with all the details of the events.

There were things about Reno's death the he hadn't even told Leon about and here he was spilling his guts to a stranger.

A lot of it might've had to do with that same familiar hope. The one Leon had discarded, and the one Axel was encouraging. The hope that Leon tore apart and refused to believe in versus the hope Axel was feeding with long awaited information.

"I see," Axel mumbled to himself. "And scuse me for asking but…was he a very strong willed person?"

A certain, indefinable chord reverberated in Cloud's chest. Leon had talked about strength and weakness, and it wasn't a conversation he wanted to relive…But even if this confrontation was heading in the same direction, he was at least getting something out of it. Not like there was a clear answer to that question anyway.

Reno was strong in his own sense, stubborn and hard because of the way he'd grown up.

"We went through a lot and came out of it ok. I guess you could call that strong willed."

"So he had a strong heart..?" Axel mused.

Cloud nodded slowly. Reno and he both had grown up in difficult circumstances, survived a world crises and come out of it with both their mental states intact…well at least Reno had.

"Yeah, stronger then most. For sure."

And it was very convincing, like it was a fact set in stone.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Axel prepped himself; this would either make or break the blonde, depending on how he took it. If anything, he's know more then most, an even though it may not be true that this Reno was a nobody and he was only fueling false hope, it was something for the blonde to consider in his search.

"When a strong hearted person's heart gets devoured by a heartless, some remnants of the soul get left behind along with the body as an empty shell. That's what a nobody is and by the looks of it your Reno could be one of them."

"Wait…so you're telling me that Reno isn't a heartless but one of these nobodies?"

"Listen," Axel's voice became stern. "Strong hearted people create a heartless and a nobody. One with the heart and one that's the shell. Two parts of the same person."

"So…how do I fix it?" Cloud questioned. "I just need to find both?"

Cloud's heart lifted…

There's hope.

Because…maybe Reno was out there, just in a different appearance.

But then…he took a long glance at the helpful redhead, letting it all soak in. The face, the voice, and the personality. A new card flew to the table.

He had to test it first, though.

"Axel," he licked his lips. "What are you?"

The redheads eyebrows lowered and his lips pulled into a smirk.

"That's a bit of a personal question don't you think?"

"You have to be kidding me…" Cloud scowled, clenching his fists in frustration.

"What? You wouldn't believe me if I told you that I'm just like you." Axel knew that the blonde was perceptive but he wasn't counting on him catching on this quick.

"You told me to follow my instincts," Cloud spoke slowly, making sure Axel caught on. "And they're telling me that there's something you're not telling me."

Axel humped. Cloud was actually smarter then he first gave him credit for. Well, he'd probably never see the blonde again after this so…

"I know a lot about Nobodies," he stated locking eyes… "Because I am a Nobody."

Cloud's eyes widened, and his heart gave an extra loud thump.

"What are you staring at, is it really that big of a surprise?"

"Couldn't you have told me that from the beginning?"

"Didn't think you'd be smart enough to figure me out."

Cloud pushed the comment away because there were now more important things to worry about. It was time to put Axel's theory to the test.

"You know," Cloud drawled unusually. "It could be because I know how to deal with your kind. With that attitude," Cloud boldly tried. "Because it's the same as dealing with Reno."

Axel was quiet. What could he say?

"You said you're a nobody, made from the strong heart of someone else. But you don't know who your shell is, do you?"

"Fuck. I should've never told you this." Axel backed up a bit as Cloud stalked over toward him.

He'd have to hear the blonde out. If only to get him off his back.

"Reno's almost exactly like you…so how could I have not come to this conclusion?"

"You don't mean…you think I'm…"

"I don't just think it, I can feel it."

Cloud's fingertips brushed Axel's cheekbones lightly, and the redhead tensed. It felt good, and familiar—but—what about Roxas…?

"You're not thinking straight," the taller man slapped the others hand away, sliding out of reach. "I'm sorry but you're mistaken. Nobody or not, I'm my own person."

Confusing as it was.

"Look," Axel continued. "You have spunk, determination, the stuff of heroes. But don't let it blind you from the truth."

Axel wasn't sure how the tables had turned, how he was now the one being pressured, but he didn't like it. He'd been gone for too long anyway Saix was probably throwing a fit by now.

"You just told me this theory yourself." Cloud knew he was getting a bit carried away with this new information but Axel felt right.

"You're a Nobody. Meaning that without a heart you could forget everything you knew."

"I'm Axel…not Reno. I," Axel tired to speak with authority. "Am my own person." Axel trailed off.

"Don't think that just because I told you some small facts that now, you think you know everything about us!"

Cloud's arms dropped to his sides. One moment the redhead was being helpful and giving him hope and the next he was taking it all away. He seemed scared about what Cloud could only assume.

Voices sounded and belts jingled outside the door. Cloud knew instantly that Leon was lurking outside the door returning from his meeting with Sora and the others. This was a major problem because if Axel disappeared then he may never see him again…would never see him again. Without thinking he reached out to Axel again, to touch him, to hold him…And for some reason, Axel was frozen in place and just as Cloud's hand was about to graze that skin, the door opened.

Fast; it slammed against the wall.

Cloud and Axel whipped their heads to the sound, eyeing the brunette that now stood there. Before the boy could say a word, Axel turned back to Cloud.

"We'll finish this up later," he said sourly, and Cloud blinked, reaching out one last time to touch the cloaked redhead as he snapped his fingers summoning a swirling black hole like before.

As Axel stepped backwards into the endless blackness and as Leon started to march forward, the redhead gave a long look to Cloud.

"I'll tell you what, you'd make one hell of a Nobody," he spoke fondly.

Cloud could hear Leon, shouting and yelling for his safely and Axel's leave, but couldn't make out words, even as Leon's hands clasped his shoulders and Axel got lost in the gaping hole.

Leon was shaking him, voice far away as he stared to where Axel had been standing. Was it possible…?

"Cloud! Cloud--!" the brunette's voice finally broke through. "Cloud, are you alright? Who was that!?"

Could he really say? Explain how he thought the stranger Leon just pushed out might have been the one he'd been searching for.

Cloud slumped into Leon's grip as he was drug away from the swirling black hole. His eyes were heavy from the rush of emotions and probably the darkness growing in his heart again.

"Cloud?" Leon's voice was unnervingly panicked and the blonde could barely feel those arms around his weary frame. The darkness was alluring, too alluring and comforting. And Axel was there…

Leon managed to drag Cloud's body back to the bed, setting the half conscious blonde on his back and peering into those heavy blue eyes.

"I'm fine." The ex-soldier swallowed hard. "Leon…please."

"I walk in to see a swirling black hole and you half-way sucked inside and I'm supposed to believe you when you say that you're ok." The brunette's voice was deadpan as he stroked Cloud's damp locks.

The mako eyed warrior's heart ached with darkness. He wasn't sure if Axel who had caused the sudden surge of lightlessness inside him or if something else was going on with Sephiroth.

"Now who the hell was that!?" the angry teen pressed again, voice rising.

"…you wouldn't understand," Cloud said carefully. He was done playing any games. He could tell Leon what he thought, what he felt. But he either wouldn't believe him or try convincing him otherwise.

He'd lose either way so why bother trying.

Leon didn't look happy with this answer in the least, and his face bore it. The brunette had always wanted Cloud to let him in, to let him guide him through the life that had been thrust into both their arms.

And he'd have his own share of hardships. So when Cloud told him he wouldn't understand, he felt truly offended.

He only wanted to help the blonde. The ex-soldier was too deep in his memories, stuck to the hope that just because he'd found some of his friends, the rest were ok even after years had passed.

But Cloud's lips looked sealed.

"Listen," But he had other matters to worry about as well. "Sora's back, and we've got problems. I know you have things to settle, and demons to fight…but try to focus."

His hands clasped Cloud's shoulders and steadily shook them to make sure he had the blonde's attention.

"What did Sora tell you? The heartless haven't appeared on other worlds have they?" Cloud's head ached at the prospect of setting out on a crusade to save the worlds once more.

"I think you know," Leon squeezed the blondes shoulder and continued. "The heartless have come back…but there is a bigger problem now."

Cloud sighed. New problems always flooded in when you least needed them too. But a new threat…he could only imagine.

"Ever hear of things called Nobodies?"


	4. Revelations

(Sorry for the long wait folks but here is the new chapter. Hope you all like! Reviews please! )

Cloud shook his head to make sure he had heard Leon correctly. This couldn't be happening...what did Leon know about the Nobodies.

"No," The ex-mercenary choked back the lie.

"They're beings without hearts, and they are extremely dangerous." Leon's eyes were sharp, never leaving his for a second. Perhaps the brunette knew he was lying.

"What are you getting at?"

So Nobodies were dangerous? Well that was only what Leon thought. Axel didn't seem dangerous, just playing the role he'd found himself in. It wouldn't be the first time he'd seen it happen to someone.

Cloud narrowed one eye as he shot a rather quizzical look in Leon's direction.

"How dangerous are we talking?" he wondered aloud.

"Can't really say just yet," the brunette admitted. "But they don't have hearts, and are about as persistent as Heartless."

«So you really dont know then.»Cloud 'hmmmed' somehow, that felt shallow.

Leon himself could seem heartless at times, but in no way did that make him dangerous, or anything else for that matter. In fact, Leon had quite a large heart, but it was just so much harder to grasp.

A fine chocolate brow arched.

"Are you...trying to defend them?" It was confusing to say the least.

"I...no. What else do you know about the Nobodies?" he shook his head to clear the jumble of thoughts.

Hesitant at first, Leon placed his hands on his hips and took a brief moment to think.

"That thing, it was from the darkness, wasn't it?"

More prodding? When would Leon just give it up? The blond was just waiting for that day. When he would no longer dread talking to Leon, when that anxious nausea wouldn't creep into his stomach.

"You need to stop questioning me."

"And you need to stop giving me reasons to. We're going to need you for this fight. Are you going to be focused enough to help us?"

_('Go on Cloud. Why don't you tell him about the darkness. How it lives in your heart and always will.')_

The ex-soldier clenched his teeth as the cold prickled back up his spine. This wasn't the time for Sephiroth to be invading his mind, flooding his brain with thoughts he didn't want to worry about.

"Y-yeah," he swallowed heavily. "I'll fight."

"And that guy?" Leon reapproched. Cloud wasn't sure he liked this straightforwardness. "Cloud, who was he?"

But to tell the truth, a part of him didn't want to believe that Axel really was from the darkness. He'd felt light within the dark.

"Cloud, I saw it. I saw him." the brunette reminded him.

_(' you should of followed him into the darkness, Cloud. It would have been nice to see you again. Besides, there is something else.') _

Cloud's pupils twitched, gazing into Leon's stormy blues.

"What's going on?" Leon motioned toward where the black hole had come and gone.

Cloud felt a jolt to his body when the voice in his head surged again. The dark hole slit through the light in the room and the blonde's pupils split again. Another clocked figure stepped through, this one's hood up to conceal its face.

"You again!" Leon growled, turning away from Cloud and towards the figure. He stormed over to the cloak, or at least started to anyway, but Cloud grabbed his arm and held him back. The blond wasn't sure if he was trying to protect him, or restrict any chance of conflict, but something inside him made him keep Leon away.

But that couldn't stop the angry teen from shouting.

"Get over here!" he yelled. The endless black within the hood stared at him, never speaking, only letting out a short chuckle. "Come on, I've seen your face, you coward!"

Cloud tightened his hold on the brunette.

"Leon, don't." He warned

"No, it's ok," the cloak voiced. "Let him go."

The blonde's eyes narrowed. That voice wasn't one he recognized; however, the hood was the same. It looked around the room swiftly, already bored with Cloud and Leon.

"Just missed him. Sure is a crafty one, isn't he?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Leon spouted.

The cloaked man waved a hand and Leon froze in place, time seemingly stopping only leaving Cloud unscathed by the changes in the surroundings, it was some sort of dark magic no doubt.

He uncoiled his fingers from around Leon's arm staring down the man standing in the swirling abyss.

"Axel. Where is he?" The voice oozed authority although it was as soft as could be.

The blond remained silent, a hundred things running through his mind at once. Had something happend to Axel? Why was there someone looking for him? And most importantly, who was this man?

"Who are you?" Cloud felt dumb for asking, but it was the only way to find out.

"I should be asking you the same thing. You're the one he's been coming to see. Am I correct?" The man's voice was cool and calm, just like the one that echoed in his head.

Pale fingers lifted up the hood in that moment and long strands of silver hair stood out stark against the black coat. For a moment Cloud's heart jumped into his throat, that silver hair making the traces of something in his blood scream and hiss. The man might not have been Sephiroth, but he couldn't help but feel the same elements of darkness cling to him as well. There was a smooth x-shaped scar etched in between his amber eyes, which were filled with a mixture of malice and humor.

"What are you talking about?" Cloud repeated more loudly, watching Leon's frame out of the corner of his eye. The statue like appearance concerned him but something inside him told him the brunette was in no danger, save for the man standing in front of them.

"Don't bother defending him. We already know what he's done, what he's been doing." The figure paused and looked around. "I know he was here."

The blond stiffened. Axel, whoever he was, Reno or not, could be in trouble. Cloud swallowed hard and straightened his posture. "Why are you looking for him?" he left out other questions that were swirling in his head, like what would he do to Axel if he should manage to ensnare the red head.

"I already told you. He's a traitor who happens to be on the run. I've been sent to retrieve him. He's already told you too much, betraying the organization." Saix brushed his gloved fingers through his unruly silver hair.

"He was just trying to help..." Cloud bit his lip, growing frustrated with the silver haired man's calm but cruel mentality.

"What loyalty does he have to you? Axel is one of us, your kind could never possibly understand what not having a heart is like." Saix smirked deeply and continued. "But I'm not about to sympathize with a tratior."

The blond ex-mercenary felt a sudden rush of hot rage wash through him as he clenched his fists and ground his teeth. "I won't let you hurt him." His blue eyes twitched, feeling the pulse of the small amount of mako still in his body. He might not have been sure if Axel was Reno, but nevertheless, the hero in him still hadn't died, no matter how many times it had almost made his soul shatter.

"You won't? I never recall asking for or needing your permission," Saix looked deeper into the blonde's sapphire eyes. " It looks like you're not completely burdenless either. There is a darkness that grows within you, the same darkness that we are all born of."

The x shaped scar between the nobodies eyes twitched as he arched an eyebrow and laughed deeply.

"You are not like the others, bordering on losing your heart yourself. It wont be long before you understand as well."

"What?" Cloud moved to grab the cloaked man, but Saix melted back into the the darkness horrible words echoing in his head.

"It will consume your heart and then your fate will be sealed."

He collapsed to his knees as the portal closed.

"No," Cloud mumbled, feeling a little hopeless and silly at the same time."I won't."

"That's usually what everyone says before they succumb to the darkness." At first he got no reaction from the blond so he continued. "I'm sure you can feel it with every beat of your pathetic lightless heart, just like he did before it took him."

That struck a chord; this man was hinting at something. 'Why' didn't matter.

"Who...?" It was so carefully asked.

"Very stubborn. Some things never change," he said casually.

"Tell me who!" the blonde's voice raised, hands balling into quaking fists. He was sick of being toyed with. There was something just under his nose that had been building up as of late, and in no way was he going to let it slip away.

Saix chuckled.

"Shut up!" The mocking tone in that laugh, it was almost too much to bare, and he had to resist the strong urge to cover his ears just so the memories wouldn't flood in.

"It's so amusing how you toil after something you want so badly, yet you're still grasping at strings One with darkness in his heart should be more perceptive of these things."

The ex-soldier could no longer see Saix from the other side of the portal and it made it all the more tempting to just go right in after him, but the pure burning darkness was unpredictable and Cloud wasn't about to get swallowed up by it just yet.

"Reno?!" Cloud clawed at the tendrils peaking out. "You know where he is, don't you!"

"So simple minded. I know a lot about you and your burdens." There was a slight pause and the hollowness of the darkness seemed to magnify that cold voice. "I've even met the one that calls himself your other half. He longs to see you; aches to have your darkness meld with his. He's the one you should be searching for."

"You know nothing! Not about me or my burdens!"

"But I know how much the darkness aids them. It's tempting isnt it?" the blond chewed viciously at his lower lip. Sephiroth, he pretty much knew he was around somewhere, but Saix was better then a clue to Reno's whereabouts.

Saix knew...

"Tell me what you know!" he shouted. No more games. "Please!"

"Don't worry. The organization will take care of him."

No, Cloud stressed. Reno...he was so close to Reno and the one man that confirmed his belief was threatening to rip it away. But even if he saw Axel, he couldn't explain all of this. After all, Axel had no idea who he was.

"The darkness will take care of you and I'll make sure Axel won't be bothering you again."

"W-wait!" Cloud sputtered, his knees aching, but he managed to stand up. In a rush, he leapt desperately at the closing rip in space. But it was to no avail; the entryway shrank to nothingness and he landed cruelly on the floor, fingers grasping at nothing. Time jumped and resumed, Leon suddenly blinked into awareness. An understandably confused expression crossed the brunettes face. One moment he was being held back by Cloud, and the next he found the blond on the floor with an eerie cool feel to the room that wasn't there previously.

Leon rose a hand to his head and tried to soothe away the ache.

"Cloud, what the hell is going on?" he uttered, dizzy and very, very confused.

"He was right there and I didn't even catch it," the blond spoke, voice hollow and full of emotion at the same time. "I was so close."

"What?" Leon went to move forward, but Cloud held out a halting hand.

"Squall...please." The ex-mercenarie's voice was shaking, fingers digging into the carpet.

"Cloud, just let me..." The brunette was interrupted by rapid footsteps padding down the hallway and a high-pitched voice calling Leon's name. Yuffie didn't waste any time, bursting into the room and grabbing him by the arm, completely oblivious to the scene she had walked in on.

"Leon! There are nobodies swarming around the Bailey. Sora's going to need your help."

The scared warrior bit his lip, guilt stinging his heart. Cloud was in no shape to do much of anything, let alone fight, but Sora needed his help, so he had no choice but to leave Cloud. He nodded tersly and pushed passed the young ninja.

"Cloud, we could use-"

"Yuffie, let's go." Leon interrupted her roughly.

"But-"

"Now!"

Without another word they were both gone, leaving Cloud in almost suffocating silence. Tears wanted to well up in his eyes and he wanted to scream his throat raw until all of Hollow Bastion heard him.

"When did I get so pathetic?" The blond couldn't help but ask himself. Briefly he scanned the room, but he was the only one there now. There was no one left to give him answers. He was the only one that could get the information he needed and he told himself a long time ago he wouldn't burden others with the overly heavy weight on his shoulders. It was all up to him. So he'd follow his heart, even if that meant finding the darkness, and whoever lie in wait there.

Though he was pretty sure he knew who that might be.

Damn Saix, just damn him. Being an Organization member was all he knew, but was it really such a horrible thing to be just a little independent?

"A real kink in the neck," he muttered to himself, checking once over his shoulder.

There had been so much going on before all of this. Roxas had left, curious to find the real reason why he could wield the keyblade, even after Axel had begged him not to go. He knew the blond had a right to know and maybe some part of him was just a little jealous, because deep down he knew he'd never see his friend again, knew Roxas was destined to be reunited with his heart. If it was only that easy for the rest of them. Hell, he hadn't even gotten to properly say goodbye to the kid before any trace of him or the organization had been erased from his mind, and Axel decided there was nothing more annoying then trying to remind someone of the memories they had seemingly lost. He couldn't even understand what Roxas could be thinking, or how it was possible for someone to just suddenly forget who they were.

Simply unfathomable.

He snarled suddenly. Saix wasn't helping his mood either. Old man just wouldn't leave him alone! Not that Axel was afraid, but he knew just as well as the other members not to cross paths with an angry Saix. The man may not have been the one in charge, but everyone in the Organization certainly treated Saix with the same kind or respect was which was why he was always on the red-heads case.

As long as Xenohort was still working to capture Kingdom Hearts he really didn't have anything to worry about. Except for, of course, the odd character he'd met named Cloud Strife. The blond was an enigma and despite his uncanny resemblance to Roxas, Axel had no idea why the man graced his thoughts so often. There was something there, within the strange brooding warrior, a hurt that ran deeper then most he'd seen a combination of loss and some tainted darkness that he'd never felt before.

The man gave him the oddest feeling, something that resembled déjà vu, but at the same time ran deeper. The blonde was searching for someone and ended up pointing his finger right in his direction, which was something he didn't even want to think about. To think that he might have had any past relation to Strife…tch, that just wasn't possible.

There was hardly any time to contemplate it as a swirling, gaping hole formed before him and a hand shot out to grasp at his wrist.

Running away had been crossed out at the moment. Should he step into his own portal, Saix would be able to follow in a second.

"You sure are hard to track down." he scowled. "It's dangerous to be to free spirited."

Axel snarled.

"If I remember correctly," he oozed sarcasm, "you were the one responsible for my joining the Organization."

True, he couldn't quiet recall how it'd all happened, just that Saix was the one who had 'recruited' him. He wasn't sure whether to be thankful or angry.

"And all I ask in return is when I tell you to do something, you are to accomplish the task in a timely manner and get back to me."

Axel could only laugh. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to bring Roxas back. Afterall, the Organization was where Roxas belonged. It was safe there.

"Look, I tried to bring Roxas back but..." he bit his bottom lip. "They got to him first."

"That shouldn't have mattered," the older member glared, yanking Axel closer. "Your mission was to bring him back, even if it meant by force."

The redhead ground his teeth together. He'd had no intention of hurting Roxas, and to tell the truth, he hadn't been that concerned about returning the blond to the Organization. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In fact, all he'd wanted was for Roxas to remember him and the friendship they had formed. And with enough information he was sure he could get the blond back from wherever he was now without Organization XIII's help.

Saix's grip on his wrist never wavered; in fact, it seemed to tighten. Stupid bastard.

"Besides not brining number XIII back, you've been telling others about us. I believe you know what that means Axel." The redhead could've sworn he saw a smile tug at Saix's lips. He realized that this guy was even more twisted then he originally thought.

"I could get turned into a Dusk for this, I've heard it about a thousand times." He couldn't help but roll his eyes. He'd been threatened with the punishment so many times that he could almost say that he was no longer afraid...almost.

"I will go straight to Xenohort with your traitorous ways unless you give up this whole rebellious act."

"It's not an act." Axel crossed his arms and threw his own glare back at Saix. "I really do hate your guts."

Saix's smirk turned malicious as Axel's gloved hands clenched.

"Stop trying to pretend you have emotions. You know as well as I do you're not capable of an emotion such as hate. I've let you have your fun, but now it's time to come back to us."

"I still have a job to do. I'm not gonna stop until I find Roxas!"

"You're an ignorant fool!" Saix crushed Axel's body closer to his, forcing the redhead to look up at him obediently. "You have no chance of ever bringing back number XIII. He's lost to us. You may be part of this Organization, but you have no idea what's going on." The green eyed nobody tried to turn his face away from the cruel man, but Saix only jerked it back harder.

"You know how to fix the predicament you've gotten yourself into, so I suggest you start being the good little boy I know you are."

Axel swallowed hard, still trying to wriggle his way out of Saix's grip. The silverhaired man's face was now inches away from his and the redhead found that he was just waiting for something in the elder organization member to snap.

"Get the fuck off me!" Axel whispered harshly, teeth clenched together so tight they felt like they could shatter at any moment.

"You owe me Axel, and one of these days you're going to pay up."

"I don't owe you anything," Axel argued crankily, trying again to jerk his body free. "I never asked for any of this."

"There is so much you don't understand," Saix reiterated, causing Axel's scowl to deepen. Saix managed to yank Axel even closer to him, nose practically buried into the redhead's spiky locks. Axel tensed and bared his teeth.

"If that's all you wanted, then let me get back to my job," he murmured, rotating his arms and eventually managing to pull loose from Saix's grip.

"Try not to let me down."

Axel merely snorted at the older man as he stomped off, feeling Saix's eyes boring into his back. He was more then relived to get away from him; the man gave him the worst chills.

For obvious reasons.

And there was something else about him, next to the authority and the way he taunted him but he just couldnt put his finger on it.

Because Saix knew something he didn't. True, he didn't know whether it was relevant or not, but it was the principal of the whole thing. For all he knew, the elder nobody was only using words to keep him under his thumb, but Axel didn't really want to believe that. It didn't matter if he supposedly had no emotions, he could feel there was something there. Saix was hiding something from him and as much as Axel didn't want anything to do with it...he did. There was something connecting everything together, something he couldn't quite place his gloved finger on. The only thing he knew for sure though was that Strife was involved. Sure he hadn't really meant to spout off all that information to the blond, but there was something about those striking blue eyes that had demanded something from him and it had felt only right that he comply.

And Axel had never been one to give people what they wanted. Saix was a perfect example of that, but Cloud...Cloud was different. A lost soul among all the others, something tainted but at the same time pure. Something drew him to the man, but after that last incident he wasn't sure he wanted to go back anytime soon. Strife clung on so tight to the hope that his lost friend was still alive that he had started to make accusations toward him, ones he wasn't too fond of. He'd told him the unfortunate news that this Reno was probably wondering around somewhere with a new appearance and no recollection of who he had been, but that he nothing to do with him. There was no way he could fix it and there was no definite way to even know that that was the case. He hadn't even seen a picture, so how was he supposed to know if he looked exactly like him or not?

Of course, the blond saying so himself said plenty right there. And when you care for someone deeply enough, you know that person by the feeling in your heart. Which was probably why he denied the blonde's accusations. Besides, look-a-likes weren't totally uncommon. It could've been one big coincidence or misunderstanding...maybe even desperation on Strife's part, though none of that did anything to explain the quick flashes of moving pictures and blurs of sounds and voices that flashed through his head when they'd first met. Strife was in those mental images, he could see the blonde through a pair of eyes that he could only assume belonged to him.

Axel shook his head. Since when did he let some average Joe bother him so much?

...Because he wasn't average. And Axel knew that.

A warm sensation tingled in his head and white flashed behind his eyes. Axel held his head fiercely.

_Soft comforters cushioned him; he was on his back, naked from the waist up. What was strange was that that Strife character was hovering just above him. He looked rather innocent and harmless when he gently smiled like that, and Axel wondered if he was being privileged with a rare sight..._

"_I love you," he whispered sincerely, hand going out to run through his hair, which felt longer then usual. Whether Axel intended to respond or not didn't matter, he once again had no choice or control of his actions. It was like he was another being entirely. _

_A strangled scream broke between them, and both of them turned toward the window. Strife ran to look out the glass and Axel sat up on the bed only because the body he was in did so. _

_The scream came again, then another, and soon the whole street below was in chaos, or so it sounded. Axel wanted to ask what was going on but his mouth never opened. Not even as a black tendril snuck around his arm. Inky blackness crept around the rest of him, even around his face so he couldn't breath or see. Axel recognized the cold shapeless limbs as heartless, but his body reacted like it didn't know, like it was scared. _

_Strife's footfalls came towards him-_

"_Reno!!!" _

And Axel was left heaving for air. What was this!? When this happened, it was like reliving a memory that didn't belong to him, explaining why he had no control.

But why did it happen? And why was he always with that blond?

The answer seemed obvious, yet Axel refused to go there. There was currently only one thing he could figure out. He, Stirfe, Saix, these strange memories, the empty feeling he was having in his heart he didn't have...

There connection was undeniable.


	5. A Penny for your Troubles

(Sorry for the lateness of this chapter x-x School, work and not to mention my brain malfunctioning halfway through this one caused it to be later then I had hoped. Im not so sure of the quality either but you guys will just have to decide for yourselves. Sorry again for making you wait. Enjoy and review please! **Disclaimer: Any misspelled words are this horrible open office programs fault.)**

******Chapter 5**

"You know, you can only push him so far. If you try to hard he'll shut down on you completely."

Leon was pulled out of his solemn thoughts by a soft voice. He turned his steel blue gaze to the pink clad flower girl and she offered him a gentle smile, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Cloud has his own path," even her voice sounded solemn when she mentioned the blond, as if she understood his own shortcomings. "But he always comes back to the people he cares about." The brunette wrung her hands together impatiently. " Leon, he's not," the warriors eyes turned steely in an instant and she clamped her mouth shut as she felt the mood shift, and Leon's eyes change

"He's slipping away from us." Leon whispered a hint of some lurking fear lacing his voice. I have a bad feeling that the next time he disappears, he won't be coming back." The ex-Seed stared straight into the Ancient's somewhat familiar swirling depths.

"You can't push him, the more you try the more he'll resent you." Aeirth crossed her arms as if she was trying to make a point that the stubborn man standing before her just wasn't getting.

The problem was Leon knew this all already but he still couldn't understand why the blond had the compulsion to do everything by himself? It wasn't like he was all alone here, there were people willing and ready to help him. All he had to do was reach out. Leon was taken aback for a second by his own train of thought. It wasn't like him to be thinking these things, because it wasn't so long ago that he was the same way.

"I loved him too you know." Leon barley heard the former ancients whisper, the word seemingly reverberating in his ears.

" But sometimes love just isn't enough," the brunette flower girl spoke with an eerie sadness. "I wasn't around long enough to tell him how I felt, but I could tell he knew." Her green eyes twitched but she clenched her fists as if to fight away the tears that were threatening to fall. "Cloud has never loved anyone was much as he loved Reno, so if he needs to find closure, let him."

Those truthful words stung Leon's heart more then he had anticipated.

"Have faith that he can get though this," she bit her lip. "Lend him your light so he can find his way out of the darkness."

He could only stare back at the green eyed girl. She had always seemed so naïve to him, but in the cryptic way she spoke she obliviously knew more then she was letting on.

Without another word she turned to leave but Leon's hand raised to stop her. She stopped briefly and glanced back.

"Thank you," was Leon's simple response.

And all he got in return was a slight giggle and a blink of those amazingly green eyes.

"You two really are alike." and she was gone.

Leon flicked a thin strand of hair out of his face. Aerith may have been right about Cloud finding closure, but when it came to the growing darkness inside the blond not even she had an answer. Everyone said that he'd always find his way back to the light but that was something that the stormy-eyed youth had a hard time believing. Not everyone was strong enough to survive the influx of darkness when the Heartless attacked, so naturally, there were only so many times someone could encounter that same darkness and come back unscathed, and Leon felt that the blond warrior's time was running out.

The ex-Seed sounded a small huff and snatched his gunblade from its resting position. Darkness or no, Leon had more then just Cloud to worry about. . He needed to make a decision, one for the both of them if he had to.

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Sweat dripped down his forehead and his hands and arms quivered from soreness. Cloud knew he had lost track of time. But keeping his body and mind occupied was the only thing that was keeping him from ripping his hair out from its roots.

He shook the ache from his arms and re-steadied his blade. He took a step forward, moving the sword in its practiced meticulous fashion, each movement so familiar to the ex-soldier.

He always thought training would help get his frustrations out... at least that's what Zack had told him once, not like the black haired man had ever really had any frustrations in his life, except for maybe Cloud himself.

His muscles rippled as he swung his massive sword, cutting and slicing the air with a haunting ease. The rush of adrenaline was just what he needed to temporarily make the aching in his heart wash to the back of his mind.

"Dammit!" Cloud slammed his sword into the rocky earth beneath him.

Even thinking about what he did to get away from everything was sending him right back to the same old frame of mind.

No matter how hard he tried, and what he did, or at least thought he could do to forget everything that was on his mind it all came rushing back as soon as a fragment of his past came ringing through his mind. Not to mention how both speckled and glowing green eyes haunted him constantly.

Reno, Axel, Axel, Reno as far as he was concerned they were the same person. All the evidence was there to support his claim he just wasn't quiet sure how to go about convincing Axel of that.

The ex-mercenary growled in the back of his throat, running a suddenly nervous hand through his spikes, flinging beads of sweat from his head. He hiked his sword out of the ground and with a throaty yell he took his stance and swung the Buster Sword behind him, fully intending to make contact with whatever happened to lie there at the moment. Steel clanged as the force of the sword hitting metal reverberated though the blonde's already aching arms. His blue eyes widened when he realized what he had actually hit.

Leon stood there, stormy eyes staring straight into his own, gunblade shaking with the force of both of there weapons.

"Leon," it was almost a whisper. "What are you doing here?" Cloud slid the Buster Sword down to his side with an earsplitting shriek of metal on metal.

"I could be asking you the same thing." Leon's gunblade returned to its usual place on his shoulder before he spoke again. "It's not safe here with the increased number of heartless and the nobodies. You could've been ambushed." If Cloud didn't know any better, he could've sworn there was a smirk in the brunette's voice.

In all reality, Leon really had no idea how dangerous it was in this part of the bastion. Heartless, he could deal with, but the unbelievable surge of darkness in this area only meant one thing to him. Which was probably the only reason he was wandering around here. That, and the fact that he was being drawn here...drawn out in the open by Sephiroth, who was probably lying just out of reach.

"I'll be fine." the blonde hefted his sword onto his shoulder and turned to walk deeper into the crystal fissure.

"I can't let you do that." Leon's voice was flat, and if Cloud hadn't been growing sick of the ex-Seed telling him what to do and how to feel, he would've just kept walking.

"I'm not arguing with you about this again."

"And I'm not going to let you wander off to attract the Heartless and Hyne knows what else just so you can keep your hope alive."

Cloud snorted at Leon's last remark.

"I have had it with you telling me what to do." The blond could feel a spark of something odd when he raised his voice, his hands shaking with an anger he hadn't felt in a long time.

"_Why don't you show him exactly how you feel Cloud. Let all that anger consume you." _

The woozy feeling returned in a rush and with those words echoing in his head and his sword firmly planted in the ground, the ex-soldier was on his knees, limbs tingling.

"Cloud!?" Leon was already halfway to the older boy before Cloud's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't come any closer!" The blonds voice was fierce, falling harshly on his ears, and Leon had to resist the strange urge to reach out to the blond.

Cloud's mind was racing, his body shaking like a leaf. This horrible angry feeling was eating him alive, overflowing with the darkness that was already in his heart. His resistance felt like a rubber band that was being pulled so taught that it could snap any second.

"_You may be week minded but, his body is as strong as I figured. It would've been nice to see you struggle some more." _

And snap it did.

Without any other warning then a slight hazy dissonance in the air, Cloud's sword flashed just above Leon's head and he barely giving the ex-Seed enough time to catch the blade. There was a hearty slam against the gun blade and a searing pain shot though his arms.

"Cloud, what are you," his words were cut off when the ex-mercenary moved sharply to his right and swung the buster sword up once again. Leon managed to roll out of harms way but not before he got a glimpse of the blonde's eyes. They were glowing brightly, brighter then he'd ever seen Cloud's sapphire eyes, brighter then when he'd first seen him at the coliseum.

The blond's movements were sharp and quick, hardly giving Leon any chance to breath. Something had happened to the blond; the delicate ties had broken that kept darkness within the ex-mercenary.

"Snap out of it!" Leon called out to Cloud once again his breath ragged and his hands shaking with an emotion he couldn't place.

He brought his gunblade up to eye level, breathing in sharply, muscles quivering as the blades werebrought together again. After what seemed like an eternity of struggling his eyes finally caught the only opening he could find in Cloud's movements. So, pushing down on the blond's sword with enough force to spin the older boy around to come in for another slice at Leon's torso. All of that gave him just enough time to pull back his arm and land his fist square in the jaw of the ex-soldier.

Cloud stumbled back, eyes blinking rapidly the Buster Sword falling limp from his fingers. Falling back on his hands he could only stare up at Leon who still had his blade leveled straight at him. His limbs were numb and his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that it felt like it might jump out at anytime. It had finally happened, the darkness had finally seeped in.

"Cloud," Leon's harsh voice startled him. "Can you hear me?"

The blond wasn't sure what to say. He could tell Leon that he was alright, stand up and act like nothing had happened, but this wasn't something that was just going to go away it would be back soon and probably stronger.

"Cloud!?" There was a frustrated anger that time and the jarring sound of the gunblade getting ready to fire made him wince.

"Squall..." He choked it out. Afraid that someone else's voice might spring from his burning throat.

His sapphire blue orbs relaxed slightly when he saw some of the tenseness exit Leon's body, but that didn't mean he had completely relaxed. The blond could see the nervous stance that the young warrior was still fixed in.

"It's gone." Cloud's voice gurgled in anxiousness, adrenaline finally diluting in his veins.

"Wait, so you know what just happened?"

He had no choice, he'd have to tell Leon all that had been going on.

"Sephiroth." Cloud could've sworn that just speaking the mans name made his heart pound just a little bit harder in his chest.

"What?" The tone of disbelief in the ex-Seed's voice was surprising.

Heartless, Nobodies, the cloaked men from the Organization they had all mysteriously popped up and yet Leon sounded surprised that the ex-general was lurking about as well.

"He's here, somewhere beyond the Crystal Fissure. I can _feel_ him. His conciseness seeps into me and, " Cloud let his fists clench. "_That_ happens." Pictures were flying though his head. What if he'd been with someone else when he had snapped, someone who wasn't able to protect themselves the way Leon's well honed reflexes protected him

"How long have you known this?! How long have you felt him here." The brunette couldn't help but feel the anger rise within him. Exactly how many other things could Cloud be hiding from him?

"It's been about two weeks since the first time." Cloud replied reluctantly.

" Why didn't you tell me? What if he made a move...what if."

"What if what Squall?" The blond couldn't hide the sneer in his voice any longer. And he wasn't exactly sure what Leon was trying to say. He hated to sound full of himself but he was the only one who could deal with Sephiroth...it was his burden to carry and he'd be damed if he let the man put anyone else in harms way.

"What if something had happened? What if he had come into the Burrough or the Marketplace." Cloud couldn't help but here the contempt in the brunette's voice, but through that he also felt a heavy weight to Leon's words. No matter how icy or cold the man could be at times, he cared about every single person that lived in the Bastion and their protection laid heavily on his shoulders. A hard weight to carry for just one person. So it was a good thing that the destruction of this place wasn't what Sephiroth wanted.

"Thats not what he wants...he wants me. That's always what hes wanted."

"What do you mean he wants you...what happened between you two?" Leon had never dared pry into Cloud's emotional past with the mysterious man, but now, Cloud had crossed the line.

"It's complicated," Cloud trailed off in a solom voice. " But there's no time to explain. Just trust me about this Leon." The young warrior finally found the strength in his shaky legs to stand, the rush from whatever had taken a hold of his body easing up a bit.

"Trust you?" How am I supposed to trust you when you kept all of this to yourself. When you p ut everyone else in harms way just to keep your secrets."

"I," Cloud was left virtually speechless at the heat of Leon's words and the feeling of distrust that washed over him.

"Whatever, do what you want, im out of it." Before Cloud knew what had happened Leon was walking in the opposite direction gunblade slung cooly over his shoulder as if nothing had happened. The blond wanted to stop him, wanted to say how he was sorry and wished things could be different but besides being just as stubborn as Leon, something inside him was relived that the brunette man was no longer staring at him with those turbulent stormy eyes.

He watched Leon walk away with a half aching heart. He'd voluntarily taken himself out of the situation, so Leon could no longer blame him for pushing him away, but besides the ache in his heart the disappointed feeling he was getting from Leon even as he was walking away was overwhelming. There was nothing he could say now, nothing that could make Leon turn around and apologize.

Hell, maybe Leon shouldn't even be the one apologizing in the first place.

"Squall," the name leaked out of his mouth ever so slightly but it was to quiet for the brooding brunette to even here as he stalked away.

"_Oh Cloud, driving people away even now. Looks like you really haven't changed a bit." _

His skull ached as the pulse came again. Stronger this time, stronger then he'd ever felt it before.

"Get out of my damn head!" Cloud cursed under his breath trying not to elicit any noise."Come out here, where I can see you. Stop being a coward!" He grabbed his sword letting himself settle into a stance. "I'm not afraid of you."

"_Me, a coward? Don't be so foolish Cloud."_

"I'm no fool, I know exactly what your up to." The blond bluffed hoping that Sephiroth wouldn't see through the thin visage.

"Do you really Strife?" Cloud's eyes widened as he realized the voice was no longer in his head but directly behind him. A jarring cool sensation creeped across his neck inching ever so slightly down his spine and then he felt a smooth gloved hand on the back of his neck, not gripping tightly but just enough to get his attention.

"You're such a rebellious little puppet. Always thinking you can stray away from the ties that bind you to me." The mans breath was on his ear now, making his body shudder violently and a familiar nausea bubble in his stomach.

Gaia how he wished that Squall was back here.

"Do you really think that pathetic boy can save you from the inevitable Cloud."

"Why dont you go crawl back in to the hole you came from." Cloud mustered up the bitterest voice he could.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without what I came for." The ex general spoke with a seductive tone that made Cloud's skin feel as it it would crawl off his body at any moment.

"Get away from me!" The blond seethed through his teeth and shifted his eyes to the side, there he could see the silver shimmer of the Masamune strapped faithfully at Sephiroths side. He resisted the urge to pull away from the mans unwavering grip, not wanting to put himself in an even more delicate situation.

"Im growing so tired of your resistance..."

"Cloud?" The blond's eyebrows furrowed when he heard his name called, rushed and panicked. "Cloud where are you?!"

He heard a sharp snort from behind him and the pressure on his neck was gone almost immediately only a cold tingling remained as a reminder that it had ever been there at all.

"Cloud!"


	6. Weeding the Garden

**I apologize to everyone for this chapter being so late. Summer is upon me now and with the proper help and Beta ill be sure to get these things out faster. This chapter is a long one and probably wouldnt ever have been finished without help from my wonderful and amazing friend Becca who wrote me some amazing angst to throw in here. This chapter is a doozy so I all hope you enjoy it. Reviews are very much appriecated! Enjoy! **

* * *

His vision was foggy when he finally cracked his heavy eyelids open, mind contemplating whether or not he really wanted to. All he could see was the barren earth around him and all he could feel was the slight tingling in his arms and the flush warmth in his cheeks.

"Cloud?!" The same voice that he had heard before he blacked out rang in his ears.

He couldn't find his voice to respond. All he could do was open his hazy eyes further to try and see who was calling out to him.

"Please say something." The voice was frantic this time and it definitely rung something familiar in his brain. That was until a gentle touch on his face brought him back to reality.

"Aeirth?" He whispered under his breath.

"Oh thank Gaia." Her hand lingered on his face for a second longer before the touch completely faded away. The blonde swallowed thickly, finally able to make out the frame of the brunette flower girl hovering slightly above him.

Aerith had to resist the urge to throw her arms around the ex-mercenary's neck and smother him in the biggest hug she could.

"What happened?" Her voice was terribly urgent.

"I don't," he racked his brain for the memory about what had happened before he blacked out. "I don't know."

He was on the outskirts of the Bastion, near the Crystal Fissure. He'd made sure he wandered out far enough so that anyone with any common sense wouldn't come out looking for him. Without so much as another thought the reason why he's distanced himself from everyone hit him like a brick wall: Sephiroth had found him and he'd wanted answers.

"I saw Leon walking back from here. He seemed upset so I got worried." Her concern for him was refreshing unlike Leon's smothering concern when things started to go awry. He licked his dry lips and dug his fingers into the earth in hopes of picking himself up.

"Yeah," he breathed out airily feeling almost every muscle in his body scream in soreness. Cloud could still feel her eyes on him in hopes of receiving a better explanation but she knew she was not going to get one.

"Cloud. Who was out here with you?" There was a tremble in her voice that he picked up on. He knew she knew the answer to that question and that she was just asking in hopes of getting a better answer.

"Is everyone else ok?" He dodged the question.

"Yes, but-"

"Good. Go back to the castle and stay with them. It's not safe for you to be out here with me." Cloud could feel the cold wind that swept across the fissure tussle his spikes a little.

Aerith didn't need to question the blond for answers- she already knew but Cloud had never been this reckless before.

"No." Her answer was short but firm.

"You can't stay here." His voice was laced with a little guilt. He didn't want to push her away again but he felt like he had no choice. It was better then putting her in harms way.

That went for anyone else as well.

"Please. Just come back with me. I know you want to figure things out but please. I don't want you to get hurt."

The blond stood there confused as to what to say to the teary eyed girl. He knew he was putting himself in harms way but could he really go back to the Bastion if he knew that Sephiroth was lurking around? Could he risk putting everyone in danger?

He shook his head and sighed. He would never win this argument with her and he wouldn't be able to do anything about Sephiroth if he was too worked up about what had happened before Aerith had shown up.

"I'll go back with you," he gave her a slight smile that was gone as soon as it came. "But I need to sort all this out myself."

She looked at him again with those glowing green eyes that reminded him so much of home and nodded.

* * *

"Fuck me." They were the only words Axel found appropriate to explain how he felt when he finally came back to consciousness. His body felt heavy and his head pounded with a feeling that was something akin a hammer pounding at the front of his skull.

"What the hell was that?"

"Talking to yourself again Axel?"

The red head was too groggy to actually process the words or the voice that had spoken them- all he knew was that he didn't like the way it had sounded. When he finally managed to look around he saw nothing, pure black nothing. There was not a thing, no voice, no person, no light. He must've still been in the in between realm. It was lucky for him that Saix hadn't drug his ass back to Xemnas and the rest of the Organization.

_Yeah real lucky._

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

That irritatingly smooth voice rang out against the darkness again leaving his head pounding even more furiously.

"Come out where I can see you. I'm not gonna have a chat with my own damn shadow."

"Shadow? I'm no ones shadow." Axel was almost startled by the way commanding air that the voice suddenly took. The Nobody finally rose to his feet, the pressure in his head making him tipsy one last time before he regained his balance completely.

"Don't jerk me around. I've had it with just about all of this." He could feel his fingertips burn with the anticipation of letting a bit of steam off on this nameless and faceless voice.

He felt the familiar heat of his chakrams in his hands as he summoned them.

"I don't want to fight with you Axel. I only came here to talk." The voice tried to reason. Axel felt something shift in the darkness and a glowing red portal split the blackness in front of him. Against the off shades of black a hooded figure stood, face shrouded in darkness.

"Is this some sort of joke?" the red head scoffed. "If your here to lecture me you can forget it. Saix beat you to it."

"Don't be a fool. I'm not one of you and I still have my heart." The hood replied, making the Nobody ball his fists. He wasn't sure what to do. Here he was standing in front of a man who was posing as an Organization member who's only goal as it seemed do far was to come here and mock him. He wished that he had never gone looking for a way to find Roxas. And he really wished that he had never ended up on Hollow Bastion and had never heard of Cloud Strife or felt flashes of emotions in his stupid hollow chest.

"Then who the fuck are you?" There was really no use beating around the bush.

"There, there Axel. It wouldn't be any fun if I told you that."

If there was anything that Axel hated more then being left in the dark it was being toyed with and this bastard had the guts to be doing both at the same time.

"He said you had a temper."

Axel growled under his breath and without any further hesitation he charged forward and sent one of his Chakrams flying in the mans direction. With just the keen raise of a hand a wall sprung from the darkness and blocked the attack. The fire wheel appeared in Axels had again and he gave the hood a smug look. He was going to rip this man to shreds no matter who he was. At least, he had every intention of doing that until the enigma of a man said three little words.

"So how's Roxas?" The man was closer to him now, mellow voice flowing everywhere around him.

"What!?" The red-head hissed in the most menacing tone he could muster up.

"Roxas? You did find him when you went to Twilight Town right?"

Some hope flickered somewhere unknown in the organization member. He'd all but abandoned the idea that Roxas was still out there somewhere. After he'd fought the blonde and his name still hadn't rung any bells within the boy's head Axel had wanted to throw in the towel. Any second thoughts about the decision that he had made were now coming back to dig there claws into him. He shouldn't have left Roxas there all by himself.

"_But he wasn't there all by himself. He had other friends. Ones that were more important then you, real or not." _

If he'd just taken Roxas back to the Organization like he was supposed to then non of this would've happened. Damn Roxas for making him have second thoughts about his job.

"_Job? Where have you heard that before." _

This was not the time to be thinking about that damn mopey bastard that was back at Hollow Bastion . Roxas was more important then that guy…wasn't he?

"_Roxas is gone. You need to start looking out for yourself." _

Whatever cruel entity decided to give him a contradicting voice in his head could go to hell. For that, and for throwing him into this fucked up life.

"What do you know about Roxas?" The red-head hated to sound desperate but in reality he was grasping at straws for any scrap of information he could grab.

"Just that he's no longer on this plane of existence." The hood glanced at his gloved hands nonchalantly laughing when he turned to acknowledge Axel.

Something bubbled deep within Axel at that moment. Could that really be true? Could Roxas have melded back into Sora without him sensing anything? If that was true then why had Saix told him to finish his assignment? He needed to get out of here and find some answers of his own.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Axel's nerves twitched to spout off some sort of smart ass comment but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone something witty.

"Roxas has simply returned to where he belongs. Together with the heart he yearned to have."

So the keyblade master had finally awoken to set out on his journey, and play right into the Organizations hands. That was the only fact that was clear in Axel head. The plan was finally set into motion but why were Saix's intentions so hazy to him? He never fully trusted the man but that wasn't what he was supposed to do. Just get the job done, follow the rules to a t and don't rebel…too much.

"_A familiar role wouldn't you say?" _

If he'd of been alone he would've told the voice inside his head to shut up. Someone was keeping him in the dark on purpose. Someone in the Organization was playing him for a fool and he couldn't help where his suspicions jumped to first.

"Saix." He hadn't meant to mutter the man's name but there was just too much going on in his brain to keep it in.

"Figured it out did you?" The hooded mans voice was humored. "Saix is using the nobodies to track Sora, their setting a trap for him." The voice changed from humored to cold in an instant.

"Heh. Tell me something I don't know."

"So you're telling me you're not bitter? About what the Organization wanted you to do to Roxas. They would've killed him as soon as his usefulness ran out. He's lucky he was such a free spirit."

Roxas was really none of this mans business, and the fact that he seemed to know more about what the Organization was up to then even he did unsettled him.

"I'd shut the hell up if I were you pal."

"Really? And I'm supposed to be afraid of someone who can't even save the one thing that seemed to mean something to him." There were some times that Axel almost felt happy that he really couldn't feel the emotions being tossed at him. Although he knew exactly how those words were supposed to make him feel.

The red-head snarled and let the cool burning of his summoned chakrams envelop his whole body. Before he even knew what was doing he was sprinting full force at the cloaked man. He swung his fiery weapon at the seemingly empty black cloak only for the man to dodge the strike and snatch Axel's free hand twisting it painfully behind him. Axel's breath caught in his throat, pain ripping into his shoulder. He tried to use the mans own momentum to push him forward to get another swing in. This time it made contact and ripped through the black trench. There was a slight hiss of pain but the man only twisted Axels arm tighter and landed a kick just below his knee making his legs buckle.

It was useless to try and swing his weapon again but he felt like he had no choice. He was left venerable and the man delivered another kick to his lower back.

"Fuck!" Axel spurted. Time seemed to be moving so slowly and he was so flustered that he couldn't even execute a proper attack.

"You're not strong enough to beat me Axel." This time it felt like the mans smooth voice was hovering just above his ear.

Where had he heard that before? Someone somewhere had told him that with just as much cool malice in their voice.

"_Wouldn't you like to know?" _

The mans next kick sent him rolling along the odd black nothingness. With his mind scrambled and in so many places his chakrams finally disappeared into small wispy flames that lingered and danced around his hand.

"Roxas knew where he belonged. Unlike the rest of you."

The words made Axel's stomach clench and he was sure that if he had a heart it would be doing the same thing. There was something about the thought of never seeing Roxas again, about not ever being able to lay his eyes on the blonde again. Even if Roxas hadn't remembered any of the time they had spent together he was still at least around to touch, see, and most of all make it seem like he had a heart. He was sure there was something swimming within him trying to break the surface but like always it faded as fast as it came.

"Ho do you even know what's going on." Axel could taste the copper tang of the blood that was trickling from his busted lip.

"So surprised you haven't realized it yet."

"Realized what?" His arm was crushed further into his body when the mans foot came crashing down on his back relentlessly. "Stop talking in fucking riddles"

"Heh. A fool like you really doesn't deserve to know," the man drawled. "But I didn't come here to mock you, nor did I come to enable you with information. The Organization is rouge. Trying to achieve something that must not be achieved."

Axel didn't know what the man was implying. Xeman's reason for doing all of this made sense, after all fate was the one that had dealt them this card all they were trying to do was regain what was rightfully there's. They had all been human once; a heart was the least they deserved.

"Just spit it out already." Axel's tone was apathetic, still reeling from the coppery assault on his senses.

"The Organization is going to try and use Sora to obtain Kingdom Hearts." The mans voice remained hollow.

"Really," against his brains better judgment a smartass comment leaked out of his mouth anyway. "Because I thought we were all just going to sit around and have some tea." The remark earned him another sharp kick to the ribs. The red-head rolled over with a thud not being able to help the half bloodied smirk that played on his lips.

"I wouldn't test me if I were you."

"_It's a good thing you're not then." _

Axel's brain urged him to look for any weak spot he could use to escape his horribly vulnerable position but something about the way his ribs ached told him another kick would do some serious damage.

"You're not going to let that happen. I don't care what it takes." "The hoods voice rumbled out softly.

The red head had to suppress the urge to laugh, metallic fluid threatening to come up his throat.

"Don't exactly think that you're encouraging me to help you." Axel wasn't even trying to hold back the amused tone in his voice. "And if you haven't noticed, I'm one of them."

He could here the mans footsteps stalk closer to him, over the hollow surface. He was only a little surprised when he was hefted up by the collar of his jacket and an angry fist connected with his jaw. The red head bit back the pain only half realizing the presence of dark energy that surrounded the man.

"You may be a nobody but you're not like the other members."

"_Is this guy crazy or something. This is you were talking about right?" _

Some dark magic, not unlike what himself and the other nobodies used swirled around the mans hand and Axels brain finally snapped to realization. He'd seen the same magic before. It was the kind used to summon a keyblade.

He felt like he'd been slapped in the face. Why hadn't he recognized the mans aura before? Axel was about to address the man with his new found information when he felt a cool sharp pain bit his neck.

"_Fucking fantastic! Leave it to you to get our head cut off by a keyblade."_

He could feel his neck burn when the enchanted metal of Oblivion ran across it, hissing and reacting to his flesh, darkness escaping his skin and running down his neck like blood. The rouge organization member had to choke back a scream. The keyblades magic had been designed to destroy creatures with no hearts and he was definitely no exception even though he swore something was trying to arise in his chest when he thought of Roxas.

"Don't be so stupid as to end your own life trying to attain a unattainable goal." The keyblade wielder loosened his grip on Axel's jacket.

The red head wanted to crinkle his nose in disgust at the man but the keyblade touching his skin was too painful to focus on anything else but getting away from the heated blade. If Axel didn't know any better he'd say that there was no way out of this situation but something was telling him that he was more cunning then this, too sly to get caught in a trap like this.

"_You've been through worse." _

He had only managed to concoct a few way's of getting out of this. He could either reveal to the man that he now knew his identity and risked getting ripped apart by the ominous keyblade resting on his now seared throat or use what was left of his magic to create another portal that not even he knew where it would take him. Axel smirked to himself, maybe he could do both without getting his head chopped off. But, was he really willing to take the chance…sure he was, what did he have to lose now that Roxas was gone? 'Nothin at all' he thought sourly although that stupid pang in his chest was trying to convince him differently.

"_Have you always been this selfish?" _

Yeah, he was. He needed to be.

"Why did you come here?" Axel asked hoping his sudden change in tone wouldn't alert the hood to what he was trying to do.

"There is something you need to realize," the cloaked mans voice was abruptly concerned. "The Organization is not planning to do what you think they are. Xemnas, he will use Kingdom Hearts for his own needs."

Axel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course he knew Xemnas wasn't to be trusted. None of the Organization members were. That's why this whole thing was so laughable. He'd stopped following the Organizations orders soon after Roxas had left. The group of nobodies sure as hell didn't have a good track record with keeping each others trust. Marluxila had illustrated that point very well.

"I hate to inform you," he muttered slowly as the dark spell began to form in his hand. "But I know all about what Xemnas, Saix and the Organization plan to do." Well maybe be was bluffing just a little. He didn't entirely know what Xemnas was hoping to accomplish by capturing Kingdom Hearts but it made him feel like he was making the right choice. "And just for future reference," he could feel the mans grip on Oblivion tighten just as the black hole started to open. "I don't take orders from anyone but myself Riku." He used the last of his physical strength to give the silver haired man a mighty kick sending him flying off the organization member and sending Axel into the cold nothingness of darkness.

Axel hated this feeling. Waking up twice in the same day without knowing where he was or really comprehending what had happened; it was really starting to get under his skin.

He flexed his fingers when he was finally able to feel them again. At least there was solid ground wherever he had ended up he was slightly surprised the spell had even worked. Nevertheless when he finally peeled his eyes open he was slightly comforted when he saw the grey tint of the earth beneath him.

His mouth was dry and the metallic tang of the left over blood made him recoil, turning his aching body to spit out the nasty mix of dried blood and saliva. He took a deep breath brining his hand up to his throat to finger the wound that Oblivion had made. The red-head clenched his teeth looking at the black goo that was lingering on his fingers. He wanted to cringe at the fact that the disgusting fluid had come out of his body.

"What's going on with me?" He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, half waiting for the annoying voice that had formed in his head to give him a response but it never came. Upon further inspection he realized that the canyon walls that were surrounding him belonged to the world he least wanted to wind up on. If he'd had anymore strength or magic left he would've gotten the hell out of here but fate was cruel and his encounter with the keyblade had made him weaker then he had expected.

Axel blinked a few times biting back the pain that shot through his legs and spin. If he hadn't been in so much pain he would've smirked at the way destiny had a sense of humor when it came to him. A damn annoying sense of humor at that. He dug his fingers into the rocky soil using what strength he had left to push himself up against the canyon wall giving his back some support. He badly needed a curaga spell or a potion, something that would stop the aching and fix his legs that were still tingling numb from his fall. There was so little he could do for himself at the moment and he hated to admit it but he needed someone's help and the only someone on this world was…Axel didn't even want to finish that thought.

"You're a fool!" Axel grimaced at the shrill voice that had come out of nowhere, the spoken words echoing off the walls as if to mock him some more.

"But…But Malec-"

The red head rolled his eyes at the goofy voice that he heard stuttering apologies to who he could only assume was the witch that thought she controlled the heartless. Heartless were mindless creatures and bore no loyalty to their creator. They would simply follow the strongest entity they could find. Which was why it was so easy to send them to their deaths and free the hearts they had stolen.

"No more excuses!" Axel could practically feel the evil witch's anger. It made him smirk slightly knowing that her plans were failing miserably. "The heartless are going to flood this valley and hopefully consume the wretched population on this world. I suggest you tread lightly or I'll leave you to be consumed as well."

The green eyed nobody wondered what the creature was hoping to accomplish by trying to destroy this world. Her attempts were almost laughable. Any heartless she summoned would just fall to the keyblade master and the rest of this worlds protectors.

Xemnas had been right when he said that everyone would play right into the organizations plans. Axel would've been thrilled with how well it was going if he thought he was going to get something out of it. But as it stood now he was on the Organizations bad side especially Saix's who had probably already informed Xemnas of his "failures" whatever those were. Silently he wondered if he could do anything to get back into Saix's good graces and if the man knew about all he'd been doing in this world. Axel crinkled his nose. Sure he knew, Saix knew about everything he seemed to do. Like the man was always looking over his shoulder, watching him like he was some sort of pet that needed to obediently come back to its master.

He snickered, he was no ones pet. Not a dog of the Organization even if he had killed in their name. He had his own reasons for doing it. There was an obnoxious part of his brain that was trying to hint to him that he'd been in this state of mind once before, some vague de ja vu that had been rattling around inside his brain ever since he had joined the Organization.

Axel remembered when Marluxila used to tell him stories he'd heard about nobodies who'd had really strong hearts when they were human. How they would retain their memories of who they used to be. He used to think that the idea was stupid and if the pink haired nobody he kept thinking like that he would end up going crazy. He hadn't known how right he'd been until he was actually standing over Marluxia's body wondering what could've possessed the nobody to go against everything the Organization was working toward. Axel had done what he was supposed to, set all the pieces up so they'd fall according to plan. When he followed orders and done the job given to him he did quiet well. Eliminating all foreseeable threats to Xemna's plan just like Saix had instructed him to do. That was the first time he'd truly proven himself. The first time he saw some sort of smirk appear on Saix's lips. The first time his hollow heart had tried to tell him that something was wrong.

Roxas had been his only real link to emotions and it was the blonde that had gotten him to start thinking about the life before all of this. Most of him wanted to reject the idea that he could've been someone else because it was too weird to think about how false the identity he had now really was. He'd laughed at Roxas the first time he told him that he was remembering things that never happened to him. He'd tell the boy he was sorry…if he ever got to see him again.

The red-head decided that he'd rather not know who he used to be if he couldn't be that person anymore. Without a heart, knowing who you were didn't really matter. If he was so much like this other red-head that Cloud had alluded to then why didn't he remember anything? It was all still blank, save for those odd flashes of pictures that were covered in red. Like someone had drenched an old photo in red paint, or blood.

"They were somewhere around here Leon." A new voice struck Axel out of his thoughts.

The high voice was unfamiliar and if his body hadn't been killing him then he would've turned his head to see who it was.

"Yuffie," he heard a soft male voice become suddenly defensive. "Stay where you are. There is something else here."

Who did these people think they were, sensing nobodies? It was laughable.

"Leon. Cid said that Sora's come back to help out. They are on their way to the castle." Axel heard a terse sigh come from the man obviously named Leon.

"Dammit."

There was a jingle and a soft crunch of dirt underneath shoes and boots. The red-head let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know the people that had shown up looking for the witch and her lackey but he was in no shape to face anyone that might pose him a threat.

An odd shiver ran down his spine and Axel closed his eyes to try and lessen the chill that he felt. He swallowed hard when red flashed behind his lids, teeth grinding when a familiar pain lodged itself into his temples.

"Fuck this," he managed to whisper out harshly before his entire body went limp.

* * *

_As soon as your eyes opened, their first reaction was to shut again, and go back to that blissful, silent darkness of your blank mind. Something rank reaches your nose and it stings: beer, sweat and blood- a combination your churning stomach doesn't want to deal with. Familiar red hair falls into your vision when you shift, damp with grime and rain._

_Something tells you though- maybe it was the smell, or the vomit in the back of your throat threatening to choke you, or maybe it was the sharp pains that seized your side when you coughed and spit blood on the concrete next to your cheek- but something told you that if you fell asleep again, you wouldn't be so lucky to wake up a second time. Sitting up, you realize a cold rain is trickling across your damp body and you shiver. With effort, you push yourself up from the muddy puddle you'd made your bed and slide your back against a grainy concrete wall, wobbly, but on two feet._

**Where the fuck am I?**

_Instincts long pounded into your head kick in and you take in your surroundings before worrying about yourself. You might have been out of work for awhile now, but old habits die hard, and you're glancing up and down this narrow alleyway, taking in the trash, the dark sky, the putrid smell of the slums. _

**Have I been here?**

_You crane your neck back, and artificial luminescence pours on you from above, the upper plate acting like a ceiling and blocking whatever sunlight might have normally made your head throb._

**The upper plate?**

_This isn't the first time you've woken up and not known where you were, and maybe you should be used to the rank smell of beer and blood on your clothes by now, but your hand is still shaky as you dig through your pocket for the pack of cigarettes you know you have. There's blood crusting into a sticky film across your cracked lips, a nice reminder of the events leading to your face hitting the ground._

_It's only after the smoke is lit and you're admiring the thin, white cigarette, that you realize there's blood smeared across your fingers and you look down your chest and nearly drop the cigarette from your mouth, barely catching it as you press your lips shut, biting back a gasp._

_Your entire front is stained in blood, the sight of it making you recoil, lip drawing up somewhere between a sneer and a gulp. You take what's left of your shirt, squeezing it in futile hopes of wringing the crusty blood out, hands just leaving streaks of grime along the fabric._

**Why did this happen to me?**

_There's no telling when those guys might come back and you sure as hell don't want to be here if they decide to. You rub your eyes, feeling every newly forming bruise along your skin, chest heaving with each heavy breath and you almost don't know if you survived the attack. You shut your eyes and rest one hand over your beating heart –just- to make sure._

_It's no surprise, really, even if it's not easy to get used to. The people of this city never had a lot of love for you; not when you were growing up and certainly not when you were a…_

**A what?**

_Well, it doesn't matter anymore. You've been a lot of things in your life- slum rat, drunk, hated hit man - and it seems you'll be living your last days as a miserable composite of the former. You used to be someone- people knew your name and what you did; they crossed the street when they saw you coming and couldn't touch you when you were plastered at a bar listing obscenities to their faces._

**When I was a what?**

"_Fuck," you mutter the only word that seems to sum everything up. In a sense you were always ready for this kind of thing- expected to expect it in your line of work. And what goes around comes around, so it's really not any shock to end up face first on the ground. Maybe the only real surprise is that you woke up this time. Your death is probably long overdue. _

_Would have been cool to go out with a bang, guns blazing and laughing maniacally, maybe blowing something up, but deep in the slums with your throat slashed and wallet stolen is a lot more likely these days. There are a thousand ways you might go, each of them low and dirty and degrading and you know you deserve each one. _

_It's all rather funny somehow, so you laugh, the hallow sound reverberating against the dirty walls as you limp from the alley. Other late-night trash is wandering the streets, but you don't take notice of them and they ignore you as everyone shambles along to their personal vices. Part of you waits to be shoved back into the dark ally to endure another round of well-deserved retribution but no one makes a move towards you. Maybe you aren't even worth their time._

_After all, you aren't anyone anymore. Everything you were was based on that suit you used to don, the weapons you used to wield, the company you used to keep. And the day they were finished, so were you._

**So who am I now?**

_As you wander the streets, you can't really be surprised that people hate you. You've never been the hero type, or the kind people could look up to; while you never looked down your nose on those below you, your job required an inability to imagine they were real people_.

**My job?**

_You need to find a bar, you decide. It's always the thought that follows any memories of who you used to be. Times like this you wonder where your old drinking buddy and partner has gotten to, until you remember how much better off he must be without you. _

**Who?**

_Like radar, you already know exactly where one is, your plodding steps quickening just slightly, legs moving more purposely, back still slouched, one thumb in your pocket, the other loosely holding the cigarette. _

_None of it even matters. Whatever you went through, whatever happened to everyone else, whether you were a changed man or not; nothing can change the past. You were the one who clawed your way to the top, who killed all those people and destroyed so much of this city. It's no surprise so many people hate you._

_After all, you hate yourself too. _

_And it's hard to take care of yourself when you know you have nothing valuable to loose- just your life- and that wouldn't be such a loss for anyone._

**What a loser this guy is.**

_The place you've been wandering towards is a shitty, run-down, windowless building, something between a bar and a whore house, offering patrons enough liquor to drown even the strongest into a forgetful stupor and plenty of skin for a distractive release. The door is heavy in your hand, but a cool breeze welcomes you and you fall ungracefully on a barstool, elbows hitting the table, head lolling to one side as you smile at the bartender. _

_No one here hates you- maybe it gives them some kind of pleasure to watch you drink your life away- and the bartender immediately starts pouring you one as you lay your last few gil on the table. It's mediocre at best, but it burns down your throat just as you like and makes your stomach warm, so you don't regret it. You try to drown out that questioning voice in your mind._

_One of the girls starts coming towards you, looking underfed in just a blue bra, matching panties and heels, and despite yourself, you flash her a smile. She might be a stripper and a whore, but you miss the way your grin used to melt people almost as much as you miss the human touch. Her body is warm against yours, hands moving skillfully across your chest in routine exploration, hips swaying with the music, one soft hand holding your chin to force you to lock eyes. She smells like sex and stale perfume, but you can't even imagine how disgusting you must look right now- crusty blood smeared on your body, grimy clothes, bloody lips and wet red hair- that it almost turns your stomach to know she has to touch you. That cocky voice in your head tells you you're still better looking than any other guy in the place_

_Her arms snake around your neck, drawing herself across your lap, one leg on either side of your lanky frame. Her lips are poised in a well-rehearsed pout; leaning backwards against your knees, she flips her hair back and snakes forward, lithe body rubbing rhythmically against yours. _

**Can I even feel anything anymore?**

_It's around this time you remember you spent your last gil on that mediocre drink and you know this girl isn't paying attention to you because she likes your personality. As she leans in and whispers something hotly in your ear, you almost want to laugh at how dead you still feel, even in your own personal heaven. Or maybe it's a hell. It's getting harder to tell these days._

"_Sorry doll," you smirk, realizing your apathy about the entire situation, even if you had the money for it. "I'll have to take a rain check."_

_Her pout only intensifies as she slowly runs her tongue against your ear, soft voice dipping into that pleading tone, as if she'd do anything to have you right then and there. You know she's only doing her job- hell, you'd never been a prostitute, but you've let your fair share of people use your body- but for some reason her insistence just suddenly rubs you the wrong way._

"_I'm not interested in you, alright," you scoff as her sweet pleas continue, irritation building. _

**Reckless.**

_You know you shouldn't start something like this, but god damn does part of you want to stir up some trouble. When you've been kicked this low, you just want to throw a punch at anyone a little worse off. And so when she glares at you, slapping you across the face with a loud crack, it almost feels good. The same kind of good you feel when you wake up face first in an alley with only the taste of vodka to remind you how you got there. _

_As she stalks off, you settle back against your chair, pulse still fluttering with the urge to cause trouble, another craving for a drink bubbling up in your mind._

**So reckless.**

_There's a tap on your shoulder, two hard fingers striking your skin, and you turn, fully expecting a punch in the jaw. _

"_You're not welcome here," the voice belongs to a rather large man, all muscles with a beer belly who you can only assume owns the place. You raise an eyebrow, knowing full well the list of reasons he might give you- hell you probably killed off half his client base over the years- but your mouth is open and you're ripping his head off before you have the chance to think._

"_Oh, I'm not," your sneering voice questions. "Then tell me, you piece of shit," his face darkens, fists rising, and you still can't stop. "Are you too good for my business, like you got some kind of high class shit going on here?"_

_His hands are on your collar, lifting you from your stool and slamming your back against the wall but you're still rambling like the drunk madman you are, fragmented insults pouring from your mouth._

"_Your nasty whores and mediocre drinks-" His grip tightens against your neck, rage building in his eyes, your back still pushed against the wall. You know people are staring and your lips twist into something resembling a smirk._

"_In this trashy shit hole," you continue, just as he throws you to the ground._

"_You're right," cut off, you look to your left. The stripper in blue is standing there, arms crossed. "This is a trashy place." She looks you up and down coolly. "And it's still too good for you."_

**Yeah, it probably is.**

"_Look, slut," you reply anyway, not really sure what you're going to say, when you're cut off by a fist across the face and you taste fresh blood._

_He grabs your still-wet hair, fingers digging into your scalp and you wince, trying to stand up. You suddenly become aware of all those bruises along your skin, your aching ribs and the blood now dribbling down your cracked lips and you slowly get to your feet._

_He punches you again when you finally regain your wobbly balance, and you'd have probably fallen over if not for his other hand still ripping your hair out at the roots. You stop talking, stop the insults, stop making any noise at all. _

_Rough hands shove your back and the door comes flying at you; you trip over your feet down the stairs and land on your hands and knees on the wet concrete. You're getting pretty fucking sick of hitting the ground. _

_Hotly, you puff the strands of hair from your view, not really ready to get to your feet just yet. Somehow, you get the feeling that once you do, you'll just end up falling again._

_But the owner isn't done with you. You can hear his heavy footsteps coming down those wooden stairs and you wince when you hear your name on his lips, the tail end of an impressive string of curses. You know full well what he has planned for you, and you've already been beaten once today. _

_Fuck it. _

_With a breath that hurts your ribs, you gasp in the little air you can before he gets any closer, and lunge from the ground. Your legs scream in protest, but you don't stop. You can hear footsteps behind you, violent slaps against the pavement that you know you can outrun, but they make your heart skip a beat all the same. _

_A long time ago, you might have taunted him. You'd have stayed and fought, fucked him up real good, cackling laughter bubbling from your lips as you did. _

_But that was a long time ago._

_Look at you. _

_Running._

_You never would have run before._

_His footsteps fade into the darkness behind you, but you don't stop, feet still pounding against the pavement, heart still racing as you duck down one alley and out another. You can't stop. Someone will find you the second you do and that'll be the end._

**Even I know that, somewhere in this thick skull. **

_Your footfalls slow finally, chest heaving and body screaming at you to just lie down and die in a puddle somewhere. You lean against a piece of scrap metal, its old stains rubbing off on your filthy hands, but you don't care. You just rest your palms against it, shutting your eyes and trying to breathe; each inhale feels like fire, and each exhale feels like your last._

"_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkk," you yell finally, throwing yourself up and kicking what turns out to be a very heavy engine with one sore foot. Your hands are in your hair, ready to finish what the owner started, ready to scream and stomp until someone comes and blissfully ends it all for you._

_A light in a second story window pops on mid-rage, and you stop briefly, wondering if an angry face will appear and hopefully blow your head off for waking him up._

_Sleepy eyes appear and a face follows. Oh no._

_Not him._

_You're about to lunge behind the engine, out from under the hazy streetlight when his eyes catch yours. _

"_What the hell?" His voice is low, just loud enough for you to hear, the confusion and irritation seeping through his sleepy tone._

_What the hell indeed._

_Cloud. He would live here, wouldn't he?_

**Cloud?**

"_I wake you up Blondie?" You ask, as if it wasn't your fault you were out racing through the streets for your life and loosing battles against car engines._

_He leans on his elbows out the window, squinting to see you better. You step more into the light to give him a look, knowing what his reaction will be._

**Is that really Cloud?**

"_Are you okay," Cloud's voice is soft, still not over that hushed whisper._

"_You know," you reply with a grin. "Same as always." Which is depressingly true._

"_I'm coming down," comes his response. Not angry, not even really concerned. Just a flat decision. You wonder if he's coming down to run you out of here._

_You meet him at the front door anyway and dim light spills from behind him. He looks tired, like he hasn't been sleeping well._

"_What the hell happened to you," his eyes are narrowed as he takes in your ripped clothes, the mingling scents of beer and blood, the knots in your red hair._

"_This fucking city happened, that's what," you reply, digging through your pockets, hoping for one last cigarette._

_Cloud looks you up and down again, concern seeping into those deep blue eyes. "I think you should come in," he says softly. "Reno."_

**Reno?**

* * *

Reno?

Axel came to feeling like someone's hands were swimming around in his insides, guts churning around in his stomach. Everything he'd just seen was still flashing brightly in his mind. Slivers of emotions were trying to push there way to the surface, shards of regret, guilt and self loathing stabbing at his chest. His mind was still reeling from what he had just experienced. A vision clearer then any he had experienced before. Had it been a memory? No, he didn't have any memories.

Axel felt blood gush to his ears, the pictures from the vision still hazy and imprinted on the back of his closed eyes lids. The mud, rain, and blood; he'd never felt anything so clearly in his life. The thought struck him all of a sudden…he had felt all of those things. He didn't want to believe the vision but it was hard not to wisps of emotions were tickling his hollow chest and the image of Cloud's swirling sapphire depths were caught in his brain. Did they really used to glow like that?

His lungs burnt when he choked on his own shallow laugh. Here he was trying to push the thoughts from his mind and all he could focus on was Strife's eyes.

_Of course. You were mesmerized the first time you ever laid eyes on them. _

The red head rubbed his eyes. Managing to peel them open even though they felt like they had been glued together.

"Leon," A high pitched voice rang in his ears making him want to pass back out again. "Do you think he's ok?"

What? Against his better judgment he jerked his head up regretting the decision when his head thumped with pain and his gaze was met with angry blue grey eyes. Words escaped him so the only thing he could do was stare up at the looming figure standing dangerously close to him a nasty looking sword shining viscously at him.

"It doesn't matter." Axel noticed the scar between the mans eyes scrunch when he narrowed his eyes. "He's a member of the Organization."


	7. Turk

**Here's the seventh chapter hope you all enjoy it. Took awhile to do but I really do hope it was worth the wait. Reviews would be fantastic! Thanks to my beta and friend Becca for all the help. Enjoy. I own nothing.**

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"This is just fan fuckingtastic." Axel wanted to laugh, just laugh and never stop. Maybe a descent into some sort of insanity or a mindless existence as a dusk would be more tolerable then enduring the things that fate wanted to throw at him.

For instance, the extremely pissed looking brunette in front of him. He had to have done something extremely horrible in his past life to deserve all of this. It might have seemed ironic if he could've remembered any of it.

What was he thinking though? He was _remembering_ or whatever the hell you wanted to call what had been flashing through his mind.

"Squall." The girl, Yuffie he remembered him calling her screamed out at him like there was no other way that she was going to get his attention.

"Stay out of the way."

"Excuse me but do I get a say in any of this?"

"Shut up!" Before Axel could say another word that shining blade was right back between his eyes.

"Squall stop it." Yuffies voice rang in his ears sounding more urgent then the last time. "He's already hurt. I don't think he's going to try anything."

The red head raised his eyebrows. The girl was right he couldn't even turn his head much less do anything to harm the humans in front of him. However, that didn't stop him from thinking she was foolish to be so trusting given what he was. Her words fell on deaf ears anyway and the brunettes stormy eyes never left his own. He was a smart kid.

Never take your eyes off the enemy. No matter what condition they seemed to be in.

Leon steeled his gaze even further, mouth never moving from the line that it had settled in. He didn't care how this Nobody had gotten here or even why he was so beaten and bloody. All the ex SeeD really cared about was keeping him away from the people he cared about and the ones that counted on him to protect them. And somewhere in the back of his head he wanted to keep him away from Cloud. The less darkness around the better. Killing this one, an Organization member, might send a message to all the others plus he might be able to get some information on the Nobodies. He'd be damned if he let this world fall into darkness again.

"You're a smart one. Not taking your eyes off the enemy. I'll have to give you credit there." To anyone else the sound of a bullet aligning with the barrel of the gun blade would've been enough of a warning to shut their mouth. That was most people though and Axel wasn't most people…hell he wasn't even a person.

"Guess you're not as gullible as most people." Axels mouth continued to run.

"Guess you're not as smart as most people either. You must have a death wish to keep running your mouth." Leon was trying to keep his voice flat, frustration stabbing at his mind.

"The names Axel and even if I did have a death wish you still wouldn't kill me," the red head narrowed his eyes challengingly. "You don't have it in you."

Axel was either very right or terribly terribly wrong. If not then gun metal would be the last thing that he ever saw and it was not an appealing thought.

"I don't care what happened to you or what you are. I just want to know why you're here and what you know about the rest of the Organization."

So some people were catching on. Axel flexed his fingers without much strength he wasn't sure how he was going to get out of this.

"Like im gonna tell you all that." Axels tone was daring.

"Either you do or im going to send you back to whatever darkness you came from." Leon's fingers were itching to pull the trigger but for whatever reason a combination of Yuffie's protests and the Nobodies nonchalant attitude were making it hard for him to focus.

"Id like to see you try."

(_What the hell is wrong with you.")_

Leon didn't hesitate even a second before pulling the trigger, something between never backing down from a challenge and the nerve biting anger he was feeling had pushed him over the edge. So it had been a good thing that the black haired ninja girl and her giant shuriken were there to deflect the bullet.

"What are you doing Squall!? Cant you see he's already hurt."

Yuffies eyes were wide and filled with silent disappointment. The man may have been a Nobody but she wasn't saving him because she had a strange affection for the creatures or because she was young and naïve. She was saving him because she saw something in him, recognized the air in his voice and his crooked smirk. It made her heart leap in her chest and she couldn't in good conscious and in memory of her home let Squall hurt him without clearing some of her feelings up.

She wasn't sure how to even start explaining all of what she was feeling to Squall.

"Get out of the way he's dangerous." Leons voice was dangerously tense but Yuffie stood her ground.

"Dangerous? He cant even lift his arms." The girl sparred a wayward glance at the red-head behind her. Axel wasn't sure what to make of what was happening in front of him. He'd shut his eyes and braced for the impact of the bullet, smiling ironically to himself that his mouth had finally gotten him killed and that it hadn't been at the hands of Xemnas of Saix but this complete stranger.

But this girl, she had put herself in harms way to_ save_ him. If he would've been able to feel the relief wash over him he would've had to thank her. Heh, it was really too bad. He did however feel slightly put off.

"Thanks but no thanks. I don't need your help. So if you don't mind." The rouge organization member tried to shift his body but got a painful jolt up his spine in response.

"My names Yuffie," she trailed off feeling awkward that the red-head in front of her didn't know her name. "I think you should come with us." The Wutian girl didn't exactly know why she felt the need to take the Nobody back with them but it was what her gut was urging her to do.

"He's a threat Yuffie! Were not taking him with us anywhere." Leons eyes were steel staring straight at her. She knew the way he felt about creatures born from the darkness but these Nobodies, they infuriated him. Maybe it was because they were something he could tie his anger to. Heartless were unfeeling and unthinking creatures that didn't know one way or another if you were condemning them to the worst fate possible. But these Nobodies, these human Nobodies they could speak, they were viable. For as little as they all knew about them Leon had been the quickest to judge the creatures.

Maybe he wasn't wrong for feeling this way about the Nobodies but something was screaming at her to protect this one. She needed to tell Cloud about this.

"Something is telling me not to let this go. We need to at least tell Sora about this."

"And we will but were not taking this thing back into town with us."

"What the hell are you two doing out there? I need your asses here now." Cid's muffled voice over the radio cut through their argument.

Leon didn't take his icy eyes from the scene in front of him. One eye on Axel and the other making sure that Yuffie didn't do anything stupid. His fingers toyed with the radio on his belt pressing the button and brining it up to his mouth.

"We will be there soon. Something caught us by surprise." His kept his tone flat. The last thing he wanted to do was put Cid on alert more then he already was.

"Is it something to worry about?" I'll send Cloud out if you need backup."

Yuffie suppressed the urge to speak up knowing that Cloud could defuse this situation but also knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to put the blonde in the middle of this.

"No, we've got it handled."

"Well then get back here. We don't have all day." And with that Cid's voice cut out and silence played back over the radio.

"We don't have time to screw around we need to get back."

"Then let's go. But he's coming with us." Yuffie smiled matter of factly at the brunette warrior hoping the urgency of the situation would cut the tension in the air.

"I hate to but into your conversation but," Axels eyes narrowed. "Im not going anywhere with you."

Leon gritted his teeth. His temper was beginning to spill over again and he couldn't waste anymore time getting back to the Bastion. Yuffie was insistent on taking this Nobody back with them and the more he really thought about it the more he realized that the only way he was going to get the information he wanted was to bend to Yuffies whim. Then again he didn't want to bring more darkness into their home. No one needed that. Especially not Cloud who's own lightlessness was threatening to take over his mind and body.

But at this point he really didn't have a choice.

He fingered the small radio on his belt weighing his options heavily in his head. After a few moments he gave Yuffie a stern nod. Her eyes lit up instantly, grabbing Axels wrist lightly as Leon brought the radio up to his mouth and said four concise words.

"Bring us back Merlin."

Before the first curse words could escape the Organization member's mouth blue magic enveloped the trio. The red-head was left flat on his back a moment later spine stinging and magic still burning his skin.

"Motherfucker." It was the first word that sprung out of the Nobodies mouth.

"Oh my. What do we have here?"

The old wizards heavily bearded face appeared in front of Axels, screwed in some sort of inquisitive expression.

"We found him on the outskirts of the Bastion in the valley." Leon's voice was dark gun blade still tight in his grip and blade still shining in Axels direction.

"We brought him back because we thought that he might be able to give us some information." Yuffie chimed in starring down at the red-head like the rest of the group.

Axel felt like some sort of animal in a cage.

"What an interesting creature. This is the first time ive gotten to see these ones close up."

Axel growled in the back of his throat something itching inside of him to rip the old mans throat out. However he knew if he made one wrong move that he would end up getting skewered but the brunette's blade or shot by the strange looking contraption attached to it.

"You two need to get going. Cid needs you at the Castel the heartless are multiplying faster then we thought." The old man gave his warning and Leon gave a weary look around the room. He wasn't sure he wanted to leave Merlin with the red-head but he knew that if he tried to stay the wizard would only insist that he could take care of himself.

"Well be back soon. Don't let him out of your sight."

"Ill handle it. You two just get where you're needed."

Without another word Leon and Yuffie were off, door slamming behind them.

"Now we better get you somewhere safe."

"If you touch me old man I swear I'll---"Axel rasped to finish the sentence but his voice was suddenly dead in his throat.

"_Damn wizard."_

"If you're not going to mind your manners then im going to have to keep you quiet."

Axel shut his eyes. This was going to be just great.

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"I can tell you're lonely and isolated and I feel helpless because I can't do anything to help. So please," she managed to break his train of thought with a feather light touch on his arm. "Just talk to me. I want to listen."

As much as the blonde wanted to tell Aerith there was no telling how long it would take for the secret he would entrust her with the get back to Yuffie and Leon. He still needed time to think and telling more people would only complicate things.

"You know I can't do that. This is my burden to carry. I'm not going to let you or anyone else worry about it." The ex-soldier knew that his answer was probably getting old but she should've known that. He wasn't going to crack. Not for her or anyone else.

The brunette sighed crossing her arms. "You won't ever change will you?" Her voice was playful even if her posture was not.

"I guess not." The blonde placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder as they walked through the doors to Merlin's small workshop.

"Merlin," Aerith called out eyes scanning the dusty books and tables for any trace of the old wizard.

"Oh my. I'm glad you two are here. I have something interesting to show you."

Cloud wondered if he was in the mood to see one of the wizard's harebrained creations. He was about to wave off the old man but Aerith grabbed his arm and started dragging him in the direction of the back room where Merlin was leading them. He briefly thought about what oddity would be waiting for them back there. What kind of invention had he come up with this time or what magic spells he had been testing on the heartless.

The wizard had used magic to help draw some of the darkness out of him when he had first arrived on Hollow Bastion. If it weren't for some of the wizards unorthodox spells he may have still had a claw for an arm and a leathery demon wing as a constant reminder of his souls taint. So he guessed he owed the old man something.

"Oh my." Aeriths soft concern drew him out of his reflections and he had to flex his hand just to make sure that it really was there. The blonde shook his head and diverted his mako gaze to where the old wizard was standing. Cloud had to bite his tongue to keep him from uttering what he was thinking and feeling the moment he set eyes on it…or well him. Axel was laying before him on one of Merlins examination tables, eyes shut in a somewhat peaceful manner. Bruises were starting to blossom under his left eye, smears of blood leaking from his nose and mouth. There was a soft green glow over his entire body, it was some sort of stasis cure spell. Designed to keep the person immobile and safe while the magic patched up their body. Aeirth had helped the wizard come up with it, mostly because he and Leon were too stubborn to listen when she tried to make them rest after she cured them. It was a good idea in theory but no one could wake you while you were under and once you stopped the spell it took awhile for it to wear off. Which wasn't a good thing when you were one of the only defense this world had against the remaining heartless there were here.

Cloud had to repress the shiver that was trying to crawl its way up his spine. To see the Nobody lying on the table like this, lifeless and still. It reminded his of Reno right before the darkness ate his body and erased him from his arms. He could tell by Aeriths reaction that she immediately picked up on the resemblance. Her delicate hand was over her mouth, reaction frozen in place. If Cloud's blood wouldn't have been on the urge of boiling then he might've had the same expression. The ex-mercenary wanted and explanation. What the hell had happened to Axel during their time apart?

Cloud swallowed the newly formed lump in this throat as a nauseating premise seeped into his mind. Had the Nobody he'd been running from done this? Had he been the reason the red-head was in the condition he was now. Nervousness balled in the blonde's chest as he hoped that his discussion with Axel hadn't caused the wounds that now painted his body.

How the hell had he even ended up here?

"Where did you find him?" After a long air of silence Aeirth finally asked the question that the ex-soldier was dying to know the answer to.

"Im afraid it wasn't me dear," the old wizard adjusted his glasses. "Leon and Yuffie brought this interesting creature here. It is quite a find if I do say so myself." The curiosity in Merlins voice was undeniable, fingers tittering along the table. Cloud only narrowed his eyes trying to fight the urge to snap at the wizard. He knew all too well what it was like to be looked at like some inhuman thing. A soulless monster. Everyone at the Coliseum had looked at him like he really was the demon that the darkness was trying to mold him into. Not to mention the horrors of being a Shinra guinea pig for 5 years.

Cloud tired to wipe away those dark thoughts with a question of his own.

"Leon did this?" his voice was teetering on cracking.

"Oh no." Merlin spoke calmly recognizing the edge in the warriors tone. "They said they found him out in the Canyon like this."

"Merlin," the flower girl walked toward the blue robbed man and grabbed his arm. "Why don't you come and show me how to get into the computer system again." She scooted him toward the door despite his protests and when she finally shoved him out she gave Cloud a slight smile before closing her eyes and whispering something under her breath.

"Just call if you need anything."

Cloud let a slight smile twist into his lips before turning back toward Axel. His heart pounded in his chest as he drank in the image of the red-head before him. All of this seemed too good to be true even if the man that was in front of him now wasn't the same man he remembered. Reno had to be buried in there somewhere he just needed time to dig deep and find him.

"How am I going to make you understand." He lightly brushed his fingers through Axel's spikes letting chills run through him as he felt the familiar texture of that red hair wash over him. It wasn't quiet the same but it was close enough.

"How do I get your heart back?" He bit his lip. "What if I can't?" Cloud placed his ungloved hand over the spot where Axels heart was supposed to be. The leather trench was cool to the touch and the anticipated thump of a heart beat never came. He really did have no heart.

Suddenly the feel of the leather against his fingertips and the sight of those green eyes and that red hair were too much for him to handle. His lips were on Axels before he even knew what he was doing, eyes squeezing shut so his mind could relish in the moment. Axel may not have been Reno but his lips were just as soft as he remembered them. Cloud moved his hand up to cradle the red-heads face and deepen the kiss, mind completely lost in the moment not realizing that Axels eyes were twitching awake, green peeling back.

Axels eyes widened, his body recoiling, lips drawing back into a sneer, as his arms shot out, grabbing the blondes shoulders and shoving him back. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, wiping his lips quickly with the back of his hand.

"…sorry," Clouds voice was rushed and barely over a whisper as he drew away from Axel, shoulders slumped, blue eyes sliding to the floor. Axel sat up and blood rushed to his head instantly, making his vision swim. He rubbed his eyes quickly, hesitant to let Cloud out of his sight.

Cloud stood there, a defeated look on his face. "Sorry," he mumbled again, eyes never meeting Axels. The red head stood up, fighting his swimming vision. "You were…"

"Shut up."

"You just…" Cloud's voice trailed off as he shook his head.

"I said shut up," Axel yelled, hands in the air. "I do not look like Reno," he thrust a finger at Cloud.

"But a Nobody."

"I'm not and have never been," Axel stormed past Cloud, heading for the door with his vision still hazy. "That fucking Turk."

Axel grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open when Cloud turned his eyes from the floor, barely glowing sapphires intense on Axels back.

"A Turk?" His voice was incredulous and Axel froze. "I never told you he was a Turk."

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"Oh don't worry Strife," Saix murmured, watching as the blonde glanced around the room. "It's only me."

Saix leaned forward in his chair; the apperation of Cloud Strife almost meeting his eyes as he carefully made his way across the room towards a sleeping Axel. Saix took a deep, slow breath, keeping his irritation quelled with a short laugh.

Cloud paused for a moment, lips pursed, gazing at the sleepy red-head "I know you're in there." He murmured suddenly moving forward, mouth meeting Axels in a passionate clash, and an angry gasp escaped Saix…but even as Saix gripped the armrest, pale fingers tightening against the leather, Axel's eyes popped open, those green eyes the same as ever, and Cloud instantly drew away with a defeated look that made a smirk crack across Saix's pale lips.

"What the hell," Axel demanded and the silver haired man settled back in his chair, a smug sense of safety coming over him, of course Axel was angry, he assured himself, letting the initial waves of anger he'd felt die.

He hooked one leg over his knee, wishing he could replay the moment Axel's eyes opened, the anger and surprise that had flashed over his face, the fear in Cloud's eyes.

He loved that fear.

"Saix," a cool voice sounded behind him and the silver haired organization member slid his eyes over to acknowledge the superior standing behind him. "I find it odd that you're so interested in number eight."

Xemnas voice was always full of some odd curiosity that dug at Saix. For being their leader the Nobody seemed naïve, blindly driven by his search for Kingdom Hearts.

"He is my responsibility. I'm making sure that he does what he's told." Saix's voice was dangerously sharp, the way it always became when anyone brought up the red headed nobody.

Xemnas only stood there, keeping his knowing gaze locked on Saix. The superior brought a thoughtful finger to his chin after a moment.

"There is something about Axel," he drawled stepping closer to Saix and the pool of light he'd been watching. "His nature. It makes him seem human doesn't it?" Amber eyes were affixed upon the dulled image in the pool. Both the blondes and the red heads eyes were locked and a flicker of a smirk twisted into his features.

"The blonde," Xemnas paused to glance at Saix who's expression remained blank despite the bubbles of emotion that were itching to be felt. "He makes you angry."

"Anger?" Saix almost scoffed. "How could I possibly feel anger."

"Don't be foolish Saix. Just because we are shells dose not mean we've lost all of our former selves. Dregs of emotions remain. They are there as a reminder of what are cause truly means." Xemnas hand traced slowly along the back of his chair, calm eyes scanning Saix.

"Axel will betray us if given the chance. He is already putting our plans in danger."

"Then bring him back here. I have a task for him."

"He will----"Saix's words trailed off when Xemnas laid his hand on his shoulder and met his eyes.

"Do not make me repeat myself. You are more then capable of destroying any threat to our plans. If the blonde leads Axel astray, get rid of him."

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Axel wracked his brain for a moment trying to figure out just why he had decided to spit out that information. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Strife about the visions he'd been experiencing, especially after what had just happened.

"It doesn't matter what you did or didn't tell me. You stay the fuck away from me blondie." The nobody swallowed the lump that was crawling up his throat and reached for the door handle again.

"Don't leave," the blondes voice was quiet, hand reaching out to the irritated Axel. "I need to talk to you. You know more then you're letting on." Cloud grit his teeth. He knew what he had done was out of line but the information that had just leaked out of the red heads mouth…he couldn't let that go.

"Fuck you! Fuck you and your stupid little delusions." Axel's voice was a little shaky and his fingers weren't working as well as they should have been, fumbling with the door handle.

"You're not going anywhere." The ex-soldier crossed the room in a flash grabbing the nobodies arm. "Not until you tell me how you know that word."

"I don't owe you anything." Anger flashed dangerously in Axels green eyes and his fingers burned. He could engulf this entire room in flames if he wanted to. It was just a matter of what the blondes next moves were.

"You can't tell me you're not curious about all this. That you don't feel it too."

"Feel?" Axels grin in that moment was dangerously sharp and the nobody laid a death grip of his own on Clouds shoulder, pushing him back. "I can't _feel_ anything," Axel was yelling now but he didn't care. Cloud was in dangerous territory whether he knew it or not.

"Im trying to help you. Why can't you see that?" Suddenly Cloud felt like he was having a very familiar argument and that same old adrenaline that used to pump through his veins was starting to surge again, blurring his vision. He pushed the feeling down grabbing the red heads jacket and pulling him dangerously close. "Just stop being so fucking stubborn."

"Shut up!" Axel didn't feel anything, didn't even want to think about the images that had flashed through his mind. He hadn't known what he was saying when the words rushed out of his mouth. He hadn't even known what was going on. And here he was, staring into this strangers eyes who he had not met even a week before hand and was now trying to rationalize his existence to someone he'd met not even a week ago. He didn't even give explanations about what he did or why he did it to his superiors in the organization. So what was so different about Cloud. After what the man had just pulled he shouldn't even been standing here. But something compelled him, something was making his feet stay rooted in place and his fingers hesitate and fumble as he tried to open the door. The red head didn't want to admit it to himself but something had surged inside of him when he felt Cloud's lips against his, anger or not there was something there pulsing in his chest That was half the reason there was a anxious clenching in his chest the other half, well he didn't want to address the other half.

Cloud swallowed, fingers flexing in nervousness. How could he be so close to the thing, no the person that had eluded him for so long and so far away at the same time. What was stopping him from just taking what he wanted, showing Axel who he was rather then waste his time trying to explain memories and a world that this person in front of him had no clue about.

_What?_

If Axel wasn't going to accept who he really was. Wasn't it his duty to get him to?

_You've been denied what you've wanted all your life. Tifa, Sephiroth, Zack, Aeirth, Reno. Just take what you want for once. Don't let fate rip this away too._

The thick voice reverberated in his head, slow and steady and level in its tone. He couldn't place this voice and it unnerved him. It wasn't Sephiroths rich almost seductive tones and it wasn't Zack's cheerful and reassuring voice that had long since faded since he's wound up on this planet. He'd feared that his soul had disappeared after his world had been consumed and smothered in darkness. But, Aerith had spoken little of what had occurred in the lifestream when the heartless had invaded. Only that the plant had manifested many souls in mortal flesh to be spread out during the crisis, hoping that if something happened that it could reinstitute the lifestream through the pure souls that had been saved. Aerith had certainly been one of them but that was all she had known or at least all she was willing to tell.

_What are you talking about? Hope has gotten you nowhere in the past. There is something real in front of you now. Take it or I will take it for you. _

The blonde did all he could to keep his eyes focused on Axel even though he could feel the strange pulse of another consciousness ebbing into his own. Sephiroth or no something was creeping into his mind. Maybe it was the same thing that had occurred when he'd been training out in the Fissure. When he'd woken up and Leon was standing above him, out of breath, his knuckles red and the ache that Cloud felt in his jaw.

It was dangerous and dark and it was no doubt going to harm Axel.

"Look," he gritted his teeth. "I'm sorry about what I did and I know that I was out of line but please,

promise me that this is not the last time I will see you. No matter what happened here." He knew he was putting a lot of faith in Axel but he had to believe that there was something in Axel that would keep coming back long enough to remember something, anything, no matter what it was.

Axel was so shocked at the blondes words that he could almost feel the laughter bubbling up his throat. How screwed up did this guy have to be to want him to stay one minuet and leave the next.

"You are one screwed up piece of work you know that."

Axels words were ringing in Cloud's ears and he took as deep a breath as his now aching body would allow.

"I know how screwed up this all is. I know that you don't want to believe me or anyone else but," the ex-mercenary bit back the scream that was all to ready to rip from the back of his throat. His heart felt heavy all of a sudden, the chilly darkness that he finally did recognize rearing its ugly head.

"_Leave me alone. Im not playing your game."_

"_What makes you think you have a choice in the matter Strife. Once the darkness smothers you your body and soul will be mine to control." _

"_I won't let you hurt him." _

Sensuous laughter and then an eerie silence enveloped him.

"_Im not going to hurt anyone. You are." _

"Something is happening to me that I can't control. I want you to leave before something happens."

Axel really wasn't sure what to say. What to do. What was really happening in front of him? Leave? Was he really just supposed to leave?

The red head swallowed fingers dead on the doorknob until a voice broke him out of his stupor.

"Cloud? Is everything ok?" Aerith's soft concern floated though the door and Axel could feel the handle rattle slightly under his grip.

He turned, the shell of what was supposed to be angry anxiousness seeping away when his eyes connected with Cloud's. A deep worry was etched there, something that ran much deeper then just the stress of what was happening in the moment. This was the first time he'd seen it, seen the cracks on the blondes soul, saw the bags under his eyes and the slight glow there.

He wanted to look away but his body wouldn't let him, green stuck on blue and there was suddenly something fiery and distinct trying to claw its way to the surface of his mind. Even as the doorknob moved more fervently, pounding on the door following.

"Cloud! Answer me."

Three thick pounds on the door and the red head still didn't move. There were pictures and memories rising to the surface. Bubbling in a way they hadn't before it wasn't a nauseating lurch or a painful flash that made his ears ring no, this time it was easy something that he was seeing just past what was really in front of him. A second Cloud was there, eyes so blue that you could hardly see the pupils, golden spikes matted and dirty, sweat dripping from his forehead and breaths ragged. A dingy, tattered blue unifom hung loosely on his body, torn holes bleeding red and giant sword gleaming in the darkness, stance strong and heavy but never wavering.

Axel froze as thoughts that were all at once his and not his flooded his mind. He forced his limbs to be still, trying to stay upright, a familiar wave of another's consciousness washing over his own. He held his breath; the vision of this other Cloud before him was too strong and Axel suddenly felt like his body might fall to pieces if he didn't use every ounce of strength he had to hold it together.

It was too much; he let out the breath he'd been desperately holding and all at once, he lost what little control he'd had.

You felt a smirk tug at your lips and let it slide easily on your face.

Axel's mouth twitched, he watched Cloud's heaving shoulders, his set jaw; those glowing blue eyes.

Your body relaxes; back slouches, limbs feel loose.

You watch that apparition of Cloud, that shadow of the real blond haired man who also stands before Axel. No, Axel realized, this ghost Cloud, with his torn, dirty clothes and that killer look in his eye, he is the real Cloud. The Cloud you have always seen is just a ghost of his former self.

Suddenly you're crouched next to the door of a helicopter; it reverberates steadily as it flies and you grin, trying to squash the excitement of what you're about to do as you turn to give a familiar man in a familiar suit one last, goofy thumbs up, before rolling out of the helicopter; the small weight of the simple bomb feeling at home on your hip.

A pale steel column flashes before Axel's vision, and instantly you sense the word _pillar _somewhere in the back of your mind. The smirk grows as you run for it, the sheer joy of what you're about to do makes you want to giggle; you fiddle with the controls on the side, setting the bomb to detonation.

The apparition of Cloud rushes towards you, followed by two other figures Axel couldn't place. Axel shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts and he realized the other Cloud was watching him too; his mouth moving like he was speaking; words sounding more and more distant to Axel's ears.

You looked up to see Cloud standing right before you, his hands reaching for his sword. You grin and a casual voice spills from your lips: "you're too late," you can't help but smile. "Once I push this button…" You let your fingers wiggle in the air above the final switch, watching those shockingly blue eyes go narrow; his mouth opens to stop you.

Axel shook his head, violent jerks from side to side that continue down his body. "I don't know," he gasped. "I don't know what's…"

And it's with your eyes piercing directly into Cloud's that your finger falls, delicately and triumphantly pushing the button. The bomb reverberates to life with a soft beep and you grin into Cloud's defeated expression. "That's all folks," you jeer. "Mission accomplished!"

Axel recoiled; a wave of guilt crashing through the memory. He fell to his knees, trying to focus on Cloud, the real Cloud, at least the one he thought was real; the one who was fading in and out of his vision, his mouth moving like he was speaking, expressions washing over his face- worry, impatience, concern and anger.

"…disarm it!" A female voice, pleading, begging, shoots through your mind and you're standing up, straight but slouched, smooth but sloppy, again; the whole of Midgar below you.

Axel opened his mouth, still trying to focus on Cloud's silent words in the background, but other words tumbled from his lips:

"I can't have you do that."

Cloud froze as Axel spoke. A very distant memory suddenly tugged at the Ex-Soldier's mind. The blonds jaw fell open. Could Axel be remembering something now? There was no way…until Axel spoke again; a familiar smuggness in his voice that made Cloud's heart race.

"No one gets in the way of Reno and the Turks..."

"Axel!?" Cloud's voice was strained and he reached again for the organization member.

_Turks. _That word again, Axel wondered hazily. _Turks. _That loaded word. He tried to focus on the real Cloud, the one standing behind this flickering apparition, the Cloud he knew. But even as he did, the ghost came into his view, his sword glistening under the artificial lights of Midgar, and you dodge his furious attack.

Axel flung up his arm and Cloud gasped. "What the hells going on, Axel," he demanded to the redhead. Cloud tried to reach for his arm, worry written over his face, but the organization member flung it back, his eyes distant, like they were seeing something else entirely.

You can't take much more, you think, taking a gasping breath and dodging another attack. You catch sight of the helicopter in the distance and grin as your weapon makes contact with Cloud. His sword clashes into your body and you know you've had enough, so you flash a grin and start to run.

"It's time," you smirk back to him, one hand gripping the steel railing as you flip yourself over it, snatching the rope off the helicopter and pulling yourself up; the explosion behind you makes you grin, showing all your teeth.

"No," Axel's voice was hushed, his body hunched over, a shiver running down his spine. Guilt rushed over him suddenly, flooding out the pride and smug joy you'd felt just seconds earlier. "All those people," he whispered, green eyes blinking; the vision drifting away as suddenly as it'd come.

"Axel!" Cloud demanded, a hand shaking his shoulder. "What people?" The blond crouched down, trying to put himself level with the organization member's shaking body. "What did you see?"

Axel's head shot up suddenly and Cloud jumped back, startled. The redhead blinked, pulling away from Cloud, his eyes meeting the blonds. "They aren't glowing anymore," he said thoughtfully, and Cloud jerked his shoulder again, violently.

"Tell me what you saw," he demanded again, so certain and so afraid to be sure before Axel confirmed it.

"…the pillar," Axel said dumbly, not sure why the word felt so loaded to him; why a single word held so much meaning to both him and Cloud.

The blonde rocked back suddenly, a terrible pain spreading through his mind. That voice was back; that sultry tone and those silky words. "You have to get out of here," Cloud moaned, shutting his eyes, willing his sanity to stay complete for just a few more moments.

Axel jumped to his feet, vision still jumbled, limbs still shaking. Words rung in his mind; ideas, emotions that weren't his. The guilt and the joy were all tumbled up together as he turned his back and fled, suddenly knowing that his retreating back was a familiar sight to Cloud.

The blonde wanted to scream as loud as he could for Axel to come back but he knew that he was doing the right thing by staying crouched, mouth clamped shut tight. Familiar hands were suddenly trying to sooth his back, brunette hair falling into his vision.

"Aerith you have to leave." He took a shaky breath in trying to suppress the fierce ache in his head.

"Im not leaving you!" the sternness in her voice caught him off guard, one of her hands leaving his back to rest on his forehead.

Aerith took a deep breath trying to tap into the remaining power she had as an Ancient.

Cloud shut his eyes, warmth ebbing from her hand to his forehead and further into his mind. He could fell Sephiroths consciousness recoil along with the darkness that had followed it.

"_So futile Strife. I'll break you before too long." _

And with those last damning words any trace of Sephiroth was gone from his mind. The blonde exhaled, exhausted and drained and with hardly any strength left in his limbs or the rest of his body for that matter he collapsed onto the hard wood floor pathetically.

"What happened?" The panic in Aerith's voice cut through his tired haze, eyes opening as he tried to shift his body.

"That's not important." His breath felt shallow in his lungs but even so he wanted to pull himself up and run, run as far as he had to to find Axel…if he was even really still Axel. "Did you see him run out of here?"

"Who? The red-head?" She glanced toward the door and then back at Cloud. "He ran out the door. I---was worried about you so," Cloud gave her a thoughtful look to ease her nerves but his mind was still reeling from what had just happened.

"Do you know him?" she stayed crouched by his side eyes never leaving his. The blonde chewed on his lip trying to figure out what to tell her so he just didn't say anything mind going back and forth between the present and the past. _The pillar…_if any memory was raw enough to rush back up it was that one. He could still see the grin on Reno's face after he had activated the detonator on the bomb and could remember the urge he had in that moment to cut the red-head in two. Reno had done a lot of rotten things in his life some ShinRa influenced and some not but none of them really seemed to matter anymore. He'd go through everything all over again if he could just have Reno back…if only for a second.


	8. Cutting the strings

**I promise the updates will come much faster from now on and yes I do plan on finishing this. Don't get discouraged from reading ^^ Im just a perfectionist when it comes to writing this. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed! Keep up the good work! Oh and special thanks to Hikari ni michita sora and XBulletproofideaX for looking over it and helping me sooo much. R and R please!!! **

All Axel wanted to focus on was the sound of his pounding feet against the stone road echoing in his ears. He was running, running as fast and as hard as his feet could take him against a protesting burn in his lungs and a terrible ache in his feet. He felt light headed and something fortuitous was swirling in his hollow chest.

"Fuckin---worlds out to get me." He took a gasping breath using a grainy brick wall to balance his wobbly frame.

Some rueful part of him wanted to laugh but the other half was quivering, sent spiraling with the things he had just seen. Turks, the pillar, and a whole other world that had completely broken through his mind. He'd had thoughts before, peaking outs of memories that he had denied vehemently but, the most recent one he couldn't deny, couldn't push back and label as just meaningless images that were being brought on by an overzealous blond that had too much hope for his own good.

"Finally realized that you need to stay away from that one?" The cool voice sunk into his ears but he was too tired to be shocked and too confused to give a bitter sarcastic comeback.

"What do you want." His mouth itched to curl into its ever familiar smirk but he just kept it in a grim line. If there was anyone capable of making his mood worse, it was Saix.

"I told you opening that mouth of yours to other people about us would be hazardous to your health." There was a certain slyness in the nobodies voice but Axel couldn't even bring himself to look at the man looming behind him.

"I don't need a lecture right now." Axel sucked in a sharp breath finally letting his speckled eyes migrate over to the silver haired man. "I know what I'm doing."

"I'm sure you do." Axel felt the man move, fingers on his shoulder and he saw the x-shaped scar twitch as he raised an eyebrow. "Tell me what he told you." Saix's tone was unnaturally light and it made something in the red-head's stomach bubble.

"No one told me anyth--." The organization member clamped his mouth shut mid sentence as Saix moved closer pushing one gloved finger over his lips to hush his words.

Axel wanted to back up but the bricks only dug into his back, eyes going wide and focusing on Saix's amber ones.

"What did he tell you?" The mans finger lingered over his lips for a moment before trailing down his chin, finally letting it fall to his side.

Axel wanted to look away but his eyes were stuck to Saix's eyes, fingers curling and uncurling in an uncharacteristic anticipation. "I—I'm not telling you anything." He swallowed and tipped his head back thinking about just how pathetic those words had sounded to his own ears and he could see Saix's lips twitch.

"What good it is to lie or keep things from me. I know what you've been doing Axel." The man's eyes narrowed, scar twitching but face remaining calm. Axel had never seen the man lose his temper, it was all complacency and stillness. It made the red-head anxious, hollow hole in his chest stirring again.

The red-head opened his mouth to say something but all that spilled out was a contemptuous gurgle from his throat. He owed nothing to Cloud and he was sure that Saix knew something about what had happened back at the house but he didn't say anything. A phantom flicker of some sort of suppressed devotion to the Organization pulsed in his mind, screaming at him to spill his guts and let Saix deal with what had been going on.

"Don't tell me you have nothing to say." The jingle of metal cut the tension between them and if it was at all possible Saix moved closer, fingers tracing nimbly up Axel leather trench. "Now tell me Axel," strong digits gripped his chin making his eyes focus on the other nobodies gleaming amber ones. "What did the blond tell you?"

The red-heads eyes sprung wide and his breaths heaved in his chest. He knew it. Saix always had a one up on him…was always one step ahead and could see through him to his very empty core. "He," Axel choked on the word as his stomach twisted. "He's got this crazy idea that I used to be somebody else. He's just blinded by his hope." The words were shaky, like he was trying to play down something important.

"And what did you tell him?" the gloved hand loosened its grip on the red-heads jaw and moved down to fist his jacket, leather groaning in response.

Axel jerked forward, smirk finally showing itself as it spread across his lips. "I told him he was fucking insane…happy?"

He could see the corner of Saix's mouth twitch before he released him completely.

"Old habits die hard I suppose," the lunar diviner eyed him up and down, smoldering gold irises engulfing him in their intensity while his face remained placid. "Roxas' defection softened your resolve. Do you believe that this blond can replace that one?"

Something guttural and fiery rose in the nobody's chest at the mention of Roxas, smirk dropping from his face.

"Roxas has nothing to do with this." Axel shouldered past Saix trying desperately to regain his composure.

"Where do you think you can run Axel? There is nowhere you can go that I can't follow." Precise words echoed in the alley and Saix caught the red-head's wrist, squeezing painfully tight.

Axel snarled to himself, keeping his mouth buttoned up even though he wanted to let the curses flow. "I've got something I need to do."

Up until now there was always one contingent, one constant, one thing that had kept playing in his head. Roxas…ever since the blond had left, run away from the organization the red-head had felt emptier, hollow. Which was funny because he had no heart of his own and yet, the keyblade wielding nobody made something swirl. He'd denied it, even laughed in the boy's face because up until he had left Axel had been driven, determined to snuff out any traitor or betrayal that could threaten Xemnas' plans. Because like the rest of them Axel believed that ensnaring Kingdom Hearts was the only way to feel, to restore their hearts and make them who they once were but somehow, without even knowing it…Roxas had changed all that.

"_Finally woken up?" You couldn't help the hollowness that slipped into your voice. This was one of the last times that you would be able to talk to the blond in his dreams. He was slipping away fast and there was nothing you could do about it. _

"_Axel." Roxas regarded you with surprised blue eyes…like he wasn't expecting you to come. Hell, you were surprised that you'd shown up. You were never good at goodbyes. This dream realm had always been a sort of refuge for you and him. _

"_Nope, maybe you're going to sleep." it was all you said as you stared out into the skyline. "Soon I won't even be able to talk to your consciousness like this."_

"_I--" he struggled to say something to justify it, eyes turning away from you. "I'm going back to how I was." _

_You sighed trying not to let what you really thought about all this spill from your lips. Roxas deserved better from you. "I've thought about it a lot. Namine said the same thing." You fought the urge to bite your bottom lip before turning to him. "Roxas--You have a heart, don't you? While Namine and I, we don't really have hearts do we?" You had struggled with that thought for awhile. Wondering if the swirl you felt in your own chest was a direct result of Roxas. _

"_I---I don't know either." You knew he'd say that. _

"_I guess not." Your face fell slightly. You were hoping that if anyone could give you an answer it would be Roxas._

"_But, the heart is not something you can see and I've started wondering if it's something you can't feel either. If so then…" he looked thoughtful sitting next to you and you figured that he had a lot of time to think about it. "Nah, never mind."_

"_What are you getting at?" You raised your eyebrow. _

"_I'm sure Sora will find the answer."_

"Xemnas wants to see you. He requested that I come find you." Saix's voice was low, irritation seeping in just slightly though Axel could tell that he was trying to quell it quickly.

"I don't care."

"You're a fool to think that Roxas is out there somewhere. He's fully integrated into Sor--"

"I know." Axels words were sharp and his mossy eyes regarded the silver-haired man scanning him and chewing on the inside of his cheek before speaking again. "I don't care about any of that. There are things I need to figure out."

"There is nothing left to figure out except the punishment for your foolishness." Saix pulled Axel backward by the wrist while his other arm was held back as the Sixth member of the organization wrapped a strong arm around his torso. "Don't make me do something drastic."

Axel took a step back carefully pulling himself away from Saix. "What the hell are you trying to do," his lip pulled back in a sneer.

Saix's grip tightened around his wrist, but there was something different in his touch suddenly and Axel took another step away. "Axel," the Organization member's voice was softer, but his tone was laced with a familiar coldness; a force that made the redhead freeze.

"You can't look me in the eye," Saix took his chin; gold eyes leering at him. Axel stared at the floor, breath quickening and pursed his lips together, determined not to say anything he didn't want to. "And tell me you don't want to be here with me in the Organization," Saix continued. His gaze narrowed and Axel's eyes glanced upwards, quickly falling back to the ground.

In Axel's silence, Saix released his chin and grabbed his neck roughly, pulling Axel's face inches away from his own, skinny fingers digging into the redhead's skin. "What more could you possibly want?" he demanded, voice icy, something dangerous building in his tone.

"Just…I just want…" Axel struggled to think straight, the words clinging in his throat, choking either from them or Saix's grip; unable to look away from his amber gaze. "I just want to know what's going on."

Saix's finger trailed thoughtfully along Axel's cheek, his other hand still clasped on his throat. "Why Axel?" he murmured softly, drawing the words out. His fingernail dragged gently against the redhead's teardrop marks, snagging almost painfully on his skin. "Why do you need anyone else?"

Axel swallowed thickly, wishing he could think straight, and tried to force an answer from his lips, but he found himself staring wistfully at Saix's forehead; the prominent slashes, like an ancient wound never healed and still festering.

"You're nothing but liars! Xemnas is pulling one over on all of us and you know it!" He didn't know where the words had come from suddenly but they had tumbled willingly as he tried to jerk his eyes away from that almost perfectly etched x.

Saix almost snorted, short laugh falling tersely on his ears. "Did _he_ tell you that? Since when have you trusted a mortal's words over a fellow nobody's?" The man's fingers squeezed harder against his throat. "I'm surprised at you I thought your loyalties to the Organization ran deeper then this."

Loyal or not Axel knew when someone was toying with him. Xemnas was using them all and it hadn't taken more then Roxas's so called defection to figure that out. Talking to Cloud had nothing to do with how he felt about their leader. The blond didn't even know of the inner workings of the Organization. The red-head knew the repercussions that would have and he was more sensible then Saix seemed to give him credit for.

"I'm not an idiot. I know what he plans on doing with the hearts. That he doesn't know what will really happen when he unlocks Kingdom Hearts." Axel remembered that Xemnas always liked to hold himself between the darkness and the light**; **That all nobodies were devoid of evil or good impulses because they were incapable of feeling those emotions. So therefore, they were the best ones to handle a power as great as Kingdom Hearts. But Axel knew he was power hungry. He could see it in Xemnas's swirling amber irises as sure as he could feel himself shrink in Saix's presence now. The men were similar but at the same time held a completely different air. Xemnas wanted a heart but was naïve about its true nature. Obsessed with the boy that wielded the key blade and the power it had to unlock hearts. Saix though was cool and collected, followed orders to a tee and spoke of loyalty to the Superior above all else. It dug at the red head because he could tell that just the below the surface and that eerily calm exterior their lurked a beast… and he wondered from time to time if anyone else could see it.

"You know nothing save for what you've been told Axel. Don't kid yourself into thinking that you have any idea about Xemnas's plans." Saix looked pensive for a moment before pressing the red head to him fully and hissing coolly in his ear. "Your job is to follow orders. Since when is that such a hard concept for you to grasp?"

Axels body felt tight against the silver haired mans and he bit his lip to stop his mouth from curling into a sneer and a new question crept into his mind. "What are you planning to do Saix? Why are you trying so hard to keep me in line?" The man had always had invested interest in the things he was doing and he had always gotten most of his orders not from the Superior but from Saix. For some reason this was the first time it had clicked in his brain. From the moment he had met the man he had seemed over bearing. It seemed as if he had special control over him. Axel was not stupid but this truly was the first time that it had really dawned on him.

"You should know better then ask me that Axel. You have to realize that you can only run for so long. You're a nobody. You belong in the Organization."

It sounded more like Saix was trying to convince himself rather then persuade Axel and something felt odd about the moment suddenly, a creeping familiarity between them.

"I know what I am. You don't need to remind me." Saix kept his eyes steady, scanning Axel before he laughed.

"Good." He pushed the red head backward before brushing off his jacket. "I'd advise you to return to see Xemnas and not to come back here again. That man has nothing to offer you but lies and deceit. He's already tainted you."

Axel narrowed his eyes sharply. It was funny how Saix thought that Cloud was the one that was making him betray the Organization when really he'd been leaning toward it for a long time. Ever since Xaldin had demanded that he get rid of Roxas.

"_Get rid of him?" Your eyes sprung wide at Xaldin's suggestion on how to deal with what the boy had done. _

"_Wait a second! Isn't it a bit early for that!?" Your tone was dangerously loud and even though you couldn't see his face you knew that behind the hood Saix was glaring disapprovingly. _

"_It's an order. Why are you hesitating?" The black haired nobody's voice was low. "Aren't you the one who dealt swift merciless judgment to those who turned their backs on the Organization?" _

"_But he hasn't turned his back on us!" Your voice was starting to sound panicked and you tried to quell it quickly. "He's just not able to come back yet!" __y__ou weren't sure what you were saying. Why you were defending someone the left you here all alone in this god forsaken place? But, you were doing it regardless. _

"_If he doesn't come back then he must pay the price." Xaldin lowered his weapon. "If you oppose these orders, you will be the one to pay." And before you even had a chance to flinch his lance was planted firmly in the chair next to you. You narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms. He'd have to do more then that to intimidate you. _

_Xemnas raised his hand then and with a burst of light the spear was gone and floating just above his outstretched hand. _

"_Use the dusks." You spat out in frustration but Xemnas didn't seem fazed and didn't accept the answer you'd just given. He wanted you to go after Roxas to make sure the job got done._

"_Fine, I got it!" you moved your eyes to the side before biting your lip and sneering at Xemnas. "I'll do it." _

Cloud, for how crazy he seemed about most things was the only anchor he had when he felt like he was lost in the tangle of memories that had started to show themselves. There were questions he had. Ones about if other nobodies went through the same things. To bad that there was no one he could ask. Cloud had been on the verge of the psychotic break when he's seen him last. Not to mention that he demanded that he leave, screaming bloody murder at him about how he was going to snap so he was out of the question. And Siax, well he couldn't ask the man anything without being interrogated about it and he just wasn't in the mood.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't you have a superior to go kiss up to?" Axel laughed as he watched Saix's scar crinkle.

"You show an incredible about of stupidity for the position your in. I don't think you really understand the graveness of your situation."

And really Axel knew that he was throwing everything back in Saix's face but what else could he do besides continue being the rebellious spirit that the man knew him to be even though he was quaking inside, blanking out about what to do and where to go. The things he was experiencing were confusing and half of him was determined to keep them at bay but the other half was willing to embrace them, find where they lead and give up on letting the Organization run his life. But that was partly the problem. The Organization didn't just run his life…it was his life. And he didn't know how to abandon that without giving up a part of who he thought he was.

He needed to take back control. Decide what he wanted or needed to do on his own without feeling like he was being ripped in half. He needed a friend, someone to talk to and confide in, in all the ways that ways that he was there for Roxas when he needed to talk with someone.

Roxas…he needed Roxas and there was only one foreseeable way that he could talk to the blond. If he could even reach him. It was then that the idea began to creep into his head. While the Organization had adopted Roxas there had been another nobody that had been created at the same time as the blond.

_Kairi. _The name hit him like a brick wall. Sora may not have been Roxas but his friend was still buried somewhere deep inside.

Axel cracked a genuine smile for what felt like the first time in ages. He may have not had the most honorable intentions in mind but since when was anything he did really _that _honorable.

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Shooting aches went up Clouds legs as he ran, boots clomping against the cobblestone road. 'Axel' the name kept him running, kept his adrenaline pumping through his veins and the tiny bit of mako left in his body surge**. **Aerith's seal was breaking and darkness was seeping in but he couldn't stop, couldn't afford to let his thoughts focus on anything but what he needed to find, needed to block out so he could finally have a chance…a real chance to explain himself to Axel. He half regretted screaming at the red-head but at the same time he'd had a terrible feeling about what might have happened had he not issued that warning.

"_Your fault Strife. You have no one to blame but yourself." _

Cloud bit his tongue keeping his thoughts forward in some desperate attempt to shove the ex-general's consciousness to the very back of his brain.

"_I can't believe how foolish you are. Running away from power and clinging to your weakness. I'm only trying to help you." _

'_Just ignore it. He can't trip you up if you ignore him.'_

Sephiroths low chuckle just leaked through him.

"_Ignore me? How can you possibly do that? Even if you refuse to acknowledge that I'm here I will always be with you. I am a part you of." _

The toll on Cloud's mind and body was become too much and he slowed his pace. His body heaved forward, hands grasping at a scratchy wall. The constant thrum of another's consciousness within his had not only weakened his mind but his body as well.

"Get out of my head!" The blond growled roughly and braced himself against the wall. He scraped his head against the stone, thankful for a moment that his vision glazed over and his mind stopped focusing on Sephiroth if only for a moment.

"_Now, now. You know that won't achieve anything. Smashing your skull in will only mar that beautiful body of yours." _

Shivers and goosebumps alike ran down the blonds entire body. Blood dripping from the torn skin on his forehead.

"I'm not you! I will never be you!"

The ex-soldier knew that there was no rational thought in Sephiroth's mind. Jenova had tainted the man long, long ago. Cloud knew all that would await him if he embraced the darkness would be a life of despair. He would be Sephiroths puppet, no more, no less. His free will would be stripped from him and any light within would be smothered completely.

Axel would fall into darkness as well, hunted by that man with silver hair, who gave him the most peculiar pang in his gut. The ex-soldier had wondered about that, wondered why…Saix seemed to be stalking the red-head.

Cloud could feel his fingers twitching as Sephiroth tried to get his attention by probing deep into his mind. "_Stop being a fool." _The one-winged angel's voice was teetering on calm and livid.

"_I have too much to live for to plunge myself into darkness with you Sephiroth." _He did his best to push his uneasiness down.

"_You chase ghosts and call it hope. Don't delude yourself." _

Cloud's heart beat faster in his chest suddenly. Sephiroth's words hit a nerve. He sounded like Leon. Said the words that the man spat when they had their first argument about Reno.

"So you chase after ghosts in the middle of the night?" Leon's voice was that unwavering monotone and you felt uneasy about the way that the brunette was placing kisses against your neck and mixing your past and present.

"_What?" You almost squeaked out. _

"_You went out again last night. I felt you leave." Another kiss against your neck and you shivered. "Did you find what you were looking for?" Warmth pressed against your chest and you looked down to see familiar shaggy hair tracing your bare skin, lips ravishing your collar bone. _

_What kind of question was that? Your mind raced like you'd been found out, as if Leon hadn't known that you'd been leaving after you made love. How could he not have? _

"_You know why I leave." You tried to stifle a moan as Leon took one of your nipples into his mouth, biting it slightly. _

"_And I asked you if you found what you were looking for?" You didn't know what the ex-SeeD was getting at, what the man wanted to hear. Maybe he wanted you to tell him no and that you had given up and no longer wanted to go look. _

_But Leon should've known better then to think that. Reno would never be out of your blood. His ghost had haunted you ever since you'd had been saved from the coliseum. _

_You hated to think it but part of you wished that you had never been rescued from that place. At least there you'd had a purpose. These day's you really weren't sure what you was supposed to be doing. _

_Your mouth twisted as some sort of pleasured moan pushed past your lips Leon's tongue working like he was desperate for you to just stop thinking and let the pleasure he was offering you haze your mind. _

"_He's dead Cloud. He's not coming back." Leon placed a haphazard kiss on your cheek and something inside of you suddenly snapped. _

"_Fuck you." You pushed Leon backward and narrowed your eyes. You can feel the last traces of mako in your system hiss in your veins and suddenly you have the overwhelming urge to rip the brunette in front of you apart. _

_Leon's eyes turned icy at that but instead of apologizing you only glared back. _

"_God dammit Cloud!" His fists clench tightly and you can see the scar between his eyes twitch. _

"_You just don't get it do you?" _

"_What's there to get? You're in love with a dead man. It's as simple as that." _

_There was no other word other then outrage that could explain what you were feeling right now and if you'd known more about it then you'd have thrown his past back in his face as well. Your hand shook as you tried to quell your anger but it didn't work. Your fist shot out like lightening and you landed a hit right to Leon's jaw. _

His fist ached as he remembered punching Leon with a frightening realness.

"_He deserved it Cloud. Why do you think that I tried earlier to get rid of that annoying little brat." _

"You don't know anything about Squall and I." Cloud spat trying to keep his voice low.

"_Don't I though?" _Sephiroths voice took on an arrogant tone. "_You used the boy merely as a distraction from your pain. If a release was all you required Cloud you didn't have to lower yourself to such a level." _

"What are you implying?"

"_You know exactly what I'm talking about puppet. I know your thoughts of me have not strayed from your mind." _It was all said in a deceptively soft tone and Cloud could almost feel Sephiroth's hands tracing up his arms and smooth fingers sliding along his jaw.

The ex-soldier's mind suddenly felt cluttered, twisted and tied in knots. As much as those thoughts made his stomach churn with nausea Sephiroth's words held some truth. There had been a time in his life when he had held more then admiration for the ex-general but that had been a long time ago. And a terribly one sided affection for Sephiroth back then in no way translated into love, lust or whatever the hell the man was trying to twist it into now.

"_Oh Cloud. It breaks my heart when you think so ill of me. What would your beloved Zack say if he could see you slumming around with the likes of that Turk and that boy you call a warrior." _

"Don't you even!" Cloud's anger was building and he could do little to push it down. The silver haired man was attempting to defile one of the most important people he had even known and it tugged on an extremely raw nerve.

"_I don't think you are in any position to be giving orders." _Sephiroth's aura felt like tendrils snaking around his limbs. Cloud's head snapped back, teeth gritting together as the chilliness sunk in. He hadn't realized it before but he had wandered into the market place. There were people milling about, children playing…all oblivious to the danger they had just been plunged into by his mere presence. He probably looked shaken and pale, his forehead stained with blood and he found himself absently wiping at it with his forearm as he propped himself up against a dank concrete wall.

"Stop this. These people---" The ex-soldier didn't want to say it but he could feel Sephiroth's slow smirk.

"_They are filth." _The one winged angle hissed. "_But, perfection stands among them. These mortals will fall Cloud. There is nothing you can do about it." _

He had visions then, visions of himself bathed in these peoples blood, Sephiroth standing at his side.

"No." He choked and had to bite back angry tears.

"_Do I have to give you a demonstration Cloud? Do you need to see how powerless you really are?"_

Cloud felt something familiar and terrible scream in his veins and he then felt his hand jerk up of it's own accord.

The last thing he wanted was a repeat of what had happened out at the Fissure with Leon . He hadn't know then that Sephiroth's presence had been so that it could warp his mind in the inky darkness but it was there and now with no one to snap him out of it his sheer will power and strength would have to be enough---even though he knew it wouldn't be.

"_You'll like this. I promise." _

The blond tried frantically to control his twitching hand but soon his other joined in, grasping his belt and slowly unfastening the buckle.

"_Sephiroth!" _He screamed in his head, heart starting to race as he put the pieces together and realized what the man was using his control over him to do.

His other hand jerked to life again, tugging away his belt and going for the buttons and the zipper on his pants. He wanted to run but as that thought raced through his brain his body went ridged and he knew that Sephiroth had taken away that possibility.

"_You chose to resist me Cloud. Now you will have to accept your punishment."_ Another smooth chuckle. "_Although I can hardly think of this as a punishment."_

Cloud knitted his mouth together as his hands dipped lower and his pants started to fall from his hips.

_Not in public, not in public, not in public. Please stop!_

Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes as he tried with all he was to pull his hands back up.

"_Tsk tsk puppet. Don't you want me to make you feel good?" _

His betraying fingers traced lightly over the sensitive flesh underneath his boxers, some odd pleasure spiking through him. He could feel his cock twitch to life as his unwitting hand stroked his hardening manhood and the other started tugging down his boxers.

"_I don't want this. Stop!" _

He wanted to scream it, wanted someone to come to _his_ rescue but Aeris's seal had broken and anyone that managed to get close enough would only have a front row ticket to his humiliation.

Boxers were tugged quickly down, the waistband snapping against his pale legs. Cloud didn't want to look down, didn't want to see his own fingers teetering along his swollen flesh. His heart felt like lead as it thudded heavily in his chest. Callused fingers played with the tip and the blond clamped down in his bottom lip to stifle the heavily strangled moan that crawled out of his throat.

"Your body is telling me the truth. Look how hard you are at the mere thought of me using your body like this."

This was wrong, Sephiroth was wrong….he had to be. He almost choked as his hand gave his length one thick stroke and then another.

"Gods…" Cloud's voice shook and he tried to rip his eyes away from the terrible sight. If he shut his eyes, tried to block the world out maybe he could attempt to break Sephiroth's control over him. He let his eyes flutter shut feeling as warm tears dripped down his cheeks. Sadistic laughter began to fill his ears and his hand speed up, sparks of nauseating pleasure racing up his spine.

"Cloud?! What the hell?" The blond's sapphires flew open when he heard that voice. That wonderfully surprised, irritated, and amazing voice.

"Squall!" He was standing awkwardly now, knees trembling even though his legs refused to move. Sephiroth was surprised at the brunette's arrival but Cloud's hand continued to stroke anyway.

"What…" Cloud could hear the words die on the mans lips as he put two and two together. Despite the fights, anger, and misconstrued feelings Squall was here and he was something real he could anchor himself to.

"Sephiroth…" The ex-soldier could barely get the name past his lips as he felt the control around him tighten.

"Where is he!?" Leon was quick to draw his gunblade body tensed and ready for any impending attack.

"He's not here," Cloud's voice took on a higher tone as his fingers wrapped around his cock, almost as if Sephiroth was trying to milk the moans for him. He could feel his cock drip and Leon's eyes wander.

"What do you want me to do?" Leon asked, voice strained as he tried to push down the hungry feeling that was threatening to bubble as he watched Cloud touch himself.

Was he getting turned on by this?

"Help me." Cloud gasped. "Please just do _something_." The blond didn't really know what he was asking Squall to do…all he knew was that he didn't want Sephiroth to be in control anymore. Before Cloud knew what was happening Leon was standing in front of him, eyes locked with his, jaw set and mouth steeled into a neutral line.

"Here," He said simply, voice low. The ex-soldiers eyes widened when he felt another warm and callused hand grip his aching manhood.

"What—what are you doing!?"

"You don't want him to touch you right?" Leon's voice was low, steel eyes shining. "So I will."

Cloud trembled as the ex-SeeD's hand joined his in an awkward yet steady rhythm. He wanted the believe in the words that the man had just said, let go and just get this over with but this somehow felt dirtier now…and Sephiroth…Sephiroth was chuckling ever so lightly in his head.

His lips quivered as Leon's thumb swiped over the tip and his entire body lurched forward.

"_Not the outcome I had planned but I know you're enjoying this Cloud." _Another swipe over the head and Cloud knew he was coming close. "_I could make him beg at your feet if you wish it puppet. Make him beg to have your come in his mouth." _

The blonde tried to rasp something out but all that came out was a whimper and a growl. He wanted to find comfort in the fact that Leon was next to him, trying to erase the nauseating unease that was swallowing him whole but he couldn't. If his legs hadnt been rooted to the ground that they probably would've buckled by now.

"Cloud please." He felt Leon's hand on the back of his neck suddenly, fingers brushing thorough the damp hairs there. "Focus on me…not him." More tears escaped his eyes as the brunette's words sank in. His own hand gripped his cock tighter heat dipping from his gut to his pelvis and then enveloping his manhood. Cloud squeezed his eyes shut as pleasure slammed into him, his cock twitching as he finally let go. A thick stream of white shot out of him and he gasped loudly, his essence spilling out all over the cobblestone street.

"_Now was that so hard."_ The ex-soldier felt strong arms encircle his waist and hot breath ghost over his ear even though nothing was really there…no one but he and Leon. "I'll see you soon puppet and then, I will be able to touch your beautiful body for myself." And then just like that Sephiroth's presence faded into the smallest corner of his mind. He stood still for a moment his eyes wide before his knees finally gave. Cloud curled in on himself instantly and the tears started to flow like an incredible wave of grief washing over him.

"Shh." Leon whispered into his sweat soaked spikes, tugging his pants up to cover him while he wrapped his arms around the blonde's trembling body. "He's gone now. You're going to be ok."

The brunettes words were meant to be warm but Cloud could feel nothing from them. His heart felt cold. The man's words were nothing but a façade. Sephiroth wasn't gone…he would never be gone. The man wouldn't stop until he sucked Cloud in to the infinite black hole of darkness where he resided.


	9. Old Ghosts

Oh god am I sorry that this took so long! I couldn't get the right feel for the beginning and then I needed a good place to start the flashback which also took me ages. Excuses, excuses right? Alright a few things before you read. The you in the second person is Reno and this flashback starts a few months after the last one that was in one of the previous chapters. Thats pretty much it. Thanks to everyone that reads and the reviews. Please and thank you.

**Old Ghosts **

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The drops of rain were large and Cloud could tell just by glancing outside of the window that it was freezing cold. It was a wonder that the drops hadn't turned to snow already but just thinking about it Cloud wasn't sure that it ever did snow here…at least that he had seen. And even though he had seen rain, seen snow, seen the most beautiful sunsets and the most polluted skies but…all it ever seemed to do here was rain. Or at least…that's what the last two days had felt like. He had done his fair share of wandering out in it but Aerith had come and got him despite telling her that it was okay. The blond didn't know what to do…not with Leon upstairs and Aerith keeping him from going. She knew something was wrong…had even sensed that Sephiroth was involved but that was as far as he was going to let her go and honestly Cloud didn't know how to deal with what had happened either.

"I see the way you look at him," Her voice floated into Cloud's ears but he didn't make a move to tear himself away from the window. "Whatever he did. I can see that he did it to protect you." Cloud knew that somewhere deep down too but something in his mind just couldn't drop it. It was probably Sephiroth's fault. Everything was. There was a clink of china and the smell of chamomile tea wafted into his nose now.

"You didn't have to make me tea." He moved a little now, his sapphire eyes meeting her gentle green ones.

"I didn't have to but I did." Was her only reply as she pushed it toward him again. He really had no choice but to take it, the chamomile blossoms floating to the top as he tried not to let his shaking hands give away exactly how unstable he felt. Aerith couldn't not see it though and thoughtfully put it on the window sill.

"I know what happened must have been bad but it cou--"

"Just stop." Cloud mumbled before he turned back to the window. He was being unfair and he knew it but how was he supposed to explain any of this? It would be hard enough to tell anyone about Sephiroth and Squall let alone what he knew about Reno now. If he didn't already know what it felt like to loose his mind he would have figured that this was what it felt like. Being pulled in so many directions is was hard to tell where to go let alone what was right. Yes, he was being unfair but he didn't want to talk about it with anyone. What the hell could he say?

His gut told him that nothing he could verbalize in words was anything worth uttering and that Aeris deserved more from him then a bunch of excuses as to why Squall had locked himself up in his room and he had been doing nothing but wandering around the Bastion.

"Is this about--that nobody that was at merlins?" The brunette tried, wanting to at least get Cloud to open up about something and stop hording everything inside of himself.

"I think you already know the answer to that." Cloud actually guaranteed it but he didn't need someone else to tell him that he was chasing ghosts. Especially when he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Axel was Reno…or at least had been. Some part of his brain told him that this revelation might have been the reason that Sephiroth had resurfaced but he couldn't be sure. Sephiroth didn't need a reason to torment him.

There were a few moments of silence before Cloud looked behind him to see that Aeris was gone. He would have to go apologize…but he couldn't right now. The only thing his mind kept drifting to was the feeling of lost control, the hopelessness that had first plagued him when he arrived at the coliseum. In a way not being able to stop Sephiroth felt like loosing Reno all over again…watching him slip away in his arms. Starting over together was supposed to be regaining that control…for the both of them but instead it had just slipped away all over again.

You shut the door quietly behind you, careful that the latch clicks softly; taking slow steps away from it, hoping Cloud is still asleep.

"Reno?"

No such luck.

"Hey," you glance into the kitchen, barely making out Cloud's form in the dark room. The windows are open in a futile attempt to catch a breeze to break up the hot night air. "I'm going to sleep." You turn from him and try to make your way upstairs until you feel his fingers tighten against your wrist. You take a deep breath to bite back the words that want to tumble from your lips.

"Where were you," his voice isn't judging you, but somehow that quiet concern always manages to piss you off. You wheel around, your wrist still locked in his grasp, exasperation written all over your face.

"Just out for a stroll, _mom_," you hiss the last word, irritated that he was still awake, wishing he wouldn't ask you and angry at his worry. "Why do you care?"

"You're all wet," Cloud's voice is thoughtful and he strokes your shirt with a light touch.

"I said," you draw back, pulling your body away from his as much as possible. "Why do you care?"

"Someone has to, Reno."

God damn you _hate_ when he says things like that.

"Yeah yeah," you sneer. "Cause I can't look after myself." You pull your wrist from his hand and spin on your heel to head upstairs.

He's following you. He always follows you.

Halfway up the stairs, you can't handle his quiet footsteps anymore and you stop short, refusing to face him.

"Tell me again why you seem to think I can't take care of myself," you ask, that dangerous adrenaline starting to eek into your veins.

"Reno…"

"Tell me why the _fuck_ you think you're better than me Cloud," you spin to yell in his face. You're a few steps higher, and you relish being the taller one for once, the one in control.

"Calm down…"

"Fuck off Cloud, alright?" It doesn't matter what he's trying to say to you, if he's trying to answer your questions or calm you down. You're ready for a fight now, the bitter adrenaline is pumping through your body and you don't care if you're right or wrong or just screaming in his face.

And that's when Cloud breaks.

He turns and you watch his back as it goes downstairs, disappearing around the corner into the darkness. He ignores you as he goes, your words echoing around you, lonely and pathetic.

Part of your training as a Turk was the ability to read people, to know when they were full of shit, when they'd really told you everything and what their next move was going to be. You've used it on Cloud like you've used it on everyone: how else would you be able to push people to their limit and stop at just the right moment?

You wait, knowing he'll come back. They always come back. You cross your arms and expect to hear his footsteps again, knowing he'll come back swinging. They always do.

Nothing.

He's the hero type, ready to pile your burdens on his own, even though you can both see his back breaking. He doesn't need someone like you in his life though, the fucked up type, and as much as you appreciate him letting you stay here recently, and as much as you know it's fulfilling the need to rescue that he craves as much as you crave your own destruction, you know its wearing him down.

Part of you wants to go tearing down there, screaming and yelling, just so he'll shut you up. That's always been your way, and you crave that angry climax more than anything.

Another time, maybe, you decide as the energy suddenly evaporates out of you.

You go into the bathroom instead, locking the door behind you and kicking off your filthy clothes. You ignore the face in the mirror and step into the shower, turning the water scalding hot and letting it burn.

You're so tired.

The events of the past day replay in your mind, a slideshow you don't want to relive.

Rude's words hang in your mind as your fingers run soapy water through your hair. He's never lied to you before, but you still don't know if you can trust what he told you.

_Reno? The deep voice behind you had sent a shudder down your spine, drawing you from the sweet taste of tobacco on your lips. You'd swiveled slowly, one hand dropping the newspaper you'd been toying with on the cart and the other gracefully pulling the cigarette from your mouth to face the owner of that voice._

_His mouth twitched when you turned; its hard to mistake you for anyone else even from behind, with your long red hair and lanky form, but you know him well enough to see his heart jump when he realizes it is actually you standing there._

_What's up? Your voice had been impassive, bored; you wanted to grin and throw your arms around him but you steeled yourself against it, blowing a ring of smoke next to his shoulder, your face twisting into a smirk instead._

_He stared at you, never much of one for words and your smirk had widened as you patted his shoulder, thankful you'd bathed and eaten today, hoping you looked less scrawny, less tortured than the last time he'd seen you. Most of you wants to bolt out of there; disappearing in the streets and fleeing the scene in your typical fashion, but part of you is intrigued, part of you misses him, and mostly, part of you wants to keep your dignity intact if at all possible._

_So when he doesn't answer, you ask another question. _

_Want some coffee? _

_And simple as that, you're walking the streets of Midgar with your old partner. You almost feel invincible again._

But that feeling certainly hadn't lasted, you think ruefully, scrubbing your hair with shampoo.

_He's alive, Rude had told you point blank as the server left, his voice no more emotional than a moment ago when he'd ordered his coffee and a sandwich. _

_You froze, body in limbo between fidgeting and nervous habits. Why the fuck don't they allow smoking in here anymore, you laughed, fingering with your pack of cigarettes, eyes darting meaninglessly around the restaurant. _

_Rude had sat back against the cheap plastic of the booth, the soft squeak seeming loud to your ears as he crossed his arms and waited for you to reply with something worth listening to._

_Fuck, I mean, if I want a god damn cigarette who are they to stop me? You're still rambling, avoiding those two words the only way you know how. _

_When he still doesn't answer after a pause, you fling your fist against the table, exasperation leaking into your voice._

_What the fuck do you mean he's _alive_, Rude. He smiles slightly, one eyebrow inching up. Probably amused by your reaction; probably thinking you never change._

_Then the server's back and handing you small white mugs, setting the pot on the table, packets of sugar flutter from her hand, her nervous voice apologizes and you wave her away, intent on the exchange over the table. _

_Suddenly, it's like you never took that suit off. Suddenly, it all rushes back, and you're not just Reno- a nobody- you're a Turk and for the first time in weeks, you're deeply happy that you got out of bed today._

_Maybe some things don't ever change. _

_  
_

Your fist hits the tiled wall, cheap plaster crumbling into the tub and you halfheartedly sigh at it, rubbing your cracked knuckles, wishing you could take all your frustrations out on the cracks in the plaster, realizing you don't want to ruin Cloud's wall, and wondering why you care.

At this point you have to start rubbing your temples because a fierce headache is starting to come on and you shut your eyes. You still don't know what to do.

You should meet Rude tomorrow.

No.

You can't do that to Cloud.

But he's never lied to you before…

Rude's been your best friend for as long as you can remember- you don't like to think about life before Shinra- and he's seen you through more than anyone else. He was the one to drag your incoherent ass home from the bar night after night, to cover for you when you were late to work, and he saved your life more than a few times. He was more than a friend. He was your partner through all the good times and all the bad. It was his quiet strength that you had turned to so many times when you didn't know where else to go, when you were so worked up over Rufus, always trailing him like the beaten, lovesick puppy you both know you are.

As the water runs down your body and your thoughts toy with you, pulling you back and forth, you can only decide one thing. It's so much easier to get through life when no one minds if you live or die. It's when they care that things get fucked up.

Cloud is still awake when you prowl down the stairs driven by late-night hunger pains and you regard him with a cool stare, ready for his anger, hoping for a cold look from those blue eyes in return. When he ignores you, taking another bite of his sandwich, elbows on the table, eyes staring blankly at the wall, you lean against the doorway and consider your options.

You could slide the other chair across the linoleum with a squeak and slip into it, lips curving upwards as you do, some sarcastic remark dripping out like you don't give a shit. You could let that adrenaline pump through your veins again and launch right back into your anger. You could wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull out your softest, most sincere voice, promising him that you were sorry, apologizing with your tongue against his skin, the only way you know how.

You _do_ feel sorry for what you did to his wall, hell you even feel kind of sorry for reacting the way you did when you came home tonight…and something about how he looks, sitting there in the dusty light of the hot kitchen makes your stomach tingle.

But before you can do anything, he looks up, and those glowing blue eyes are all at once exactly and nothing like Rufus'.

"I put a crack in the bathroom wall," you tell him for some reason, not really apologizing, still hoping for some kind of reaction to come out of him.

He shrugs, eyes still vacantly on the wall, chews slowly and swallows. "You can still sit down and eat something." Like he's forgiving you; like the perfect hero he always is.

You have all the same options - sarcastic remarks, anger or false apologies – but you keep your mouth clamped shut when you sit down and grab the other half of his sandwich.

You always found it strange that Cloud lived here, in this rundown shack of a house, alone in the slums. You'd imagined he'd have an entourage of his Avalanche groupies following him everywhere after what he did for the planet, or at least Tifa to warm his bed and cook his meals with her hero-worshipping fervor.

You'd asked him about it right away, always inappropriate and blunt, and he'd shrugged, mumbling something about needing time alone. Instantly you'd understood, after all you'd run away as well, severing the ties with everyone and disappearing, just as he did, into the darkness of Midgar. You were both ruined men, in a sense. You, without your company and he, without a planet to save.

"The slums have been crazy recently," Cloud says, conversationally, in the silence that follows, cutting into your thoughts. "And-"

You drop the sandwich back on the plate in overdramatic exasperation, hands flying into the air. "I _told_ you Cloud, it's none of your fucking business where I went!"

He doesn't miss a beat, completely ignoring your outburst. "-someone shot at me today."

Your eyes flick back to Cloud, fingers landing on the table. "…what?"

He shrugs. "It's been happening for awhile now," like it doesn't matter.

"What the hell are you talking about Cloud," you demand, something like guilt flooding your stomach. "You don't have any enemies."

He glances at you, an unsure look in his eyes and the oddness of that statement going from you to him settles in your mind. His mouth twists into the slightest of smiles as the guilt deepens in your gut; a thought trying to seep into your head that you refuse to entertain. Rude's words hang in your mind: _He's alive…_

"You know who it was?" You demand, the fear building in your stomach, sure he's going to name off your old business associates and you scratch at the tattoo on your cheekbone, swallowing thickly.

But Cloud shakes his head. "It was from a rooftop, I couldn't see anything."

You're relieved. Maybe?

You drum your fingers on the table, an incessant noise in the awkward silence, the next logical question that begs to be answered:

"How long has this been happening?"

He doesn't answer and your fingers drum faster.

"How long," your voice is tense. "Has this been happening?"

He glances up and back down before answering. "Since you showed up on my doorstep."

You bite back the initial reaction- _oh so it's my fault some asshole wants you dead?- _and pause in an uncharacteristic moment of thoughtful silence. There's obviously something going on here, you think, considering Cloud across the table, who is continuing his silent meal. There must be a connection between everything that's happened in the past couple of days, and you feel like there is more Cloud isn't telling you.

Same three options, you think with a wry grin, and you choose the last one- your favorite.

In one fluid motion you slink behind him before he can even register that you've gotten out of your chair. Your hand snakes its way along the back of Cloud's neck, feeling every individual hair respond, lifting just slightly against your even slighter fingertips. He's frozen under your touch, breath coming just slightly faster, suddenly loud in the deafening silence.

You've felt desire before, but lustful thoughts are easily buried beneath duty and work. You may feel desire for what someone might do to your body- the pain they might inflict or their rough hands against your skin; you have experienced the shameful, painful and utopic feeling of another man inside your body- but never have you felt the simple desire of skin on skin, just for the sake of being close.

Your hand finds its way up the back of his neck, fingers trailing lightly across his skin; you know you're clogging his throat with every inch they wander until he cannot speak at all. They find his jaw line, the spot directly below his ear. His mouth opens just slightly, uselessly, and shuts again; you know the thoughts he's having and you know he's incapable of voicing them, so you don't stop.

His skin is virgin to your touch, but your fingers follow familiar paths. One man's body is not so different than others, and you know where to apply pressure, where to stroke gently and how to let out just the right sigh at just the right moment.

You open your mouth to ask him an onslaught of whispered questions, but your lips are lost in that sigh and no words come out. You catch a breath of his scent instead, the mix of faint sweat and soap makes you feel heady.

Your fingers snake along his jaw line instead, a thumb against his pierced ear lobe. You lean just slightly closer, an unnoticeable inch any other time, but it presses your lean body against his just a fraction more. You know that touch lights against his skin like fire, and you know he'd sag against your body if he wasn't so surprised and frozen.

You should try again. He's lost under your touch and you could probably get him to tell you anything the way things are going. You should try again. And yet…

Your breath is faint in his ear as your thumb and forefinger massage the lobe, running smoothly against his earring, paying it special attention. Your other hand finds its way to the other side of his neck, smooth palm against warm skin, chest pressed into his side, your warm breath hot and maddening in his ear.

It's at that moment that you realize you don't know where you're going with this. You need to start asking questions, but the words can't get out of your throat.

You hesitate.

And in that hesitation, Cloud comes to life, turning his face to meet yours, so maddeningly close, and instantly you feel surprise in your eyes. He wasn't supposed to turn his head. Rufus might have wrapped his fingers in your hair, might have forced your head down, might have pushed you away so you could crawl back, but he wouldn't have turned his head.

Cloud's blue eyes consider you for the briefest of seconds before his lashes fall and his chin tilts left and his lips are on yours before you have the chance to shut your eyes. His tongue is soft, gently pushing its way into your mouth, his body eager; you can feel lust seeping off him, and you wonder in an offhand way if this is what its like to desire someone's body against yours.

You start to pull away, eyes still open; his body is too much like Rufus' and at the same time, you've never touched anything like it. He feels your hesitation, and those blue eyes pop back open, suddenly looking nothing like the all-powerful hero. He looks scared, like he just registered what he did, and in that fear, your heart suddenly overflows and you sink forward against him, arms falling sloppily around his neck, almost falling against his hips. Your teeth hungrily bite against his lip, and you start to slide into his lap but his hands hold you back as he stands up, pushing the chair against the linoleum with a squeak.

Your back straightens as his does, mouths still insatiably together, as you feel the edge of the table against your hips and you let yourself fall back against it. Dishes clatter, but your hand grips his shoulder and you pull him down against you as you go.

Its then that you realize – this is what its like to desire someone else's body against yours.

It's difficult to wake up early in the city underneath the Plate and all those years of living in the upper world wear on you as you eek one eye open, and then the other, sure by some Turk internal clock that its morning and you have a job to do.

Heh…already thinking of yourself as a Turk.

You unravel yourself from Cloud, pushing the memories of what happened last night out of your mind, stopping the thoughts before they can materialize and carefully squashing any emotion somewhere deep and dark. It's harder to do than you'd like to admit, as you swing your feet on the floor, soundlessly extracting yourself from your haven. His arm is faintly sweaty when you accidentally brush against it, and you feel an unfamiliar thrill wash through your stomach when you realize it's your own perspiration on his body, and his sweat on your bare chest.

Cloud had barely talked last night, even as you pulled every tactic you knew, playing almost every card you had, until somehow you had ended up in his bed, your fingers playing instead along his body. Something about it had been different and it had kept you up for hours after Cloud was snoring softly on the other side of the bed.

It wasn't until you had finally willed yourself to sleep with the stubbornness of a Turk that it had jolted you awake again: For the first time in your life, this felt right. His tongue against yours, the way his hips had grinded into you, the sound of his name on your lips and the comfort of his sleeping body next to yours. Just to test it, you'd whispered his name under your breath as you watched his chest gently rise and fall. You'd felt stupid as soon as it was out of your mouth, and hoped he hadn't heard, but the same thrill rose in your chest and made every inch of you feel alive.

The lighting is still dim outside- you'd always figured it was one of Shinra's subtleties- harder to get up early when the streetlights are so dark. Rufus had laughed when you told him your theory. Keeps the trash down there less likely to get up early and make more money. He'd clasped your chin in his smooth palm. And none of them are smart enough to figure it out.

You'd flashed him an approving smirk, wishing you could rip that clean, blond hair out of his head.

But as you move through Midgar's deserted streets, you stop thinking. It's been awhile since you've worked, but the familiar habits are coming back easily and you're used to blocking thoughts of Rufus from your mind when you're on the job.

You're early- hoping to grab some coffee and a cigarette before Rude shows up, hoping to look put together and calm- but he's earlier.

It's the same joint as yesterday; same cheap coffee and bleary-eyed waitresses, but everything feels different. There's a tingle in your stomach and a weakness in your knees that you cannot decide to attribute to last night's events or today's anticipation.

You can see Rude through one of the dirty front windows in the same booth as yesterday, and he looks exactly like he always does: same nondescript clothes, same sunglasses, same expression on his face even. _Man, is he consistent_, you shake your head.

He catches your eye as you head for the door, and when you slide into the booth across from him, Rude is already talking, all business.

"Fuck man," you cut him off, trying to grin. "Lemme get something to drink first, alright?" The mood is too dark for you, like the drive to a funeral home or the calm before a storm.

But before you can even grab a menu, Rude has tossed a few gil on the table to pay for his own barely-touched coffee and is leaving the restaurant, and you're forced, sputtering and irritated, to chase after him. You snatch his mug off the table as you go, gulping the bitter black stuff down and yell for him to wait.

You jabber incessantly at Rude as you walk, trailing just behind him, asking him where he's been living, how he's been, barely giving him time to answer in his trademark short sentences.

It's all cover though, and you wonder if he knows you well enough to tell that when you're yammering on is also when your mind is at its most deceptive and thoughtful. You aren't giving any thought to the pointless jokes and conversational questions- all your energy is focused inside. You need every ounce of it to prepare yourself for the possibility of seeing _him_ again; all your yawns and sighs are just charades so you can take deep breaths to keep your head clear.

You've faced a lot of things together, you and Rude: deadly shootouts and torture sessions that still turn your stomach to remember; long nights puzzling over intelligence reports and his constant, silent strength that you have always taken some kind of comfort in-

But with every step you take, you're fighting the rising fear in your stomach, the growing dread and the building suspicion that Rude is leading you somewhere you desperately don't want to be.

"Here," you ask incredulously when Rude stops in front of a rather nondescript, run down house. "He's here?"

The afternoon sun feels hot on your shoulders as Rude gives you a long look and a nod. You uneasily cast your eyes up and down the deserted street. Most of the Upper Plate was destroyed when Meteor fell and those that survived didn't stick around. Without Shinra to power their lives, the slums were dark for a long time and somehow even more depressing. Because so much of the plate was now missing as Midgar slowly crumbled onto itself, light did filter into the Lower World in some lucky alleys and sectors, but you, for one, would rather Midgar was dark. There was plenty down there that needed to stay hidden in the shadows.

Cloud asked you once, on a whim, if you would leave Midgar with him, put this place out of your mind and find a town where skeletons weren't waiting behind every corner, where people lived a more meaningful life, not just waiting to die surrounded by their filth. You had considered it, smiled and said yes, you would love that. But even as you answered, you knew that you could never leave Midgar. The artificial city lights, the poverty, the hatred and the desperation had seeped into you long ago, and you knew you could never fully extract it from your blood.

Rude doesn't answer your question and you can't read any kind of expression behind his shades. You act like you're taking a second glance down the street of the abandoned Upper Plate, but when your face is turned, you take a deep breath and contort your face into its usual smug confidence. Your knees have gone weak; it's as if you're drugged with the fear of not knowing and the simultaneous terror of not wanting to find out.

He's already at the door and you force yourself to walk slowly over, heart beating in your throat, beads of sweat trickling down your neck.

Rude knocks four times, quickly twice and two slow, and the door instantly peeps open, a young woman answering.

"-Elena?" Your voice is incredulous as you shoulder past Rude and stare wide-eyed at the short blond. She glances first at Rude, face composed, before breaking into a grin wider than she has ever graced you with.

"Oh, Reno," she explodes out of the doorway, wrapping her arms around you like you're a lost-lost friend, voice cracking. Your vision swims slightly - probably the heat – as she grips you tightly.

"Hey Laney," you reply weakly to her vibrant display. Suddenly you feel overwhelmed and just want to sit down.

As if on cue, Elena pulls herself away, and grins up at you, beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. "Come inside, Reno," she urges, as if you're a new friend who's come over to play. Your head hurts too much to think straight; the sun beaming down is suddenly buzzing in your ear and you follow her lead inside.

A blast of cold air assaults your senses as you step through the door and you spin, wide-eyed to Rude as Elena locks the door. "Air conditioning?" you demand, gulping in the cool, dry breeze, like heaven after months of sweltering heat. "How the hell do you have air conditioning here?"

You eye both of them, a sort of slow panic starting to overtake the weakness swimming through your body. You cannot imagine that Rufus is here, you think, eyes darting between your old colleagues, taking in brief flashes of this modest room. You imagine him sitting in every chair, standing in every doorway, his presence like a ghost that you desperately want to see and yet cannot handle the terror of finding.

Had your mind been working fully, you would have noticed Rufus' touches: the neatly stacked books, the drawn shades, the immaculately cleanliness of everything. His was a sterile and pristine world, and he would not let something as simple as the end of the world affect that.

"You look tired, Reno," Rude's voice is hallow. Is that a touch of regret, you wonder briefly, as your legs wobble and give out, his strong arms suddenly wrap around you, your waning strength abruptly cut off. Exhausted and vulnerable, you sink into the stupor that usually waits for you after a long line of shots, the kind that you crumple into surrounded by your vices. Afraid; weakly, you mumble his name, dreaming that it is his hands you are deteriorating into.

"…_Cloud_…"

"I'm disappointed in you, Reno," a smooth voice. You know that voice.

Your world is still black; that velvety tone sliding into your mind, his words an invasive intruder in your thoughts.

Your eyelids are glued shut; every inch of skin feels like lead; you moisten your lips slightly, the sensation drawing you just barely from your sleep.

"I expected more from you."

You've had this dream and you've heard this voice in your mind before.

You need to roll over and pull yourself closer to Cloud.

Your eyelids flutter, too exhausted to be alert, too tired to realize you're sitting up straight.

Your head falls right, cheek hitting cool fabric, as you try to turn. Why won't the rest of you follow?

Eyes pop open, terror gripping your chest, and immediately your heart leaps.

He is there.

He is sitting there, across a coffee table, one leg hooked over a knee, one smooth hand brushing blond bangs from his face. A small glass is in his other hand, pinky delicately raised just slightly, the smell of scotch in the air. He takes another sip, barely touching it to his lips and slams the glass against the coffee table with a crack, lips curling upwards, eyebrows raised, challenging you.

Your mind screams his name, hungry to feel it on your lips, eyes widening, desperate to feel his body, - all which dies in your useless throat. The faintest gurgle escapes your mouth and he stands up with a laugh that rings hollowly throughout the quiet room.

"Imagine," he sneers, leaning in towards your face. "A silent Reno."

Your green eyes widen as you uselessly touch your tongue to your lips again, terror shivering through your body. Why the fuck can't you move?

Rufus pulls himself back from your face, trailing one finger along your jaw line as he steps around you, that light touch never leaving your skin. "_Tiagabine,_" you can hear the smile in his voice.

Tiagabine_. Fuck, you know the stuff well. It's served you in the past, slipped it to a victim when you needed them to shut up. Tasteless, odorless, causes confusion and paralysis in large doses…easy to dissolve into a liquid…_

"And to think," Rufus' voice is soft in your ear and you're shuddering inside, the terror that's overtaking you internally dies against your numb, stiff skin. "You drank it voluntarily."

_The coffee_, your mind screams. _Reno, you fucking idiot, the coffee! _You remember Rude's untouched cup, how he didn't let you order anything, leaving the steaming mug on the table, knowing you and your impulsiveness; setting up a betrayal.

Betrayal.

The memory of this morning at the diner hangs heavily in your mind. That sinking feeling you had walking here, the way Elena greeted you…it makes your heart ache.

"Now, now," Rufus' voice is behind you, his hands deeply in your hair, fingers raking along your skull. "No one has betrayed you," he reads your mind as usual. Why are you always so predictable to him? Why has he got you figured out to every last detail?

Because you've always let him, you tell yourself. And you would forgive him for anything; you've always been that way.

"We had to get you here somehow Reno," Rufus leans against your shoulder, voice like a dangerous purr. Every inch of you wants to reach back there, but you don't know what you'd do when your hands found him. You want to break that slender little neck, but simultaneously, all you can think about is his lips along your skin.

Rufus pulls himself around you, fitting neatly into the space between your lanky body and the armrest of the chair. You feel his weight settle into your lap, his face directly in front of your limp head, those icy eyes reading your every thought.

"After all," he smiles, cupping your chin in his delicate fingers. "A pet can only run wild for so long before coming home." His lips brush yours, already open, and you hate both him and yourself for being in this vulnerable moment; his tongue pushes into your mouth and you cannot stop it. You tell yourself, sitting there, powerless and numb, that if you could move, you'd throw him off your lap, screaming all the things you've always wanted to say, finally stealing the upper hand. But you know, and he knows, that is not the case. You are melted under his touch, drugged or not.

The first time you felt those lips, he was only seventeen, a child, still sweet, still vulnerable, still teetering between childhood and his legacy. It was his birthday, a dull affair for both of you- too classy, too stiff, too many old men in suits. Finally, by midnight, when guests disbanded and you and Rude were finally free to go, your fingers itching for the feel of a cold bottle, Rufus had stopped you at the door. His slate eyes were bright, asking in an offhand way if you were calling it a night, the questioning tone his voice ended at told you he wasn't ready to.

Somehow you agreed to sneak him out of there, and the confidently unsure child followed you and Rude to a bar in the slums. The kiss was late that night, almost early in the morning, after too many rounds to count, when you'd dragged his sleepy ass back to his apartment, trying not to gawk at the place, and laid him gently on his bed. "Reno," he'd muttered, eyes blinking hazily open, and you'd felt a stupid thrill in your stomach, because he still remembered your name. A lock of blond hair fell into his sad eyes; "can you possibly understand what it's like to have the entire world hate you?"

And your arms had wrapped around his body before you could stop yourself, pulling him close to your chest, falling drunkenly across his wide bed, lips meeting his. Because even then, you knew that you loathed him and you loved him, and you knew they would always go hand in hand.

Rufus pulls back from you now, still across your lap; a grown man, without a glimmer of that child to be found. But as he pushes the same strands of hair from his soft face, you know he still struggles with that question.

He was always so stiff, so calm, so controlled; his neatness was immaculate, his love of order, cleanliness and right angles never ceased to get on your nerves. And as you watched him throughout the years, sometimes you were pretty sure Rufus was simply going to pull out a pistol and calmly, quietly put it between his lips. Or yours.

Your fingers are tingling now, a thousand pins and needles being pushed into your flesh, and you grimace. Sensation is coming back slowly; you know it will be a long time before you can command your body to do anything, but your skin is waking inch by inch, the feeling lighting through you like a slow-burning fire.

"I'm glad you've found Cloud," Rufus smiles. "It saved me the trouble of tracking him down."

No-! You desperately want to shake your head, the thought of Shinra finding Cloud makes your breath catch in your throat.

"Imagine," Rufus laughs coldly, and you wonder what you hear in his tone. Jealousy? Anger? Hurt? "That in looking for you, we would also find him."

"But with Cloud out of the way…" Rufus' voice is cold as steel, allowing his words to hang in the quiet room, letting you finish his thoughts in your mind.

…_there will be no one to stop him. _He's been working already, you know. How else would he have this power source? How else would he have found Rude and Elena? And now you know, without a doubt, that not only did he find you and Cloud a long time ago, but it was his order to kill the ex-Soldier.

A slight rumble catches in your throat, the pitiful sound a ghost of the furious growl you feel building inside you. The sensations running through your body are more than you ever experienced; you'd taken _Tiagabine_ before during training, but never in such a large dose. It's so much more than that, you realize, as Rufus' cold blue eyes pierce into yours. He's still talking, but for once his words run off your back, and as you watch his angular jaw, his soft lips, his mouth as it opens and shuts, intoning his words, all you can feel is a deep hurt growing inside you, just as the electric pain dances across your skin, as your body awakens and your heart dies.

_Easy Reno_, you tell yourself. _Don't make this obvious…_

Your body is still mostly numb, but you can feel your fingertips clearly, and you're pretty sure your legs will work well enough if they had to. The pins and needles are still raking along your skin, like a full body tattoo that started in your toes and fingertips and is slowing making its way center.

Rufus blinks, extending his palm, fingers curled just slightly, as he strokes your cheek, now a flushed red, and gently tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear.

His voice is soft when he speaks. "You're a Turk, Reno," he voice carried no malice, only speaking the truth in the black and white terms he knew. You meet his eyes. _Maybe I'm not anymore. _You don't need to say it out loud; Rufus always could read your thoughts through your eyes.

There's a knock on the door, the same four raps, and you instantly recognize the sound as Rude. Your heart aches all over again, imagining him seeing you like this, worse, realizing he knew that it was going to happen, and standing by, betraying you. With a bored sigh, Rufus rises and takes a key from his pocket, unlocking it. You don't move, refusing to acknowledge your partner, until-

"Get your hands off me," that voice cuts a dagger through your heart andinstinctively your fists tighten, hands screaming in pain as you force them to move.

_Cloud. _

You jerk as much as your numb body will allow, straining to see behind you, head falling uselessly against the back of the chair. The conversation is behind you, and since your head fell, you don't even know if Cloud realizes you're sitting here.

A heavy thump, like a body hitting the ground. Cloud's voice:

"Rufus Shinra?" There is no surprise in the question, just loaded contempt.

"You eluded us for so long, Cloud Strife," his voice is smooth. "And then to come right to me-"

You can hear Cloud breathing heavily, a groan escapes his lips; he doesn't sound good.

"That doesn't matter," Cloud's voice is like steel. "Where is Reno?"

Your heart overflows and breaks; Cloud came here for you, a hero running into a trap.

"Where _is_ Reno," Rufus repeats, a smile in his voice.

Slow, deliberate steps cross the room; you know they are his. The scene feels almost familiar: you, helpless, and Rufus' steps coming closer and closer; your heart races and your skin crawls; despite yourself, there's a sick thrill in your stomach that rises as Rufus leans over behind you, his hands under your arms, lips briefly against your neck.

One solid pull, and despite your body's limp resistance, he pulls you easily over the back of the chair, every inch of you screaming in protest, powerless to stop him. Your ass hits the flood hard, back sliding across the carpet, one arm flung against the ground, legs flopping painfully, uselessly, the last things to land. You try to yell; the only sound that escapes is a gurgle

The room is spinning, then upside down, as you blink, trying to focus. Cloud is only a few feet away from you, crouching on the ground, obviously hurt, but his eyes meet yours and every atom in your body strains to extend your arm to him, fingers stretching and closing, your dead limb not responding.

"Reno," Cloud cries out; eyes wide, terrified, darting between your numb body and Rufus' smug stance as he drinks in the image of both of you, broken on the floor in front of him. "Reno, can you move?"

In response, one of your legs flops sideways against the carpet, your eyes steeled on Cloud. Behind him, you can see Rude's shoes; he's standing at attention; you know he's staring straight ahead, refusing to watch. Instantly, looking at Cloud, your heart solidifies against Rude, blocking him out. You keep your eyes locked with those glowing blue orbs, as electric pain rockets through your body. With every moment that passes, you feel another inch of you becoming aware; you're waking up slowly, painfully. You almost wait for the moment when your eyes will snap open, and you'll be wrapped around Cloud, safe and dreaming in his bed. But it's only a familiar ache that drapes itself around your heart as you know this is no hallucination, no nightmare to wake with a shiver from. This is real life, and you cannot get away.

"What the hell did you do to him," Cloud demands, and upside down, you watch him struggle to his feet. Rude makes a move towards him, but Rufus waves him away with a flick of the wrist, watching Cloud find his footing with a bitter smile.

"He'll live," Rufus brushes the hair from his eyes. "If that's what you're wondering."

Rude shifts, just slightly, uneasily moving weight from one foot to the other. Your eyes move up, trailing up his legs, going over his body, rising to look him in the face. His sunglasses are black; you can't see his eyes, but you know he's staring at the blank wall with all his willpower as bitter tension engulfs the air.

"Tell me, Reno," Rufus looks past Cloud to you, still lying on your back, stretched out pathetically on the floor. "What could possibly attract you to this broken hero of yours?"

He doesn't expect you to respond and your tongue feels thick in your mouth, fuzzy like you've had too much to drink, but you grit your teeth and speak slowly, thickly, determined, using Rufus' own words against him:

"Can you," your lips are tingling, the words barely discernable. Cloud turns to look at you, relief and sudden concern washing over his face as he hears your strangled voice.

"Possibly understand…" you can feel a line of drool escaping as you carefully intone your words and you can feel Rude suddenly watching you; his mouth twitches slightly. They're all staring.

"What it's like…" Your slow speech hangs in the air; you can feel Rufus' sudden tension as he hears his own words. He's about to speak, but you cut him off, a smirk tugging at your lips.

"…to have even just one person love you?"

Instantaneously, Rufus is moving towards you, a sharp kick rams your ribs, knocking your head sideways against the carpet, blurring your vision, drool still leaking from you lips, and you gasp, a sharp, breaking pain cutting through the pins and needles across your body. Despite yourself, a tear slowly drips from one eye.

You want to laugh suddenly. You've pictured reuniting with Rufus countless times, dreamt of this moment, wished for it as you dozed off and cradled a bottle as you yearned for him. You've been a nobody for so long; a nothing, a slum rat, worthless, jobless, penniless- and yet, as you think back to that night you fatefully ended up on Cloud's doorstep at rock bottom, the days since then have been happier than anything you've ever known in your life.

Sudden movement flashes across your blurry vision, but your body is too racked with pain to comprehend what is going on in front of you. The _Tiagabine_ is wearing off, and you suddenly become aware of your body convulsing- a terrifying feeling to loose control of your limbs after they've been still for so long. Moans rise in your throat as the pain overtakes your senses. You're still aware of the struggle; dark shapes moving too quickly for your eyes to make sense of; flashes of white, of a black suit, of Cloud's blond hair.

It's silent suddenly; everything freezes. Your eyes blink twice, three times, vision slowly settling like water after a storm. You're already trying to struggle to your feet before you can see clearly, but as you squeeze your eyes shut and open them again, you freeze.

Rude is holding a gun aimed straight ahead, hand perfectly still; the first thing you see. Your vision slides along the barrel, eyes moving across the room, stomach twisting. Both Cloud and Rufus have frozen, two sets of wide blue eyes focused on Rude.

You realize, eyes darting back to Rude and his cold, silent stance, that his gun is pointed directly at the chest of the man you love.

And loath.

Cloud slowly backs away from Rufus, footsteps inching towards you, his eyes never leaving Rude.

Your partner takes a slow step forward, raising the gun slightly, leveling it with Rufus' face. Your green eyes blink back and forth between them, even as you feel Cloud's arm wrap around your waist, his strong shoulder against your chest as he pulls you unsteadily to your shaky legs. You still cannot stand entirely on your own, and you sag against Cloud, your eyes still locked on Rude and Rufus.

Rude exchanges a brief glance with Cloud; some kind of understanding passes between them. As Cloud tugs gently on you, trying to head for the door, rebellion catches in your throat, a wordless cry as your eyes widen and you ache to lunge for Rufus, to wrap your arms around him, to knock that gun from Rude's steady hand. Cloud's grip is strong around you though, not holding you back, but it constricts like a life jacket around you, gripping you tightly, pulling you away from this raging, dangerous sea.

You cannot take your eyes off Rufus, even as you bury yourself against Cloud's strength. As Cloud turns the doorknob, you puzzle for the last time over Rufus, his composed face telling you everything and nothing. His slate eyes flick to yours, a lock of blond hair falls in his face; his expression unreadable. And suddenly, in those eyes, you see a glimmer of the boy he once was, his old words ringing through your head- _can you possibly understand?- _the taste of his lips floods your senses and as Cloud kicks the door of the house shut behind him, you hear a single gunshot and the tears fall hard and fast against your cheeks.

You do not speak as Cloud carries you home, as your legs slowly find their function once again and once you can stumble away from him, you do, trailing behind as you follow the path to the lower plate. You take back roads, constantly checking over each other's shoulders, feelings welling up inside you and overflowing until you cannot walk anymore and sink against the concrete, rage and relief and grief exploding from your body.

Cloud only stands there, watching up and down the quiet streets as you loose yourself to your sorrow. Finally, the third time you have to stop, dropping to your knees on the concrete, Cloud runs to you, catching under your arms as you fall.

"Reno," he insists, shaking you slightly.

You shake your head, unspeakable grief flooding your heart in waves. They crash over you, overtaking all your senses; you're shaking violently, and you don't know if it's your body still reacting to the _Tiagabine_, the sorrow in your heart, or Cloud, telling you to get a grip.

"We have to keep moving Reno," Cloud's voice is hallow. You know it's killing him to rush you along like this, but you sense his urgency.

Rufus never works alone. He has guards, flunkies, back-up plans. Just because he's gone- your heart reels- doesn't mean you're safe. You struggle to your feet, biting back chocked sobs, breathing heavily.

Cloud's arm wraps around your shoulders, a strength flowing from his touch that almost rejuvenates you, and you take a deep breath, your own arm going around his waist; you both pull each other close, like a gravitational field that sucks your bodies together. Both of you have seen someone you love struck down and both of you have felt bitter betrayal, but as you make your way through the slums on unsteady legs, your past haunts you just slightly less, and the future seems slimly more desirable. You almost hope the sun still rises tomorrow.

*

He asked you again, after the two of you stumble through the doorway, after falling together on the couch, after you poured your heart out, wobbly voice telling him everything there was to tell about Rufus, from the moment you met him, leading up to that single, definite shot.

"He's gone, Reno," Cloud had told you softly, one hand stroking your red hair, your cheek pushed solidly into his chest, bodies wrapped around each other.

You shook your head. "I still feel him," you mutter, not really sure what you mean. "He'll never be gone."

Cloud considers you for a long moment, those bright blue eyes gazing into yours until you feel like you cannot stand another moment of it without shoving your lips against his.

"If I ran away," a smile tugs along Cloud's lips. "Would you come with me?"

"What?"

"I feel him too, Reno," Cloud agrees. "He is everywhere in this city, in the slums, in the wreckage, in the buildings and the burnt out Mako reactors." The blond shook his head.

"Let's go somewhere there's space to breath without sucking radiation down, where we can start over again…" his voice trailed off, eyes going out the window to the slums, glancing back with a smile to you. "Somewhere there's a _sky_."

You think back to when he asked you this before; in a similar moment when your confusion and grief over life had overtaken you and Cloud had asked the same question. You'd smiled and said yes then, although it was so obvious to both of you that it was a lie. Midgar had seeped into your blood so long ago, become such a part of you with its hatred and desperation that you never thought you could leave it without feeling that a part of your soul had been forgotten as well.

"We could leave tonight," Cloud continues, his eyes begging you. "Once it gets dark…"

And yet, now, as Cloud asked you the same question, you are suddenly sure.

"Yes," you reply abruptly. "Forget Midgar."

Because the part of your soul that would be left behind was not a piece you wanted any longer.

*

You kiss Cloud deeply, one last time, as he shudders into a climax inside your body, his hand bringing you to yours simultaneously. He rolls off you and you flop easily to your back, pulling your boxers back on, stretching lazily across the bed in the late afternoon sunlight.

The soft comforter cushions you and Cloud hovers over you briefly, looking rather innocent and harmless with a gentle smile across his lips.

"I love you," Cloud whispers sincerely, hand running through your hair.

A strangled scream breaks out in the street outside, and both of you turn toward the window. Cloud dashes for the window, and you jerk up, ready for the entire Shinra army to be outside your window; ready for Rufus to somehow be there, waiting for you.

The scream comes again, then another, and soon the whole street below sounds like it's in chaos. You want to ask what was going on, but your mouth doesn't open, even as a black tendril sneaks around your arm. Inky blackness creeps around the rest of you, covering your face so you can not breathe or see. You jerk, terrified, body writhing as a cold tendrils snake around you, engulfing you, touching you in your very heart as it races in your chest.

Cloud's footfalls come towards you-

"Reno!!" His voice is swallowed in the roar of the world's destruction.

You can feel his arms around your body, cradling you, rocking you, as much as the swirling maelstrom would allow. Your eyes are open, and you see his wide eyes piercing into yours; you feel like your body is leaking away. It's as if whatever had made you Reno all these years in slowly dripping out of you, leaving some husk behind. A trace of a smile tugs at your lips anyway; a swirl of memories racing through your mind.

Cloud squeezes you tighter, as if he's trying to hold you in one piece and you feel every atom in your body as it wishes to drift apart, to let whatever made you Reno leak across the floor, to allow that cold darkness to fill every crevice in your soul. It makes you yelp, as he squeezes, and you can see the fear and hurt wash over his face. Blood spurts from your chest, thicker now.

You watch Cloud, the black tendrils licking his face, stinging him like they're stinging you. You suddenly remember the night you appeared on his doorstep- no, it's more than a memory- you can recall everything about that moment. The hot summer night, the smell of the slums, the way his face appeared in the window. _Don't forget Reno_, you swear to your slowing heart. _Even if you forget everything else about your life. _You take a gasping breath.

"Strife," you choke out, blood running down your pale skin. "Don't give up on me."

_Even if you forget everything else- Rufus and Rude and Shinra and the past twenty years of your life…_

"I love you," your arms loop around Cloud's trembling frame at the sound of his voice, and you push yourself up, against his lips, pressing a hard kiss on them.

The memories rush through you again- Cloud's lips against yours, his smile, his touch, his words in your ear. You relive each of them, so real you could touch them, kiss them, sugary sweet, and you tuck them away, somewhere deep inside your mind, swearing to yourself, to Cloud, to the universe, that you will not forget.

"I know." you whisper harshly as the black tendrils overtake you and you fade away, like a picture loosing its color, like a light disappearing into overwhelming darkness, like a drop into the ocean.

*

It's silent, not just now, but forever. The silence stretches on until you cannot comprehend anything breaking it, until you cannot remember your own voice, or even what it meant to speak. And then words, spoken in that voice you know so well, yet it belongs to someone else, a figure cloaked in darkness, a being you cannot remember a name or face for.

"**When a strong hearted person gets turned into a heartless, the empty shell left behind becomes a Nobody."**

The sound of that voice touches you somewhere deep, somewhere personal, as if you had a body or a form left to feel violated in. _Nobody. _You've been nobody before. You'll be nobody again.

Something tugs at you- a memory? No…it isn't solid enough to be a memory. Nothing is solid or graspable around or in you anymore. It's more like…a color. If you had a mind, you'd be racking it, desperate to remember what this color meant, what it represented. And suddenly, a streak of it fills your vision- bright blue, it shocks you with its vibrancy against the darkness- and it shifts, condensing, shaping. Two blue dots, no circles, no…eyes. Two blue eyes, pulsating with an eerie, beautiful glow.

_Don't forget._


End file.
